LoveLace Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 The guy I talked about so much on here a few weeks ago, that I called "C" - has just called and asked me out! Sure, maybe it took him 3 weeks, but I couldn't be more giddy! We have still been emailing here and there; today I emailed him to see if he wanted to catch a movie tonight, because due to my mom being hurt from a car wreck, I've been stuck in the house for days. He called me said "A movie is out of the question - we can't talk that way!" and we're meeting for drinks instead. The LS majority, including myself, thought this would never happen! I'm pleasantly surprised. Let the story begin! lol.
Konfuzion Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Congrats, I hope you two have a wonderful evening.
shadowplay Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 That's awesome! I'm so excited for you. I know how great that feels. Let us know how it goes.
Nemo Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 The LS majority, including myself, thought this would never happen! It's so true that most people here have no idea. Not a clue. I'm doing my small part to thrust wisdom, insight, and profundity into the dark void of bitterness all around us. OK. Maybe my part isn't that small, but I don't like to brag.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Good for you LL, now what happens after the drinks?
BlueEyedGirl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Congrats Is it that guy that's in the band?
Author LoveLace Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Congrats Is it that guy that's in the band? Yes! We had a fantastic time! Met at a favorite tavern of his where everyone was extremely friendly and we laughed so much my face hurts today. At the same time, he and I managed to get in a good hour or 2 of one on one talk time. There was never moment of pause in conversation that felt awkward as if you don't know what to say next, it flowed incredibly. BUT...yes, of course, there is always a BUT.... 1st of all, I was surprised in conversation when we talked about music and more than once he'd say, "I'll have to play you this sometime", and "we'll have to go see this band" and all this very enthusiastic future hanging-out talk. Sounds pretty good right? Here's the BUT - at one point he mentioned he's going on a vacation to Mexico later this month, and said.."well I'm kind of seeing someone..." he shrugged and put his hands up, as if it was a little hard for him to tell me. But he went on to say she lives a couple hours away and they've only seen each other "a few times" and he doesn't consider this an LDR because he doesn't want an LDR. He made it sound as though it's a very casual no-strings-attached thing and that she's an older woman who has a thing for younger men (only a 5 year difference there, but whatev)..I actually laughed and joked that he has a "sugar mama". Basically sounds like he has no intention of getting serious with her, nor does it sound that way on her end, really, but who knows. I was not surprised though, I found it hard to believe this wonderful guy is totally single. So I gather from this that he is being honest with me for a reason, because he wants to keep hanging out with me, and it's a breath of fresh air for me, because the last guy I dated kept the rest of his life completely hidden from me. He walked me to my car later and I gave him one of those little corner kisses on the lips, which he received well; he said "man, what a great hang that was", and I agreed. So it's as though a new friendship has been established for certain, and I think we're open to whatever possibilities might come of it. But I have to say, if it were to stay exactly as it was last night, I couldn't complain, he's such a good talker and listener and overall some of the best company I've ever had in life. I don't want to lose that, so he'll have to take the steering wheel from now on...
thewomantoblame Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Congratulations. I'm glad you had a good time. Hopefully things will play out with the other girl and you can just take things slowly in the meantime.
Author LoveLace Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Congratulations. I'm glad you had a good time. Hopefully things will play out with the other girl and you can just take things slowly in the meantime. Thanks...yea I'd say anything to come will be natural, which is how the whole thing has been so far and that seems to work out fine.
Balthazar Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 It's so true that most people here have no idea. Not a clue. I'm doing my small part to thrust wisdom, insight, and profundity into the dark void of bitterness all around us. OK. Maybe my part isn't that small, but I don't like to brag. So Nemo, are you saying that you are the greatest member on LS? Congrats Lovelace! Hope you have a great time!
pretty professional Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Well....I can't say congrats because I would not date a guy who said he was "sort of" seeing someone else. If he was that crazy about you, he wouldn't have brought it up, and ended it after meeting you. Sorry I don't think anything serious here with this guy for you. When a guy says "I"m seeing someone else" even with a "sort of" he's got a get out of jail free card from a relationship with you. He's not planning on that with you.
