2sunny Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 if it's a significant violation - as she explained... then it often takes time to process and work through - if ever.
Trialbyfire Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 unders, think of all the good things about him. His kindness and caring for others. He sounds like a giving person. Are you sure there isn't a way to work through this?
norajane Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 What's bothering you more? That he lied to you about something significant, or the something significant that he lied about?
Nemo Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 What's bothering you more? That he lied to you about something significant, or the something significant that he lied about? Wow, that's deep. And very Dr Phil.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 'I knew you were different, you are someone who values the truth, therefore I felt like I couldn't tell it to you.' What? Hey wait this is a man coming out with this?. Holy out of the ordinary batman!
Storyrider Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 It must have been a lie about something meaningful, or it could be easily forgiven...but it seems like he lied before he loved you and when he loved you more, he told you the truth? Or did he just get caught in it?
Nemo Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 It must have been a lie about something meaningful, or it could be easily forgiven...but it seems like he lied before he loved you and when he loved you more, he told you the truth? That is an excellent way of framing it.
Storyrider Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 That is an excellent way of framing it. That could be sort of confusing under certain circumstances.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Hey wait this is a man coming out with this?. Holy out of the ordinary batman! Unders, your post is very ambiguous, but I'm sure you'll work things out.
Nevermind Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Hello unders, ((hugs)) I feel that you're having a really hard time. No matter what he lied about - if it makes you feel like this it is worth taking time to think about it and about your relationship. Don't put your head in the sand. And don't make any final decisions just yet. You're strong and very smart, you'll make the right decision - in time.
daphne Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 unders, Sorry you're down. From my experience with my last two exes, both liars, I have to say that it's really, really, really not worth it. I hope I exagerated that enough. And how he excused it in your initial post to me shows that he doesn't really feel bad about it. He was being pragmatic about his lie. One ex would tear up, look sad, slump his shoulders, and then say something really stupid like your guy did. He was full of crap. Cos he did it multiple times and every time the same. If it was a lie that might have kept you from continuing to date the guy in the first place, he just wanted to have things his way without regard to what you needs. That's a big red flag to me now. I recommend ice cream.
Trialbyfire Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 unders, this is almost impossible to give any reasonable advice without knowing what the lie is. From what you've barely mentioned on LS, he seems to be a great guy. It seems that he's made you happy for an extended length of time. With this in mind, beyond cheating or being involved in an affair or some form of illegal act, how traumatic is this lie?
Nemo Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I'll be honest - to me, it's no big deal that he used to be gay before you came into his life. Take it as a compliment. Anyway, people change. It happens.
Touche Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Hey, Undies. Hope you're doing well. I agree that there's not much we can do to help without knowing a little more but know that we're here to support you anyway. Hugs!
Freedom Now Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Unders, I am in the same boat. A man I trusted has lied to me. And my emotions are all over the place. And he feels awful about lying, too. Today, for the most part, I am so sad that he took me back to an emotional place that I didn't want to go. I was doing fine before he lied. Better than fine, really.... I was doing really well.... And his lies made me stumble and fall emotionally. I, too, am hurting terribly. Hugs to you... FN
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