soulconfessions Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Could someone please be so kind to instruct me on how to delete my profile? This just isn't the place for me.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Could someone please be so kind to instruct me on how to delete my profile? This just isn't the place for me. Send an email asking for that to administration. That said. You are very confused in life. I know you feel like you have missed out on all this stuff in life, but you really havn't. Focus on what's really important before you lose it forever. You say that your Husband would be more hurt by a divorce than an affair? If your happiness requires one or the other... you have a big problem on your hands. Find a professional to help you sort things out! Your using a cheap affair to bolster your failing self esteem. That is like using crack, it helps for a brief moment, then leaves you worse off! Best of Luck!
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 It's rare that profiles get deleted. Sorry that you didn't find the support you were looking for on here. Maybe one day in afew weeks you can come back and read the responses, when you're really ready to make a choice. Good luck. PS If there's one thing that you got out of posting here - COUNSELLING! Make that call tomorrow and start working on yourself. Sort out your past issues, and maybe then you'll wake up out of your affair-fog and realize that you DO love your husband and want that life with him.
Author soulconfessions Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Find a professional to help you sort things out! Your using a cheap affair to bolster your failing self esteem. That is like using crack, it helps for a brief moment, then leaves you worse off! Best of Luck! I agree with everything you said 100%. Eventually I will be seeking professional help. I know I need it. Thank you for your advice.
cherrymoon Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 soul, If I may, I think you are wrong to bow out. you got some good advice but you see it all as so personal. Before you think I don't understand Well you are half right I understand how someone can find themselves facing an affair. I had an affiar. Here are the things that will make you change your ways. Stand up and take the truth on the chin. You have 100% done wrong. There were other choices you could have chosen. You and only you made the affair happen. now ask yourself Are you sorry are you ashamed are you really ready to face the consequences. You need to take action by stopping the affair preparing yourself to face the truth work your ass off do rebuild your marriage if there is a chance. RELAX I am not having ago. You wrote your first thread and made out that it wasn't your fault. It was your fault just as my affair was totally my fault. I can tell you what brought me to that point that I no longer cared and believe me I have a book of the ****e that was going on. Thing is I had no right to hurt my family and my husband. I had the right to leave them, I had the right to tell him where to shove his marriage but I had no right to have an affair. You see soul until you realise thatthen you will keep justifying what has happened. Truth is Soul when I was dropping my knickers when I was lying on my back taking it like a lady:sick:, i was vile, at that time I didn't deserve my beautiful kids, I sure as hell didn't deserve my husbands love. You need to see how unbelievable disrespectful what we did is, how awful how it tears out their hearts. Imagine him tied to a chair gagged and being forced to watch you have sex with these men. Because once he finds out and he will I promise you something will happen and you will get caught. He will see everything in his head and he may as well be tied up and gagged watching you. I cannot possibly describe the true drama that happens once an affair is found out. Today decide to act and make a decision on what you are going to do. Leave your husband. Stop the affair. Soul this is black and white no grey area here. You are not a victim of your siblings or your father. You have no excuse but the truth you wanted to have sex with someone else you were bored (maybe i am guessing). My reason? It doesn't matter I was a complete scumbag. I am trying to work it out with my H. It hurts everyday, it hurts him and I. We will manage this but it won't be today or tomorrow. Oh for 3 wishes now. Sort yourself out and keep posting and take every comment and deal with it, stop avoiding what you don't want to hear. Good luck
Owl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Good post, Cherry. And this begs a question to the OP... What were you hoping to gain from posting here on LS? What kind of "support" did you hope to get? Understanding and support of your choice to have affairs? Suggestions on how to reconcile your situation? Commiseration from others in similar marriages? What support were you hoping to find, and did you find some of it in your time here on LS? I think many people who come here and leave immediately do so because they didn't come with clear expectations of what they were hoping to get from posting here.
