I'm a married woman

[soulconfessions]

Hi I'm a newbie.. My story is somewhat the same as some you've already read on this site, therefore I am hoping that I fit right in and not judged to harshly.

 

Let me give you a little background of myself and my situation. I'm basically an at home mom in my late 30's, I've been married for 19 years. Hubby was my very first boyfriend and the man I gave my virginity to the first night we met. Due to the fact that I was verbally, mentally and sometimes physically abused by my sibling, I delveloped and carried a lot of insecurities into my adulthood. I also had an over protective dad who sheltered me from real lifes experiences, therefore I was gaulable to the first young man who showed interest in me and that man was my husband.. Anyway after losing my verginity, hubby and I dated briefly and then married. After marriage i never persued a career or continued my education. My life was dedicated to being a good mom to my kids and the perfect wife to my husband. I knew nothing else outside of that box. I didn't have many girlfriends, I never socialized in clubs or at parties. i never had the time or space to find to myself or to experience life as a single independant woman. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and I still do love my husband but if I knew then what I know now i would have done thing a lot different. Be it as is may..

 

 

 

After 15 years into my marriage I started fantizing about what I missed out on as a young adult woman. i also started fanatasiziing about how it would feel to have intercourse with another man. As the fantasies got stronger I eventually met a wonderful MM online who treated me like I was the prettiest woman in the world.We started a relationship and I fell deeply in love with this man which lead to some drama between us because I let my emotions and jealousy get the best of me . Drama aside, we still had a lovely relationship that carried on for several years until circumstances prevented us from seeing each other again. We still talk to each other over the phone and our feelings for one another are mutual. given the opportunity we would see each other again. but at that time of our seperation the heartbreak I felt was unbearable.

 

 

 

I felt the only way to get over my heartache was to go out and meet another man which is what I did and is currently in a relationship with that other man. The relationship I have with this man is a lot differnet from my previous relationship. He is single and very much into living life in the moment. Unfortunately after 3 years i have developed feelings for this man. I can't say that i am in love with this man however I do care for him very deeply. the problem is my thoughts are consumed by him. Our feeling are not mutual. He always states that he cares for me and if anything ever happend to me he would be devastated. I guess I can understand that since i am a married woman and it's unfair to expect another man to love me under my circumstances. Our relationship isn't strictly about sex. my lover recently lost his job and now he needs me more than occasional sex. I help him financially when I can and emotionally and now that he's no longer working we see and talk to each other more often. My question is how could he expect me not to have feelings for him now that we are spending more time together and how do I put my jealousy for other women behind me?

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[whichwayisup]

Forget the OM in your life. What about your husband?

 

You've added MORE drama into your life, instead of fixing it by going to counselling alone and with your husband. Marriage counselling is a must here. That is, if you want to save your marriage.

 

Your husband probably knows something is "off" between you two and I bet he sees the red flags, but is dismissing them because he loves you.

 

It's really too bad you chose to cheat when you were feeling confused a while ago.. Going to therapy back then would've prevented the situation you're in now.

 

The advice I have to for about the OM is - Break it off with him and fix your marriage. Or, end your marriage, get a divorce and then go pursue whomever you want. You cannot keep cheating, having your cake and eating it too.

[imagine]

Why are you still married?

[lkjh]

Let me get this straight you love your H but you continue to cheat on him and even give your H's money to one of the OM. Look you shouldn't be married, you are not only cheating on your H but your children as well.

[soulconfessions]

I am completely lost and confused and have been confused for quite some time now. I don't know what I want. The only thing I am sure of is that I am very unhappy with myself. I'm not unhappy only for the affairs that i've had but for the things I have not accomplished in my life. I'm not ahsamed to admit that I am afraid of the outcome of a divorce. maybe it will be the wrong decission in the end.

[imagine]

Does your husband know?

[Sks]

Your husband is a total sucker, his money goes to another man who his wife is f*cking.

 

I don't get how people can do this, honestly I don't.

 

Get a divorce considering you lost respect for your marriage, husband and kids long ago.

[Reggie]

A couple of things to consider. First, you are exposing your H to STD's. He needs to be tested asap.

Second, your H has the right to know so he can decide if he wants a divorce.

Third, you are spending time and money that should go to your family. What about the $$. The kids are missing out on those funds, maybe for college or something.

I think the thing that will make you feel best is the right thing:tell your husband that you are having and have had affairs. Then, he can take steps to protect his health and finances.

[lkjh]

I can't blame you for being unhappy with yourself you have done some very disgusting and nasty things! You not accomplishing things in your life is your fault simply as that. You can not blame you siblings for picking on you, or you H for marrying you young, or your dad for being protective. Also a lack of accomplishments is not cured by banging other men and disrespecting your family. Have some class and tell your H what you have done and accept what ever comes your way.

