Sawyer Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 We were together for a year and a half and been split up for almost 2 months now. At the start of the relationship we fell in love straight away, and i knew she loved me more than anything in the world and i thought the same about her. She decided to come move to my city so we could be together, and we were happy. After 5 months she got pregnant unplanned, and she had an abortion. It was during the summer holidays and basically for 3 months it was us two in the house together trying to get through this problem and it effected me more than i realised. After it happened we never really talked about it directly and ignored it and eventually i thought id forgot about it. But ever since that summer i started acting all hot and cold with her and i became really depressed, but she stuck through it with me. I was thinking so negativly about absolutly everything and i started getting angry at really little things, so she must have loved me to stay with me. It was pretty bad but deep down i knew i loved her and we did still have some nice times as well just over time the bad stuff started out weighing the good. This was all happening over the next year and i started feeling distant from her and a few times i went out and some drinks and wed argue id tell her i wanted to split up, i dunno why i said it because deep down i never wanted that, but it must have effected the way she thought about me. Eventually 2 months ago we both decided to break up but soon after i wanted to get her back, because i missed her so bad but shes stuck with the decision and shes basically cut me out her life. This 2 months ive had time to reflect on myself and the relationship and i know i love her unconditionally and would do anything to get a second chance at making it work. I have snapped myself out of the depression and i know shes the girl i want to be with, but it feels there is nothing i can do to get through to her how good we could be together again. Id honestly regret the rest of my life if i couldnt get the chance to prove to her how happy i could make her now (ive honestly changed so much in the way ive been thinking about everything, and its not just a i will change for a week thing). I dont know how to approach it because i dont want to come on to strong and scare her away like i did the first few weeks of being split up, right now she doesnt want any contact with me and she finds it to hard to even see me in person. The most contact weve had in the last month is a few emails but now shes started to not even reply to that. Any ideas how i can prove to her how much ive changed in my head over the last 2 months and get back into contact with her?
Lishy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 You could write her one last letter maybe? It is hard because she has probably been battling to get over you and has now succeeded.
Author Sawyer Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Yeah ive tried the letter, and email thing but shes being so strong and not giving in. I know how scared she must be thinking it would go back to the same old thing if we ever got back together. Its the worst feeling in the world knowing you pushed away the person who loved you most and there doesnt seem to be anything i can do to fix things.
Lishy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Well Sawyer, I am in the same position as your ex. I gave my ex numerous chances but nothing really changed, it always eventually went back to how it was and now he wants me back but I am done. Nothing he could say would change my mind. No letters or emails or texts or flowers would change the fact that I have had enough. I ignore him because it makes it easier for me as I still love him but I know he will not make me happy. maybe you should just stop all contact and HOPE that she misses you and will listen to you I have a feeling there is more to your story, are you being 100% honest?
Author Sawyer Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 yep thats pretty much it, me getting depressed and causing arguments alot caused the break up, there was never any cheating on either side. I guess i missed out i started getting jealous of her with other guys which didnt help, but i never stopped her doing anything. It wasnt jealous as in i thought she would cheat on me, it was me being insecure about myself and thinking the other guys were better than me. After about 2 weeks of the break up she said things to me which gave me hope. She said she wanted me to be happy with myself and sort myself out then maybe there would be a chance for us down the line. But this was a while ago and since then my contact with her has decreased a lot so i dont think it applys anymore. Recently ive been trying to just be friends with her again because i think that is the only way i can stay in her life, and to be being friends is better than not having her in my life.
Rafa Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 You could write her one last letter maybe? It is hard because she has probably been battling to get over you and has now succeeded. Good answer. I expect there will be a torrent of the usual "just leave it", "let her go", "no contact is best" posts arriving here to answer your problem. But who knows, in the long run a last letter might not be so bad. At least if you send that, you can move on with your life knowing you did all you could. If you're lucky, she may even reconsider, although it's probably unlikely. Sometimes the dumper really doesn't know if they've made the right decision. Sometimes the issues aren’t with the relationship they are her issues, not yours. I say write a letter, but be sure to be understanding, and make sure it comes from a place where you have her happiness at heart. That's just my opinion though, I'm sure many would disagree.
Lishy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 The thing is that every situation is different and no one on here will be able to tell you what the best thing to do is. Go with your heart and do not do anything that you regret
Eve Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Id honestly regret the rest of my life if i couldnt get the chance to prove to her how happy i could make her now (ive honestly changed so much in the way ive been thinking about everything, and its not just a i will change for a week thing). I go with the one final letter idea... You have both been through a lot. Maybe things will improve in the future? I would say that how you have both handled stress in the past is going to be the main problem here. A termination can cause all sorts of emotional problems and I suppose the main thing is that you pulled apart at this sensitive time and this may be like a blueprint now to even the remotest level of stress that you jointly experience. I believe that we can get past anything if we work together. I think that its important to make sure that you dont have any regrets, so go get your girl. BUT if she is really hurting, leave her with a part of your love and allow her space to do what she needs to do. I hope it works out, or at very least you both come to a fuller sense of peace...
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