SoulStorm Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 soul, If I may, I think you are wrong to bow out. you got some good advice but you see it all as so personal. Before you think I don't understand Well you are half right I understand how someone can find themselves facing an affair. I had an affiar. Here are the things that will make you change your ways. Stand up and take the truth on the chin. You have 100% done wrong. There were other choices you could have chosen. You and only you made the affair happen. now ask yourself Are you sorry are you ashamed are you really ready to face the consequences. You need to take action by stopping the affair preparing yourself to face the truth work your ass off do rebuild your marriage if there is a chance. RELAX I am not having ago. You wrote your first thread and made out that it wasn't your fault. It was your fault just as my affair was totally my fault. I can tell you what brought me to that point that I no longer cared and believe me I have a book of the ****e that was going on. Thing is I had no right to hurt my family and my husband. I had the right to leave them, I had the right to tell him where to shove his marriage but I had no right to have an affair. You see soul until you realise thatthen you will keep justifying what has happened. Truth is Soul when I was dropping my knickers when I was lying on my back taking it like a lady:sick:, i was vile, at that time I didn't deserve my beautiful kids, I sure as hell didn't deserve my husbands love. You need to see how unbelievable disrespectful what we did is, how awful how it tears out their hearts. Imagine him tied to a chair gagged and being forced to watch you have sex with these men. Because once he finds out and he will I promise you something will happen and you will get caught. He will see everything in his head and he may as well be tied up and gagged watching you. I cannot possibly describe the true drama that happens once an affair is found out. Today decide to act and make a decision on what you are going to do. Leave your husband. Stop the affair. Soul this is black and white no grey area here. You are not a victim of your siblings or your father. You have no excuse but the truth you wanted to have sex with someone else you were bored (maybe i am guessing). My reason? It doesn't matter I was a complete scumbag. I am trying to work it out with my H. It hurts everyday, it hurts him and I. We will manage this but it won't be today or tomorrow. Oh for 3 wishes now. Sort yourself out and keep posting and take every comment and deal with it, stop avoiding what you don't want to hear. Good luck Very Good Post CherryMoon
Final Girl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 That was a good post Cherry...but I don't understand why someone would be bad to you here coz you feel remorse?? Surely that's GREAT!!! And also you aren't responsible for everyone else's affair, so posters who give you and others who had affairs a hard time are being really unfair!!
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Great post Cherry! I hope Soul IS around and lurking, reading..Maybe one day when she's ready to face what she is really doing, she'll come back - NOT to face us, but to have the balls to stick around, take advice and not be so defensive and hurt by what we were all saying to her. Obviously she isn't ready yet, she isn't even ready for counselling. She said "eventually." Who knows when that will be...
Author soulconfessions Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 I can leave this forum, however I cannot run from me. I have to live with myself every day, therefore I'm not running from anyhting. I live with remorse, shame and guilt every single day. Yes I do have a guilty conscience which is why I chose this forum to tell my story and to express my feelings. I may have started out wrong with my first post but that doesn't mean that I'm not sorry for what I've done. If i satyed here, my first post and people like that man who's wife cheated on him would haunt me through out this board. I simply do not have the time for that or to respond to every post. Nor do i have the tolerance to respond to every person who will decit my every word or make an assumption about how I'm feeling about my situation. And FYI for personal reasons yes "EVENTUALLY" I will seek help. "I will" seek help. Yes for personal reasons " who knows when that might be. But i will seek help. And like i said in another post no matter what anypone post on this board, there is no reason for adults to be callig other aduls names. that's trailer trash behavior
SoulStorm Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I can leave this forum, however I cannot run from me. I have to live with myself every day, therefore I'm not running from anyhting. I live with remorse, shame and guilt every single day. Yes I do have a guilty conscience which is why I chose this forum to tell my story and to express my feelings. I may have started out wrong with my first post but that doesn't mean that I'm not sorry for what I've done. If i satyed here, my first post and people like that man who's wife cheated on him would haunt me through out this board. I simply do not have the time for that or to respond to every post. Nor do i have the tolerance to respond to every person who will decit my every word or make an assumption about how I'm feeling about my situation. And FYI for personal reasons yes "EVENTUALLY" I will seek help. "I will" seek help. Yes for personal reasons " who knows when that might be. But i will seek help. And like i said in another post no matter what anypone post on this board, there is no reason for adults to be callig