flyguy23 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 my girlfriend of 2 years says she loves me and wants to marry me one day but right now she wants to be single and i dont know what to think of it. we got in a huge fight that resulted in a "break" but now she says she wants to be single. she said that while we were doing this, we could still talk and still visit each other (different colleges). i agreed that being single would be ok but i feel liek if she loves me and thinks im her soul mate she shouldnt hook up with other ppl.she said hooking up with other ppl would be ok because we both love each other. but i see alot of issues arising from each of us hooking up with other ppl. she says that she doesnt plan on dating or hooking up with guys but she said what if it happened. i told her that if she had sex with someone then i would never talk to her again and she cried saying that she didnt want to lose me. for the past 2 days i told her that i will never talk to her if she hooks up with other ppl and she has been crying and saying she cant live w/o me and she loves me etc. and blowing up my phone with calls and texts saying she loves and doesnt want to lose me. but she still refuses to be with me and says she wants to be single but doesnt want to lose me. should i stop talkign to this girl forever or wait till she possibly hooks up with someone else before totally erasing her from my life?? shes always been a very good girl and i was her first sexual partner but when she says stuff liek this it makes me feel liek shes trying to be a slut. and i will not be assiociated with that
nopainnogain Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 From being in your shoes I would let her go. Let her hook up with other guys. The more you pressure her not to hook up the more she will . It will hurt either road you take. But i think it will hurt more if you try to pressure her than let her go. She gonna do what shes gonna do no matter how much logic you throw at her.
CaliGuy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 What nopainnogain said. Just move on with your life. Don't call her or anything. Just be happy being you. I know that's hard to understand right now but if you put any expectations on her you will push her away. The more you try to cage her into the relationship, the more she will pull away from you. Give her the GIFT of missing you. It's only by doing so can she realize what she has lost. And if she doesn't, well, you'll be well on your way to healing and will find someone else.
WiseOne1 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Dude listen to nopainnogain and Caliguy. I've been thru this exact same thing before. And yes it does mean she wants to F*** other guys, most likely one of her friends got in her ear or put her up to it. Believe or not females cannot make big decisions on there own without sometype of advice. She might really love you, but she feels like shes missing something, she been brainwashed to believe that when I get 20 I have to atlest have had 20 guys stick there dick in me. And dude im not talking just to be talking I've been thru it, and I known people who have been thru it, and its always the same outcome..never diffrent! Shes young and doesnt want to feel like shes missing anything, and thats fine, but she feels that shes missing it sexual, and you have everyright not to take her back if she ****s other dudes because I damn sure wouldnt. Because after the other dudes hit it, there not gonna want it ether. Either way its gonna hurt you, rather you just drop her and leave...or rather you stay around...and its gonna be much worse if you stay. Sooner or later your gonna start hearing the "new guy" stories, Sooner or later your gonna start hearing about her "sex life" Staying friends might get you a call at 2am in the morning saying "Im Pregnant" What I did is wait to see if she really is gonna date someone else, and she did..So I think its ok to wait and see, but mostly shes gonna lie! Seriously shes gonna tell you for months and months shes not seeing anybody, and one day when she feels very comfortable with you, shes gonna go like UHHHH, "I got a new BF" I would say drop her now, but then again I understand while you feel the need to see if shes gonna go date.
lovelorcet Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Listen up man, that is NO such thing as a soul mate, get that idea out of your head right away. Let this girl go, she wants to get some experience and sleep with other guys. THAT IS NORMAL at her age. Let it go, get out there and have some fun yourself.
Intergalactic Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 if she's breaking up with you to be single, of course she's gonna want to hook up with other people. that's the point of breaking up to be single. asking her to not hook up with anyone, in this case, defeats the purpose of her being single. from what it sounds like, you're probably both young and she doesn't want to be tied down right now. she probably does love you, but the idea of being with you now and then marrying you, spending the rest of your life together makes her feel trapped and that she'll miss out on having fun at this time in her life. let her go, move on, have fun yourself. if things work out in the future, great! if not, there will always be someone else.
EmperorR Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 my girl told me the same thing a week later had a crush on a guy go non contact
EmperorR Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 my girl told me the same thing a week later had a crush on a guy go non contact
WiseOne1 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Its gonna happen eventually, but I still wouldnt believe her, shes gonna keep it a secret from you, thats what my ex did, she kept it a secret for about a month, because she knows I was gonna go NC.