amymarieca Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Well....I can't say congrats because I would not date a guy who said he was "sort of" seeing someone else. If he was that crazy about you, he wouldn't have brought it up, and ended it after meeting you. Sorry I don't think anything serious here with this guy for you. When a guy says "I"m seeing someone else" even with a "sort of" he's got a get out of jail free card from a relationship with you. He's not planning on that with you. Thanks for bringing this up. I was thinking that the whole time while reading this thread and someone finally said it. I don't mean to sound harsh, but when a guy is totally into you, he won't wait three whole weeks to call. It sounds like he is keeping both of you on the back burner and you are willing to put up with that. Don't you want someone who only wants to be with you? This reminds me of a guy I was dating about a month ago. He was fabulous- charming, successful, kind, and incredibly good looking. I thought I was going to melt when I was around him. The situation was very similar to yours- he never really established that we were ever dating officially. I finally woke up and realized I was being toyed with. No matter how fantastic this guy was, he was never going to care for me the way I wanted. It took all my strength to cut him off, but I am glad I did it. I deserve better.
pretty professional Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I hate to say this, also, but he didn't ask you out, you asked him out, which is why he called you. You were emailing each other but he didn't call and ask you out on his own volition, he only called and asked you out after you asked him to a movie over email. So, technically you asked him out and then he called back to confirm.
Author LoveLace Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Thanks for bringing this up. I was thinking that the whole time while reading this thread and someone finally said it. I don't mean to sound harsh, but when a guy is totally into you, he won't wait three whole weeks to call. It sounds like he is keeping both of you on the back burner and you are willing to put up with that. Don't you want someone who only wants to be with you? This reminds me of a guy I was dating about a month ago. He was fabulous- charming, successful, kind, and incredibly good looking. I thought I was going to melt when I was around him. The situation was very similar to yours- he never really established that we were ever dating officially. I finally woke up and realized I was being toyed with. No matter how fantastic this guy was, he was never going to care for me the way I wanted. It took all my strength to cut him off, but I am glad I did it. I deserve better. Well to be clear we've seen each other a couple times since I gave him my #, but I never once said why haven't you called or anything of that sort. When I emailed him, I expected he'd email back, so the fact that he called was pleasantly surprising. And it was him that said he'd rather be in a talking situation than a movie situation, which was also quite pleasantly surprising. So it isn't as though I did all the work, and I gotta give him credit for that. And considering he works 2 jobs days and nights, I don't think 3 weeks is really that long. One thing your right about is, I don't know if I could share him, so I'll probably just have to tell him we can just be friends, that's fine. Although we've known each other a long time, we've never been a planned situation of hanging out; it's always been "running into eachother". So this was our 1st official arranged hang-out one-on-one. He talked about his 2 jobs and how he's so busy and yadda yadda, then made some comment that he only makes time for the people that really mean something to him, and he said one of those people is me, so I at least feel like a very well-liked person right now and there's nothin' wrong with that! I can see if a guy just said "I'm seeing someone", but he stressed over and over about how not-serious the thing is. I don't think someone would say that if they wanted to scare you off completely from hanging out or whatever - then they'd have to say that it IS serious. At this point I'm happy he's come to consider me such a good friend and wants to hang out with me more. But our encounters will for sure be sporadic because of our schedules. So I don't feel like I"m in hurry-mode, I feel like I have a new close friend (promoted from acquaintance), and that's all a good feeling. There's no reason why it can't stay that way. But if he really starts to move in on it, we'll just have to have "that" discussion and thats the way it goes. But he's been such a nice guy and friend to me that I can't just blow him off.
Author LoveLace Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Maybe its twisted, but I think I feel respect for C right now, because the last guy in my life kept everything about his life so secretive, and would not even disclose info about other women even if I gave him the chance to. Then I found out another way, there was all kinds of sh*t about him that I didn't know (like other women). Just because C told me about the woman might not mean he's interested, but still, it's like a breath of fresh air to not be in the dark.
carhill Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 The guy I talked about so much on here a few weeks ago, that I called "C" - has just called and asked me out! Sure, maybe it took him 3 weeks, but I couldn't be more giddy! I wanted to quote this part of the OP and bold a portion to underscore what I like to call "timing". In your heart of hearts, I think you know that you're a little "ahead" of this guy. I also think the concerns prettyprofessional raised are valid. I still see positives and would like to see your and his timing more in sync. You say you like "hanging out" as "friends", but let's be serious here. You wouldn't be thrilled if he wanted you to "hang out" at his wedding to someone else, would you? Acknowledging that is critical to timing. Let him call you, preferably after he's returned from Mexico. Plenty of time for him to process "things".