other aduls names. that's trailer trash behavior Actually as harsh as people seem on here, they really are trying to help. Some go overboard because they are bitter. I was cheated on too and I do have a bit of bitterness in me. The "names" that you say you were called are probably "names" you have probably called yourself subconciously and hurt to the 100th power to see them in black and white on a forum. If you haven't called yourself these names subconciously, then I apologize. Coming to a forum like this and expressing your dilemma, which came across as an unremorseful wife seeking to go wild on her unknowing husband, and getting blasted probably was not what you were expecting. However it was a shocking eye opener. You may never forget this and you shouldn't. This forum, as cruel as it may have seemed caused you to look at things from a different and painful perspective. Please use it to find in you the things you know you can be, and should be. Not saying you are a bad person, but there is something missing and sleeping with other men is never going to fill that void. Sowing oats will only leave you feeling ashamed, used and cheap. Don't you think that you are better than that? I don't know all about you, but I know there is more to you than what you wrote on this forum. More to your life than notions of being loose and promiscous. I think you are a better person than that.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I can leave this forum, however I cannot run from me. I have to live with myself every day, therefore I'm not running from anyhting. I live with remorse, shame and guilt every single day. Yes I do have a guilty conscience which is why I chose this forum to tell my story and to express my feelings. I may have started out wrong with my first post but that doesn't mean that I'm not sorry for what I've done. If i satyed here, my first post and people like that man who's wife cheated on him would haunt me through out this board. I simply do not have the time for that or to respond to every post. Nor do i have the tolerance to respond to every person who will decit my every word or make an assumption about how I'm feeling about my situation. And FYI for personal reasons yes "EVENTUALLY" I will seek help. "I will" seek help. Yes for personal reasons " who knows when that might be. But i will seek help. And like i said in another post no matter what anypone post on this board, there is no reason for adults to be callig other aduls names. that's trailer trash behavior I read your original posts... and the way you describe yourself gives me an impression of someone who is desperately seeking something to provide them self esteem/Self Value. The problem is that your using External means to provide that. Your Husband can't make you like yourself, nor can any other man. You have a giant empty space in your heart... and only you can fill it. I really think that your being haunted by your childhood environment. Anyway, just my 2 pennies.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I can leave this forum, however I cannot run from me. I have to live with myself every day, therefore I'm not running from anyhting. I live with remorse, shame and guilt every single day. Yes I do have a guilty conscience which is why I chose this forum to tell my story and to express my feelings. Express your feelings and then do what? I haven't seen you state one positive step you're going to take to fix this mess. Counseling? "Eventually" End the latest of your serial affairs? "Unbearable" Tell your husband the truth? You're going to keep him in the dark because that's how you "put his happiness" first. All you've done here use up some bandwidth. I'm unclear as to how that's helped you or your situation... Mr. Lucky
KismetGirl Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I can leave this forum, however I cannot run from me. I have to live with myself every day, therefore I'm not running from anyhting. I live with remorse, shame and guilt every single day. Yes I do have a guilty conscience which is why I chose this forum to tell my story and to express my feelings. I may have started out wrong with my first post but that doesn't mean that I'm not sorry for what I've done. If i satyed here, my first post and people like that man who's wife cheated on him would haunt me through out this board. I simply do not have the time for that or to respond to every post. Nor do i have the tolerance to respond to every person who will decit my every word or make an assumption about how I'm feeling about my situation. And FYI for personal reasons yes "EVENTUALLY" I will seek help. "I will" seek help. Yes for personal reasons " who knows when that might be. But i will seek help. And like i said in another post no matter what anypone post on this board, there is no reason for adults to be callig other aduls names. that's trailer trash behavior You shoudlnt give up on this because of a few bad seeds. There are many bitter people on here who don't really read anything. They come on here to bash the OM's and OW's or anyone having an affair. Oftentimes they are BS's, speaking only from anger, hurt, betrayal. You can't take it to heart personally. I was bashed on another board by a man whose wife had cheated on him. he didn't read a word I'd written, not really. All he coul say was that no matter all the good things I've done with my life, I had now become worthless because I'd had an affair with a MM. No matter that I'd saved someone's life before, no matter that I was caring and kind, intelligent and working and going to school. He couldn't see past his bitterness. ignore those posts like you'd ignore any other garbage on the street.
