winter Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 A mutual friend of mine and hers (she has known married friend longer than I have, but they are not that close, they worked together for a time) called me today, and asked me what was going on with me and the married friend. Apparently the married friend told her her 'version' of the story, and our mutual friend didn't believe I would ever involve myself in an affair. She thought something must be up, so called me. I broke down in tears on the phone and told her what happened. She (the mutual friend) actually comforted me and told me that this wasn't the first time married friend has done this. Apparently, years ago, before I met the married friend, she had done the same thing. She had a long-term male partner at the time, they were living together, but were not getting along very well, and she had an emotional affair with a much younger single male friend of his. She chased this young guy. Mutual friend thinks it was more than an emotional affair, but she didn't know for sure. The young friend refused to have anything to do with her afterwards, and her and her male partner broke up a few weeks later. I knew about the breakup, but the reasons I was given had nothing to do with some young guy. I have to say, I met her former partner, and he was a jerk, very arrogant, so I believed her version of the breakup, it made sense. The mutual friend told me to stop being so hard on myself. She also told me that the married friend cannot be trusted too far. She also told me that married friend simply cannot keep a secret, and that anything I say to her will most likely be spread around, so to be careful. I asked her why she hadn't warned me sooner, and she said that she thought I wouldn't have listened, which is probably true. I asked her to keep what I told her private, and she assured me that she would. She is pretty pissed off with married friend as well, and said that she has my back on this, because she knows I would never screw around with someone's wife. I am feeling like I have some closure.
jj33 Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Im glad you were able to get confirmation. Its so disappointing but at the same time important information to have. Am really sorry its hard to find out someone you considered to be a close friend can not be trusted. Take good care
quankanne Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 also am glad that someone has given you more input about this girl's behavior, though the whole losing someone-as-close-as-a-sister has got to hurt. I guess there are NO off-limits for this gal, are there?
Author winter Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 I think I was seeing the friendship through rose-colored glasses. I could feel that there was something that I didn't know, and now I know. The friendship has become toxic, and I don't want toxic friendships. I am glad to have found out what I did. Yes, it is disappointing, but I feel so relieved to know the truth, as though a weight has lifted. I will certainly stop blaming myself now. It all feels really weird and surreal right now. I thought that this woman was my best friend, but really, she wasn't even who I thought her to be.
Author winter Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 though the whole losing someone-as-close-as-a-sister has got to hurt Yes, it hurts a lot. I've been crying so much over the past few days. My mom called me last night because she felt that something was wrong. Then mutual friend called. Posting here has been helping me as well to feel less alone with all of this. I don't think it has really hit me yet though. I'm going to really miss her. We had a lot of good times together, and we spent a great deal of time talking and hanging out. Staying in the friendship would be worse for me though, because chances are, she'd hurt me again somehow. The trust is gone. It sort of feels like suspended animation or something. It's hard to explain. Perhaps I'm in emotional shock somewhat.
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 CUT this woman OUT of your life. She is poison to you! Maybe it's a good thing this has happened because you do seem TOO attached to her. I wonder if it's possible you've sent her mixed signals? Either way, focus on your wife. Let her know what has been going on.
Author winter Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 whoa, I don't think you read my back story I'm a single woman. She was my best friend for ten years. She is the married one. I don't think I was too attached. Women are usually quite close to their best friend. But, I am choosing to end the friendship, because she is poison! You're right about that!
blueberry Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I broke down in tears on the phone and told her what happened. She (the mutual friend) actually comforted me and told me that this wasn't the first time married friend has done this. I. Sure this "mutual friend" hasn't also got designs on you? Sorry - just me playing Devils advocate.... be wary of what she has to say.
Author winter Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Sure this "mutual friend" hasn't also got designs on you? I don't think so. She likes older men. I'm a woman, and young enough to be her daughter. She has grown children my age. She's a mother hen type. I think she's honestly looking out for me. I don't think she would have ever told me what she did had this not happened. It wasn't easy for her to tell me. She felt the need to protect me, the same way she'd protect one of her kids.
blueberry Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 apologies - me getting my sexes mixed up ..... again.
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Winter, I'm sorry. I think I got your situation mixed up with someone else's.. Yup, she (atleast right now) isn't a friend to you. Best thing is to distance yourself and stay away.
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