Jack-Torrance Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Hi, I've just moved up to Coventry (one week now) for 4 years of study, I'm from London which is where my girlfriend lives, (also at Uni) about 130 miles away but I intend to visit there frequently. I've been with her for 1 year, she is 45, I am 27, I know big age gap. We both agreed that we would continue our relationship and although difficult wouldn't allow the distance to become a barrirer. we've been texting each other and I've spoken to her a few times on the phone. She's quite insecure and hates when I'm around other girls. During our phone convo on the 3rd night I noticed she wasn't telling me much about what she'd been upto or had planned and the whole convo seemed to be about me. This had been happening for a couple of nights which doesn't seem like her so I knew something wasn't quite right. What she doesn't know Is that I have the mobile number of her lodger who I get on with. I text him and asked If she seemed OK and he told me she wasn't there and had been out for the last 5 hours (now 11'o'clock), he even opened her door to confirm it. This raised my suspicions of her being upto no good as I'd only spoken to her an hour previously and she told me she was in her room doing some assignment. Her lodger had also told me he'd glimpsed over her shoulder whlile downstairs and seen her a few times on a typing on what looks like a dating site. Around 3 am the I received a random text from from her saying, '' I love you to bitsxxx''. I didn't reply to It as my mind was all over the place. 20 minutes after that I received a video text from her lodger which he'd recorded from one of the upstairs windows showing her talking to some older guy, she hugged him then walked to the door. I know this is not concrete proof that shes cheating because she didn't kiss the guy, only hugged him. But it is proof that she lied and was deceitful towards me. She has no idea I know about it and we still text and phone each other. She's quite insecure and hates when I'm talking to other girls. I was thinking of calling her when I'm around some female classmates so that she can hear them in the background just to make her jealous. Is this a good idea? How can I hint to her I know about what she did and about her going on the dating site without her knowing where I got the evidence? Thanks for any help, John.
crimsonrose Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Hi, I've just moved up to Coventry (one week now) for 4 years of study, I'm from London which is where my girlfriend lives, (also at Uni) about 130 miles away but I intend to visit there frequently. I've been with her for 1 year, she is 45, I am 27, I know big age gap. We both agreed that we would continue our relationship and although difficult wouldn't allow the distance to become a barrirer. we've been texting each other and I've spoken to her a few times on the phone. She's quite insecure and hates when I'm around other girls. During our phone convo on the 3rd night I noticed she wasn't telling me much about what she'd been upto or had planned and the whole convo seemed to be about me. This had been happening for a couple of nights which doesn't seem like her so I knew something wasn't quite right. What she doesn't know Is that I have the mobile number of her lodger who I get on with. I text him and asked If she seemed OK and he told me she wasn't there and had been out for the last 5 hours (now 11'o'clock), he even opened her door to confirm it. This raised my suspicions of her being upto no good as I'd only spoken to her an hour previously and she told me she was in her room doing some assignment. Her lodger had also told me he'd glimpsed over her shoulder whlile downstairs and seen her a few times on a typing on what looks like a dating site. Around 3 am the I received a random text from from her saying, '' I love you to bitsxxx''. I didn't reply to It as my mind was all over the place. 20 minutes after that I received a video text from her lodger which he'd recorded from one of the upstairs windows showing her talking to some older guy, she hugged him then walked to the door. I know this is not concrete proof that shes cheating because she didn't kiss the guy, only hugged him. But it is proof that she lied and was deceitful towards me. She has no idea I know about it and we still text and phone each other. She's quite insecure and hates when I'm talking to other girls. I was thinking of calling her when I'm around some female classmates so that she can hear them in the background just to make her jealous. Is this a good idea? How can I hint to her I know about what she did and about her going on the dating site without her knowing where I got the evidence? Thanks for any help, John. You need to just openly ask her if shes really been doing what she says shes been doing the past few nights, because for some reason you feel nervous it may not be the case. Don't accuse her of lying, as this will only make her defensive, just kinda slide in there that when in an LDR its hard to trust sometimes and youre afraid shell cheat on you. If you can't be open now you won't be able to be open later My fiance tells me EVERYTHING, from when he slips and lusts after another woman in his mind to when he spoke to a female. I do the same for him. It can be painful but because he tells me everything- good and bad- I know I can always trust him when he says something that seems like it wouldnt be true
Author Jack-Torrance Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Ok Thanks, I think I'll do that.
BettyBoop Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 I was thinking of calling her when I'm around some female classmates so that she can hear them in the background just to make her jealous. Is this a good idea? No, it is not a good idea. Two wrongs doesn't make a right. If your g/f is insecure and perhaps is seeking male attention to feed her fragile ego then hearing girls in the background will only make the situation worse. I agree that you need to talk to her. Perhaps ask her how she really feels about the distance thing and if she is really OK with it.
crimsonrose Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 No, it is not a good idea. Two wrongs doesn't make a right. If your g/f is insecure and perhaps is seeking male attention to feed her fragile ego then hearing girls in the background will only make the situation worse. I agree that you need to talk to her. Perhaps ask her how she really feels about the distance thing and if she is really OK with it. Woohoo! You agree with me this time! lol. Makes me happy.
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