cherrymoon Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Hi everyone, I got a PM from the moderator saying I my post had to be flagged as I had broken rules. I had in some manner been offensive. If I have offended anyone I am truly sorry. Any harsh terms I used I used towards myself and no others. I really am sorry if I offended it was not my intention. I was not allowed to message the moderator for clarification so I am just on the forum to apologise, genuinely I am sorry for any offence or terms used that caused upset. Thanks everyone
Owl Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Gotta love how everyone appreciated your well thought out post, but then someone else got upset by it for some reason and flags it. Don't feel bad...we all get those flags occasionally, and I thought your post was well done and on the money.
cherrymoon Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Thanks owl, just confused why and really not out there to upset anyone (i have done enough of that). Anyway she didn't take anything on bored possible she flagged it. It will only stop when her H finds out. My H is working on a project at the moment and got access to the city cctv cameras. It made me realise if i had never told him/ got caught and was still having the affair he would definitely know now. Thing is today it isn't the neighbour who is going to tell on you it is technology. She will be discovered and it will happen soon. Sadly she has a long road ahead of her because she is refusing to really take the blame. I spoke with my H last night (we have been having a tough few days) I thought about posting a thread telling what it feels like once you are discovered and how the knock on effects leave you as a person destoyed. I think it is the loneliest place to be at times as all moral ground is gone from you and you cannot request sympathy as you made the choice. How the hurt you /I feel is not acknowledged (i am not talking about the hurt that your lover left you, The hurt you have caused all the people you love hurts and eats at your soul.) How an affair doesn't just affect your husband. it affects your siblings your kids your parents your friends and your standing withing the community. I woke up this morning and realised it won't make any difference. People having affairs have tunnel vision and have adapted to turning a blind eye to the truth. Why people would do it a second time blows me away. Once is too much. I know my MM will do it again if the opportunity arises, If I phone him:sick:. How pathetic and sad. Thanks again
Author soulconfessions Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 You shoudlnt give up on this because of a few bad seeds. There are many bitter people on here who don't really read anything. They come on here to bash the OM's and OW's or anyone having an affair. Oftentimes they are BS's, speaking only from anger, hurt, betrayal. You can't take it to heart personally. I was bashed on another board by a man whose wife had cheated on him. he didn't read a word I'd written, not really. All he coul say was that no matter all the good things I've done with my life, I had now become worthless because I'd had an affair with a MM. No matter that I'd saved someone's life before, no matter that I was caring and kind, intelligent and working and going to school. He couldn't see past his bitterness. ignore those posts like you'd ignore any other garbage on the street. Thanks KismetGirl, well I've already contacted the board adminstrator asking for my account to be deleted. I guess I'll keep posting until my request is granted. KismetGirl do you mind me asking how your affair startedand how long it lasted?
Owl Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Soulconfessions, I'm curious...you never answered my question. What kind of support/help/etc... were you hoping to find when you posted here originally? What were you hoping that posting here would do for you?
