Cherbear Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Let me tell you a bit background info. Alan and Hannah dated for about 2 years in college and then they broke up. I was actually pretty good friends with Hannah. I met Alan through her too b/c they were dating. I still remember when Alan broke up with Hannah, she came crying to me b/c everybody thought they were gonna end up together, including me. They made up later on and before long Hannah broke up with Alan, for revenge or whatever. Except that this time, Hannah was not upset at all and Alan was heartbroken. At that time, I was going through a hard time myself b/c my bf and i just broke up and I was heartbroken. Since Hannah and my ex-bf were the ones that initiated the breakups, they didnt seem that upset at all. But Alan and I were miserable b/c we got dumped. So naturally Alan and I bonded over this. We would console each other and talk to each other. We became friends. Before that, we werent close at all. HE's just my gf's bf. We werent really friends. But we became friends after both our breakups. I treated him nothing but a real friend. I never even thought of dating him b/c he's my gf's ex-bf. He was like wearing a wedding ring to me. He's off-limits. He's just my friend. He, however, later told me that he's always had a thing for me, which I was totally unaware of. Anyway, I recently moved from Lousiana to NY. Alan lives in NY so he offered to drive with me b/c I'm a lousy driver. It would be difficult for me to drive to NY alone. Then we thought we should make it into a week-long road trip b/c both of us deserve a vacation. So I was gonna go on a trip with Alan, who has become a pretty close friend of mine. Then something happened. We started kissing and getting intimate. We didn't plan for this but it just came out like a volcano b/c we've been good friends for a while and we really like each other. By the time we got to NY, we decided we should date. Of course hannah is not gonna be happy about this. She says she's ok with it b/c she's got a bf of her own. But i know secretly she resents me for dating her ex-bf, the one she once wanted to marry. But i didnt plan for any of this to happen. I didnt betray her or anything. She broke it off with Alan a year and a half ago and they both went out with several people after that. Anyway, she and Alan are still best buddies. They talk to each other several times a day, online. Alan talks to her more than he talks to me. I'm pretty jealous with their relationship. Like tonight, they went to watch a movie. There were supposed to be other people but Alan told me they cancelled on him at the last second so he went with hannah instead. He called me and told me this after he got home from the movie. And I was pretty upset. I said, so you went to a movie alone with your ex-gf without telling me first. He said "i went to a movie with my friend. i dont think it's that big of a deal." So now i feel like i'm the unreasonable one. Hannah pretty much makes me feel like a bitch for dating her ex-bf and Alan doesn't think it's a big deal for him to hang out with hannah without me(b/c she doesnt wanna hang out with alan and me together) and talking to her several times a day b/c they claim they are best friends. So this is my dillema. He's best buddies with his ex-gf and there's nothing i can do about it. I cant say i'm totally comfortable with this. Has this ever happened to you? If it was you, how would you behave in a situation like this?
Author Cherbear Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Also, hannah would complain to alan about how they spend less time together b/c Alan's spending time with me. She would ask Alan to do something together, Alan would be like "what am i gonna do with Cherri", meaning should he bring me along or shouldnt he b/c Hannah claims she doesnt wanna hang out with the two of us together. And she gets irritated when alan says that b/c when alan was dating other girls after his relationship with hannah, he wouldnt say"what am i gonna do with K or R or whomever" whenever hannah asked him to hang out. So i guess he's more serious about me. But that irritates hannah. She feels like b/c alan is dating me now that she doesnt get to spend a lot of time with her best friend, alan! But i could say the same thing about her. I'm not totally comfortable with my bf hanging out with his most important ex-gf. It's just really messy. I dont know what to do.
riotgrrl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 i would explain to alan that just like hannah is uncomfortable with all 3 of you hanging out that you are also uncomfortable with him and her hanging out so much alone. don't make it seem like u never want them to hang out just ask him to limit it some because of their past history. my boyfriend and i took a 5 month break and both dated other people and we do not hang out with any of the people we dated during that time but he does talk to some of the girls and i talk to some of the guys and that is fine but we are both comfortable with that and it seems like you are not comfortable at all with alan/hannah alan needs to be putting your feelings first because you are his current girlfriend not hannah and i think if he can't do that it's going to be a big issue in your relationship. is it possible that he is not completely over hannah and is using a relationship with you to make hannah jealous in order to win her back?
Author Cherbear Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 alan needs to be putting your feelings first because you are his current girlfriend not hannah and i think if he can't do that it's going to be a big issue in your relationship. is it possible that he is not completely over hannah and is using a relationship with you to make hannah jealous in order to win her back? I thought of that possibility. But every time I bring it up to alan, he denies it abruptly "no!" They really do seem like just best friends. And it would be unreasonable of me to ask them not to hang out at all. Just not too much. For God's sakes, they talk like 5 times a day. If i talk 5 times a day with alan, he would be all "i feel crowded" and all that.
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