Author flyguy23 Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Thanks for the advice! im going to continue NC. But is what she saying normal or logical? She tries to blame me for not treating her as well as I should of when we dated etc. And I admited that I didnt and have changed the way I treat everyone not just her. But she swears up and down that she wants to marry me in the end and she cant live without me but that being single would be good for both of us while we are young. But I just cant be with someone who says things like that. Am I wrong to feel this way?
michelangelo Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 to feel like you can't be with her in any way if she wants to go off and eff other people. However she phrases it, that is the gist of what she wants to do. yes, she has a residual affection for you and no courage so she will lie to you so you won't react badly to her. In any event, this relationship is over.come to grips with it. Do not be the fall back guy. Otherwise this pain you feel now will be repeated over and over and over. I recommend getting a date as soon as possible. Find some girl who will help you rebound. Don't cry too long. I am positive she is over you already.
EmperorR Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 No contact FTW, btw how old was your gf or should i say ex now?
EmperorR Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 we are both 20 yrs old my ex is 20 as well, i guess its something about turning 20 that they think the grass is greener on teh other side.
WiseOne1 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 My ex is 20 also. Lol I guess when they turn 20 thats when they start thinking it something else out there.
Author flyguy23 Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 are your stories similar to mine?
EmperorR Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Yes, almost similar, something about being 20 and that 2-3 year relationships
WiseOne1 Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 are your stories similar to mine? Mines is, she bassically says she doesnt love me anymore, and doesnt feel the sameway, she says she thinks we should date other people. I informed her that if she goes off and sleeps with other guys shes not coming back to me, then she plays the card that I just want her for sex, I inform her no, Im just not gonna be a fool!
Trojan John Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 It sounds as if she is trying to goad you into getting into a larger fight so that she will be "justified" to go and sleep with someone else.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 My ex is 20 also. Lol I guess when they turn 20 thats when they start thinking it something else out there. hahahah my ex is ALSO 20! And he found a new girl like... just days after he turned 20, then broke up with me about a month later ;p go figure
UnamedSeven Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I'm sorry to hear of your current situation. Its plain and obvious that if she really does love you, then she would want to be with you. Then again, this could all relate to her needing some time to herself to decide if she really does love you. Its complicated, but i am certain that you shouldn't give up on her until you know the whole story. Its your decision if you want to be with her, that much, i don't know.
UnamedSeven Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Thanks for the advice! im going to continue NC. But is what she saying normal or logical? She tries to blame me for not treating her as well as I should of when we dated etc. And I admited that I didnt and have changed the way I treat everyone not just her. But she swears up and down that she wants to marry me in the end and she cant live without me but that being single would be good for both of us while we are young. But I just cant be with someone who says things like that. Am I wrong to feel this way? And no you are not wrong for feeling this way. It would be amazing for just a single normal person, to act the same way, over a five year span. Everyone changes and people adapt to your changes in order to still be a part of your life. Its understandable from where you are coming from saying how she basically, cant decide on one thing. If you honestly think that you can still make things work between the two of you, then try to maybe let things, "Take there course" and see what happens. In my opinion, its hard to decide on one thing at the moment.
Author flyguy23 Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 yes its extremely hard, she tells me she loves me and misses me every single day and when i say that i cant talk to you anymore she literally cries all day, i dont know wat to do anymore i have been going NC but she blows up my phone with i love you texts etc its very confusing
UnamedSeven Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Might i suggest being straight to her? its probably just as troubling to you, as it is to her. It probably makes sense to her, but its literally tearing the two of you apart. She may be able to grasp what you are saying if you talk to her and express how you feel and see what happens. The outcome couldn't be too bad, and you will have to talk to her anyway, if you make any decisions about what you should do.
Author flyguy23 Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 i have talked to her,i told her if shes going to go thru with this being single thing then i will erase her from my life. and she is taking that very hard. she cries alot and says how much she needs me/how sick she is w/o me and how she loves me etc. but she says something is in her is holding her back from being with me. so i chose not to talk to her. but i dont understand why she says all that stuff to me but still wants to be single.
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