Konfuzion Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Damn, I know there is probably no advice for this but I just need to vent. So this morning I was taking a nap (in my boxers and an undershirt) and my jogging partner called me and asked if it was ok for her to stop by, I told her that that would be fine and that I was taking a nap so to just let herself in. So she came over and I woke up and she came into my room and said "I have a really big favor to ask, my Mother kicked me out and I really need to take a shower can I take one here?" I didn't see any problem with it so I said "yeah". So she showers and get out and had got dressed (shorts and a tank top, with no bra) and my door bell rings, so she asked me if I wanted her to get it I said "yeah". So she goes to the door and I got up and put some pants on (so now I am in pants and a undershirt) and I went to the door.. Its the girl i am dating and she looks pissed, I told her to come in and I went to kiss her and she pulled away. I couldn't understand what the problem was at first. Anyway she said to me "I came over to surprize you before work, but I am the one that got the surprize." My heart sunk, I understood why she was mad. And then I looked at things from her perspective and we were both half dressed and my heart sank more. I walked her out to her car, and I was like we need to talk and she was telling me she has to get to work and she doesnt have time right now and that she needed to go get food. Then she tells me "I will call you later" I was like "Your not coming over tonight?" her "I will call you later". I am thinking to myself damn I guess shes over me. Anyway she finally agreed to come over tonight so we could talk, but she totaly thinks I slept with this girl who I should add is fat and African American (I point this out because I am not attracted to African American people or fat people). So anyway this is how being a nice person and trying to help a friend out can totally screw you..... Bummed in LA
D-Lish Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 who I should add is fat and African American (I point this out because I am not attracted to African American people or fat people). Hmm, you're going to offend some people with that statement.... BUT, I'll push forward with some advice. I would just explain the situation calmly and make no apologies for your friend being there... but do make apologies with regard to how she must have felt seeing walking in on this. So- validate how she must be feeling. The fact that she is coming by tonight means she believes you on some levels. That's a good sign. If need be- have your friend back up your story. If she's truly just a friend, she shouldn't have a problem doing so... It was a misunderstanding she was a part of- so her collaberation may help you. Once my bf (with keys to my place) came by really late at night to crawl into bed with me after he finished work. I was sitting there in my pj's with my male neighbour also in pj's having a beer (he lived directly across the hall from me). My guy turned and left and didn't speak to me for a couple days. My neighbour was a close friend and his gf had just walked out on him and he came by to vent. My neighbour ended up calling my bf and explaining what the deal was which really softened the situation. We did work things out. You owe no apologies for having a female friend that you did a favour for... But er feelings still need to be validated. Whatever you do, just don't get defensive... lol. When someone gets defensive, I assume they have something to hide! good luck.
Author Konfuzion Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Hmm, you're going to offend some people with that statement.... BUT, I'll push forward with some advice. I would just explain the situation calmly and make no apologies for your friend being there... but do make apologies with regard to how she must have felt seeing walking in on this. So- validate how she must be feeling. The fact that she is coming by tonight means she believes you on some levels. That's a good sign. If need be- have your friend back up your story. If she's truly just a friend, she shouldn't have a problem doing so... It was a misunderstanding she was a part of- so her collaberation may help you. Once my bf (with keys to my place) came by really late at night to crawl into bed with me after he finished work. I was sitting there in my pj's with my male neighbour also in pj's having a beer (he lived directly across the hall from me). My guy turned and left and didn't speak to me for a couple days. My neighbour was a close friend and his gf had just walked out on him and he came by to vent. My neighbour ended up calling my bf and explaining what the deal was which really softened the situation. We did work things out. You owe no apologies for having a female friend that you did a favour for... But er feelings still need to be validated. Whatever you do, just don't get defensive... lol. When someone gets defensive, I assume they have something to hide! good luck. Really good advice, thanks a bunch. who I should add is fat and African American (I point this out because I am not attracted to African American people or fat people). Well I hope no one takes offense to this, I am not racist or anything like that. Everyone likes different things which is why were all different I just am not attracted to the above....
KinAZ Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 How do you know this jogging partner? There are many factors of course, but generally, within a certain age group, men don't tend to make new friends with women they're not interested in/attracted to, etc. Is she a work buddy and you became friends? Did you meet her in some sort of group? A neighbor? However it happened, just make note in the future that you GFs will more than likely want to know all the women in your life. Maybe not the friend from college you talk to 3 times a year, but certainly the people you're around regularly for social reasons. She may not want to start jogging with the two of you, but she may certainly want to be introduced, eye the girl up and down, etc, to get an idea of who this woman is, and if her interest in you is purely platonic. If they've already met, and your GF knows all the details etc, it might be fairly easy to explain your way out of that one. However, that doesn't mean she won't still have a sour taste in her mouth, and you might have to have a discussion about relationship boundaries and such when it comes to friends of the opposite sex.
Author Konfuzion Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 How do you know this jogging partner? There are many factors of course, but generally, within a certain age group, men don't tend to make new friends with women they're not interested in/attracted to, etc. Is she a work buddy and you became friends? Did you meet her in some sort of group? A neighbor? However it happened, just make note in the future that you GFs will more than likely want to know all the women in your life. Maybe not the friend from college you talk to 3 times a year, but certainly the people you're around regularly for social reasons. She may not want to start jogging with the two of you, but she may certainly want to be introduced, eye the girl up and down, etc, to get an idea of who this woman is, and if her interest in you is purely platonic. If they've already met, and your GF knows all the details etc, it might be fairly easy to explain your way out of that one. However, that doesn't mean she won't still have a sour taste in her mouth, and you might have to have a discussion about relationship boundaries and such when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. Hmmmm I have mentioned my jogging partner to her on many occasions because I live a active life style and exercise regularly I will make comments like "Me and Tina went running today and...." The way in which I met this running partner is I work in health care and her mother was my patient, I guess by looking at me she knew I knew my stuff about fitness and nutrition and she asked me to help her loose weight and I jumped at the opertunity. I would help anyone who wanted help with that.
Green Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Sounds fishy, she probably thinks you had jungle fever
Author Konfuzion Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 So the girl I was seeing just called and basically said we have no reason to talk and she was calling me Sir or by my full name which she knows I hate. Damn it I really like her. Nice guys DO finish last....
nopainnogain Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Sounds fishy, she probably thinks you had jungle fever lol. Jungle love ,its driving me mad ,its making me crazy!
DeePee Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Give her a day or two, and get back to her. After that, if she's still upset over it and doesn't understand move on. If the trust isn't there, it won't work. Obviously she's hurt seeing and thinking that, but she's got to realize that nothing happened. Just make sure that she's the one you're trying make feel better, not yourself... and don't apologize for it.
Author Konfuzion Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Well thank god she just came by my house at 1:30am and rang the doorbell, and we talked for 1.5 hours and things seem to be ok. She still seems to be a little hurt/upset but were going to move past it.
Eve Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Well thank god she just came by my house at 1:30am and rang the doorbell, and we talked for 1.5 hours and things seem to be ok. She still seems to be a little hurt/upset but were going to move past it. Making up is the best part... She must really care for you - well thats the impression I got by the fact that she came by so late.. Oh, so sweet! It must have really got to her to see a female in your home. So, I can understand your girlfriends coldness in some respects. I am sure that she does know you and your preferences etc, it was just seeing another woman there she was probably thinking, 'ok, is everything going to change?' Anyhow, glad you are sorted.. until the next time ..
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