Crestfallen_KH Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 but she says something is in her is holding her back from being with me. Yeah, his name is Rick. Believe me, it's not just 20-year-old women who do this. My 30-year-old ex-husband told me this before insisting on a divorce to be with the married co-worker he'd known only a few weeks. Sorry, but "I just want to be single" means "I want to try being with <insert name here>." It's best just to let her go. Let her be sick, sad, whatever. It's her bed, let her lie in it. Crying, pleading or contact is just going to encourage her further into the new guy's embrace.
wayfaerer1 Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Just go no contact dude - I'm in the same boat. You think 20 is bad, wait til they turn 21, that's what happened with my ex - She turned 21, started going to the bars and realized that other guys are attracted to her besides me, and that was enough for her to decide to end things. But going no contact is the best thing you'll ever do in this situation. The thing about no contact - It's going to get much much worse before it will start to get better. But trust me, you need to do it. And I too believe the same thing - that girls (at least the type who haven't matured yet) can't listen to themselves. They'll consult friends for advice and base their decisions off of that. I feel the pain though - I told my ex-gf that we can't be friends after what happened, I told her we shouldn't talk for a good while. Maybe she wonders what I'm up to, maybe she doesn't, but what I do know is that, despite the fact that I still love her, I don't want to be with someone who treats me the way she did - second best. Her telling you she needs space is simply her way of saying, "I like other guys right now and I want to see what happens." The sooner you except that and the sooner you realize you need to cut communication with her, the better off you'll be.
allina Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Is it a possibility that maybe she cheated on you while away at college? From her behavior it seems like something already happened
lovelorcet Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Is it a possibility that maybe she cheated on you while away at college? From her behavior it seems like something already happened I would agree.. NC her ass right now or you are really going to be in for a rough ride...
Author flyguy23 Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 i have been doing nc for a week now she still texts me saying she needs me and loves me etc
Sysyphus28 Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Dude....sorry be the bearer of bad news. She wants a break so she can have fun. She won't tell you if she hooks up with someone else. You will drive yourself crazy with worrying. You probably love her and don't want to hook up with other girls....but...... this isn't going to pretty........... sorry
wayfaerer1 Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 There is a reason she is still telling you she loves you and whatnot... She wants something else right now, but she also knows that she doesn't want to give you up, because she's thinking, if she fails in her new adventures, she wants to have you around still to fall back on. My ex was doing the same thing, telling me "I'm 99% sure you're the right guy for me." I fell for it in the beginning, and maybe we will meet again someday, but dude... Your ex is being incredibly selfish right now, whether she still loves you and wants you in your life or not, how self-centered is she acting to tell you she wants space? To answer my own question - very self-centered. Stay away - I've been told this numerous times and others will tell you the same thing - You are not ready to hear about her personal life. I guaruntee you that if you stay in contact with her, eventually you're going to find out something that will really really hurt. Just treat her as if she's never coming back - I'm in the middle of that hell right now, but honestly, it's the best thing you'll ever do for yourself. Stop worrying about her - worry about yourself.
UnamedSeven Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 i have talked to her,i told her if shes going to go thru with this being single thing then i will erase her from my life. and she is taking that very hard. she cries alot and says how much she needs me/how sick she is w/o me and how she loves me etc. but she says something is in her is holding her back from being with me. so i chose not to talk to her. but i dont understand why she says all that stuff to me but still wants to be single. Most of the people on this board forget how it would be to be in her shoes. Its obvious that she likes/loves you alot. Shes probably so over-whelmed with the situation, that her mind is split into 2 regions. She wants to be with you, but doesn't want to make it so that she will never date again. She wants to be open to new people/ideas but still be in your arms.
UnamedSeven Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 yes its extremely hard, she tells me she loves me and misses me every single day and when i say that i cant talk to you anymore she literally cries all day, i dont know wat to do anymore i have been going NC but she blows up my phone with i love you texts etc its very confusing One other thing, if she does hurt you, from this point on, im highly suggesting no contact so that she can feel the same pain. Its not fair to be in your position and to be any more hurt than you are right now. Again, im really sorry for the current situation. It doesn't seem like things will be great between the 2 of you if things go where you want them too. And also, good luck all the way through.
Author flyguy23 Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 thanks for your help UnamedSeven
idiot Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I just have to say that my ex gf turned 20 like two weeks before we broke up. Is there some world wide conspiracy among 20 year old women that they just have to break up?
konfuzd Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 While I can totally see where your gf is coming from. It's a scary thought to think at 20 years old, you'll never have a first date, first kiss... etc with anyone else, ever. I also see things from your perspective in that you've invested 2 years of time and effort into making her happy and being a good bf, you don't want to let her go out and screw around, while you sit around waiting for her to have her fun and come back to you. This girl wants to have her cake and eat it too. She thinks she can have her fun and end up with a reliable, honest, long term relationship with you at the end. Well, allowing her to do that would make you the world's biggest doormat. You're going to have to make her sort out her priorities. If it's more important to her to put some extra notches in the bedpost, then obviously you two are not compatible in terms of your priorities and values and maybe it's time for you to find someone who's ready to give you the kind of relationship you need.
UnamedSeven Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 thanks for your help UnamedSeven Anytime. Any other things come up, i will be glad to help
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