grizzler Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 My wife found out on Sunday that I had been viewing gay porn, or rather typing in things in Google Searches. She is devestated. I love her to pieces. We have been married 7 years, together for 10 years in total. We have a 5 year old son who we adore. I feel such a ****. I can't become to come to terms with what I have put her through. She has been like a zombie for the past 3 days since she found out. The perfect husband, perfect father she thought I was is no more. We had a 3 hour heart to heart last night. I am begging her to give me one chance. The thing is, I am not gay. She accepts this. I don't know why I searched Google for gay stuff. I have never been unfaithful physically to my wife, ever. I would never do that. I could never have sexual affairs with a man. I consider myself curious. I am not trying to fool myself. I am not gay, I am not bisexual. My wife understands this. She does still love me. But I have caused her so much hurt. Six weeks ago she had an ectopic pregnancy. How could I do this to her? Can we function as a couple ever again? I know it will take time. I have told her how truly sorry I am, that I realise I could lose everything. Neither my mum or her mum know what I have done. I think they would both disown me. I am truly terrified that I will have to live with this secret for the rest of my life. What if my wife tells my mum? I will lose my life, my home, my son, my wife. I feel like I have no-one to turn to, absolutely no one. I just want some re-assurances. Has anyone else out there been through what I am going through? Either as the man looking at gay porn or the wife who found him.
Konfuzion Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Hmmm it sounds like it time for the two of you to seek out some counseling, and I would hope that she would have more respect for you than to air any of your sexual fantasy's with your mother.
SnowWhite924 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Hey, I can relate to your wife. 7 years ago, I caught my H looking at gay porn. I also felt the devastation your W feels. Betrayal, doubt, that all came up. Was he living a lie all these years??? He swore to me he wasn't/isn't gay and said he'd even go to counseling if that's what I wanted him to do. I didn't. He promised never to look at porn again. Well, he hardly looks at porn at home and when he does, it's not gay porn. I don't know what he does in the office. I felt awful but I wanted to stay married so I chose to believe him and with time, my hurt feelings went away. I do wonder from time to time whether or not he's gay/bi or curious, if he's ever had any encounters. I hope he isn't but if he is then sometimes I feel like I should know and sometimes I feel I rather NOT know. Give your wife some time. The best thing for you to do is talk to her. Keep telling her you were just curious but it doesn't mean anything. Tell her you'll do anything to keep the marriage together. Most importantly, give her time.
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