Star Gazer Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 It wasn't a date, LL. It's pretty clear to me that this guy doesn't see you as someone with romantic potential. You're looking for positive signs that he's into you, but we're just not seeing it. He told you he's sorta seeing someone the same way I would tell you that I'm sorta seeing someone...as a friend. He sees you as a friend.
2sunny Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 i agree - he sees you basically as a friend. the gal he's seeing is further away so he can justify catching up with you as a friend since she's not always around. i wonder how she would like it if she knew he had spent time with you? how would you like it if the roles were reversed and he saw her behind your back? i don't view the two of you meeting up as a good sign of his character - just that he'll get away with what he can. don't read so much into every guy that looks your way. it makes you appear desperate. if you take that desperate impression you give here when you go out on a so called date it will be a turn off every time.
Author LoveLace Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Well I don't know but he's already left me a message today asking what I have going on this weekend but he didn't say why yet. Yes we are friends and it's a great thing. But might as well let it flow as it goes. If he and this woman have an understanding that they are not exclusive (which is how he describes it) then we wouldn't be doing anything wrong by hanging out. If a moment comes that it's necessary to talk about it further, then we will. I have to go by what he tells me about his what ever other relations he has and act accordingly. And I know him to be an honest guy anyway so that helps. Well I just got home so I'm waiting a little while to call back and find out what the weekend thing is all about.
Author LoveLace Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Hmm, well I called him back and got his vm, then he called back but I missed his call AGAIN, so he left a vm that the band is travelling a few hours away this weekend, and wanted to know if I wanted to tag along for a road trip! (They travel seperately though, they don't have a tour bus or anything)..anyway, I haven't told him yet that I can't go, because I work this weekend. Their schedule does in fact say they are playing in another city Saturday...I just wonder if he's planning to come back that same night (which would be very very late) or spend the night, and how I was supposed to play into that...but no sense in asking, obviously, if I can't go...so I guess I'll call him back and tell him thanks for the invite anyway...got me scratching my head, this one. Oh well, that's nothing new! However, I guess we've officially been promoted from emailing to calling now.
Author LoveLace Posted October 4, 2008 Author Posted October 4, 2008 So I talked to C finally, told him I can't travel this weekend. Then I asked if he had plans to drive back the same night or not, and he said that's up in the air because there is a friends place he could crash at if he wanted to. So I either would have had to be in a car all night long, or stuck at a strangers' place....neither are very appealing to me but perhaps he wasn't thinking much about that part when he thought about a travelling companion. But then he mentioned some music he think I'd like to see later this week. So now he's supposed to call when he's back in town to talk about the details. I don't know if it's supposed to be a "date" or not, but either way I think that'll be a good time to ask him what it is he really wants from me at this point. ? He was at work while we talked earlier, so that wasn't a good time for it. But I have to ask more about this other woman because they are supposed to take a trip together later this month; I can't ignore that if he's inviting me to do things. Part of me feels very excited but the rest is just a mystery and I think I'm liking it that way...
Emilyy4256 Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Oh wow. I seriously get where you're coming from. I was dating a guy not too long ago, and when I brought up the subject of "going steady",(stupid idea) he freaked out saying that he needed to "keep his options open". Needless to say we're definitely not "going steady". The best advice I can give you is to just talk to him about it.
Ariadne Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Yey! Good going with singer guy LL. Seems like sticking around this time paid.
2sunny Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 LL- no need to have a "talk" with a guy about his intentions with you at this point or anytime soon. view him as a friend that is asking you to do things he knows may interest you. don't make a big deal about any of it... and don't be available every time he asks. i think it's actually good it didn't work out for this weekend... if he wants to see you - he has to try again. by asking his intentions with you or the other gal is requiring him to explain his position before he may be ready - thus scaring him away before things get started. he'll tell you things when he is ready - or not. just lay low and enjoy his company when you are able to go out with him. don't make a big deal of any of it - just go have fun!
Kamille Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 How fun LL. I think a few people are over-reacting on here. The "kind of seeing someone" raises flags, but there is nothing wrong with multi-dating and you're right, he was upfront about it. Keep it casual, and keep your feelings out of the pot, until it is clear you're both on the same page and you should be fine.
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