lovejunkie10 Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 SO Hi all! I have been reading this website for quite a while and it appears that a lot of you have great insight so here goes.. I have been married for over 8 years, 3 stepkids (now 2- 23 and one 26) and I am a third wife (he is my only marriage). I recently moved out and have asked for divorce. My husband has a lot of great traits but he has anger and control issues and over time, they have worn down the feelings that I have for him. I have told him time and again that when he tells me to f... off or shut the f... off , etc., that it really diminishes our relationship as well as my feelings for him but he has never taken me seriously. BTW, in response, I only say he is being a jerk. I have been a good wife- I love to cook and pretty much are a gourmet in that area, I take really good care of myself physically and am considered attractive, I take good care of our house and I have been a good stepmom to my stepkids. I also have been a good partner financially and a hard worker. But along with all the above, I think that the underlying problem is that I am just not attracted to him sexually anymore. It could be the above , I am not sure.. we had challenges in that area in the past from the get-go and I think that we both just figured that we would work on it/make it work, and it did for a long time but now I think I want more. I guess my question is: am I being ridiculous? We have a lot of great assets (homes, land, etc.) and I am walking away from all that and he is honestly my best friend. Part of me is like, what am I doing? I told him last week that the best thing that I could do is to be honest and let him go . .he is willing(Now) to work on things and is taking me seriously at this point, but I feel like it is too little too late. I told him that I am setting him (and me) free to meet that person who will be a better "fit" . So am I being unrealistic? I know that nobody is perfect.. but I want to enjoy sex with my husband and feel "safe" with him. With the hubby, I am always walking on eggshells. So long as I am doing what he thinks I should be it is great and he is supportive, but if it starts to affect his lifestyle, then he gets irritated. BTW, our friends are not surprised as it is pretty well known that he has a temper. They have always felt that he was fortunate to have me, I have felt fortunate to have my lifestyle and a good loyal guy (that has never been a problem).. any thoughts? Oh, also I have been going thru IC for the last two years and have done a lot of growth and have grown up as a result. So that may be why as well I have decided that I want different. The Counselor says that I am codependent. Oh, and btw, she has met with the hubby for about 7 mos in the past and also some of my kids so she has pretty good insight I think.. Thanks!
Geishawhelk Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Do you think that if he says he wants to change, it might be a good idea to give MC a chance? Why not give it a shot and see how it goes? I say this a lot, but MC isn't necessarily about keeping people together, it's about giving them common ground and a 'level playing field' on which to air their views.... The sex bit may also get addressed, for all you know..... I would suggest at least giving it a go. You actually have nothing to lose, really....
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