Author soulconfessions Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Thanks owl, just confused why and really not out there to upset anyone (i have done enough of that). Anyway she didn't take anything on bored possible she flagged it. It will only stop when her H finds out. My H is working on a project at the moment and got access to the city cctv cameras. It made me realise if i had never told him/ got caught and was still having the affair he would definitely know now. Thing is today it isn't the neighbour who is going to tell on you it is technology. She will be discovered and it will happen soon. Sadly she has a long road ahead of her because she is refusing to really take the blame. hi cherrymoon. i actually tried to reply to your post yesterday but i guess do to technical issues my reply was not posted and i didn't have time to come back and repost. anyway, in regards to your comments let me first say that i never said that i blame anyone for my affairs. i take full blame. no one else is responsible for my actions. let me also say that just because i haven't poored my heart out in the same manner as you have or other posters have doesn't mean that i don't feel bad for my actions. i've already stated that i do feel remorse and i do feel guilt. i've also stated that i will be seeking counsel. i don't know maybe my thoughts and emotions aren't articulated well through my replies or perhaps some of you aren't listening as you claim i'm not listening to you. nonetheless i take all positive advice given to me to heart. contrary to what most of you may believe, some of the advice given has helped me put some things in perspective. that's one of the reasons i chose this forum. to help me put my bad decissions into perspective through the eyes of those who share the same experience. Like i said in a previous post my first post was not in good taste. however like you said i have a long road ahead of me. repairing my soul and my marriage just like you do won't be easy.. but i will do it. i am only human and i can only take one step at a time. first step is to seek counseling.
Author soulconfessions Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Thanks owl, just confused why and really not out there to upset anyone (i have done enough of that). Anyway she didn't take anything on bored possible she flagged it. It will only stop when her H finds out. FYI if you are insinuating that i flagged you then you are wrong. you asked some very meaningful questions that i have also asked myself and you gave some really good advice so i would have no reason to flag you. i haven't flagged you or anyone else for that matter. i've already stated my distaste for adult name calling, that should be enough. perhaps the moderator is doing his/her job and flagging posters who violated their guidelines... i simply do not have the time to flag everyomne who calls me names.
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Thanks KismetGirl, well I've already contacted the board adminstrator asking for my account to be deleted. They don't delete accounts on LS. Once you sign up as a member, you're a member. Unless you choose to leave..But your username stays, it's just how it is. Glad to hear that you DO plan on doing counselling. It's a first step for YOUR recovery and get yourself back on the straight and narrow.
cherrymoon Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Soulconfession, well done for staying on. I am goning to say something to you and I would hope that you will read it with the best intentions and in the tone I mean it to be in. I am not out to bash you in any form I myself have had an affair as I said in my post. I can't judge you but i can understand you and I can say things with an honest heart to you. Firstly for your own sake try and stop being so defensive. I suggested that maybe you may have flagged my post in the most innocent sense. It wasn't a bitchy insinuation I am well aware anyone could and did flag it. At no point in my thread was I name calling anyone other than myself and I am allowed to say whatever I want about me. You are so defensive that you are missing so much of what is being said. That doesn't make you aq lesser person it makes you harder to advice. I have poured my heart out at times, some have accused me of acting like a victim and to be honest if you want me to get my back up that is the word to use. I have learnt that I got no where with my H until I laid myself bare and showed pure remorse. I have had to break old habits, i have had to put myself last. Until you are willing to stop focusing on your pain and your disappointment you will not be able to end your affair. You could be married to God himself and still be miserable because your happiness has to be found only by you. I separated from my husband for 18months and what I learnt was this. I was married to the best guy ever. God he was a pain in the ass, he was a fool at times and he needed to do a lot of things differently. I realised I had enabled some of his behaviours. i hate to sound like a know all but honestly you have to look at yourself, you have to change yourself and you certainly have to end your affair. Try and look deep inside yourself and it will really hurt and you will see all your faults and it is awful but only then can you do the right thing. good luck
pelicanpreacher Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Make sure you delve into your childhood issues if they are as serious as you've indicated for if you're broken inside then attempting to work on marital or any other outside concerns remain superfluous. You have to be fully actualized as an adult before you'll ever be able to handlle the adult issues of your marriage and infidelities.
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