[Geishawhelk]

Soul, you need to break of rwelations with both your first lover and this one.

You need to go and see someone for counselling, and you need to tell your husband how unhappy you are.

I think if I may say so, due to your life experiences, you are also probably very emotionally immature. I don't mean that as an insult, but if you've led a 'sheltered life' you don't have the wherewithall to judge this situation in a clear and adult manner. I get the feeling you have no idea how devastating this would be to your H. You don't mention him at all, because I think you detached from him emotionally a long time ago, so frankly, he doesn't figure, only you do.

This is a classic 'childish' manifestation. Kids just don't see what's happening around them, they're just interested in what's happening TO them. I think you haven't developped from the 'child' you were with your sibling and father. The fact you lost your virginity to your husband on the day you met him, and have had no other partner until your first lover, is an indication that you seem emotionally stunted.

 

You need help.

Big time.

Whether this all comes out to your husband, and what it does to your marriage in the long run, is down to you.

But you MUST stop it with these two other guys, here and now, right away. Just cut off, pronto.

otherwise it's just going to get badder and badder.... amen....

[lkjh]

I disagree with posters who feel that you are to sheltered to understand what you are doing. The fact is you have been married 19 years, you have raised children and lived a complete adult life. Just because someone didn't go to clubs and party does not make them incapable of adult choices. Listing your background is just a ploy to push the blame onto others besides yourself. I don't believe that simply because someone didn't sleep around when they were younger or party makes them emotionally immature.

[Geishawhelk]

yeh, you may be right.... certainly giving excuses for current behaviour is a no-no in my book too...I'm just trying to cover all the bases...it's difficult on the back of just one post to see it all as clear as day....

[michelangelo]

Promiscuity and drinking as the hallmarks of life well lived?

 

Right.

[soulconfessions]

Soul, you need to break of rwelations with both your first lover and this one.

You need to go and see someone for counselling, and you need to tell your husband how unhappy you are.

I think if I may say so, due to your life experiences, you are also probably very emotionally immature. I don't mean that as an insult, but if you've led a 'sheltered life' you don't have the wherewithall to judge this situation in a clear and adult manner. I get the feeling you have no idea how devastating this would be to your H. You don't mention him at all, because I think you detached from him emotionally a long time ago, so frankly, he doesn't figure, only you do.

This is a classic 'childish' manifestation. Kids just don't see what's happening around them, they're just interested in what's happening TO them. I think you haven't developped from the 'child' you were with your sibling and father. The fact you lost your virginity to your husband on the day you met him, and have had no other partner until your first lover, is an indication that you seem emotionally stunted.

 

You need help.

Big time.

Whether this all comes out to your husband, and what it does to your marriage in the long run, is down to you.

But you MUST stop it with these two other guys, here and now, right away. Just cut off, pronto.

otherwise it's just going to get badder and badder.... amen....

 

You're not insulting me at all. you're right I do need to discontinue my relationship with my lover. I would not have posted my dirty laundry here if I didn't want to seek the help and advice of others. Taking your opinion into consideration, I do see where I lack maturity. It's time to seek counseling for my issues. I thank you for taking the time to reply.

[soulconfessions]

As far as everyones opinion on my kids and how I spend "MY" money, is just that.. Some i take with a grain of salt and others I take into heavy consideration on how I should handle my affairs but that doesn't mean that you're opinion of me is correct. All the nasty remarks I chop up as a direct reflection of who you really are.

[bish]

After 15 years into my marriage I started fantizing about what I missed out on as a young adult woman. i also started fanatasiziing about how it would feel to have intercourse with another man. As the fantasies got stronger I eventually met a wonderful MM online who treated me like I was the prettiest woman in the world.

 

A MM that is cheating on his wife. yah, thats a helluva guy.

 

And of course he is going to make you feel that way. Someone else can enter the picture that doesn't have to go through the daily trials of marriage/family with you, so it is new and exciting.

 

But marriage is not for the weak, the selfish, or the immature.

 

 

We started a relationship and I fell deeply in love with this man which lead to some drama between us because I let my emotions and jealousy get the best of me . Drama aside, we still had a lovely relationship that carried on for several years until circumstances prevented us from seeing each other again. We still talk to each other over the phone and our feelings for one another are mutual. given the opportunity we would see each other again. but at that time of our seperation the heartbreak I felt was unbearable.

 

so the question is, when are you going to divorce your husband?

 

 

I felt the only way to get over my heartache was to go out and meet another man which is what I did and is currently in a relationship with that other man.

 

Again, when are you going to divorce your husband and set him free?

 

 

 

The relationship I have with this man is a lot differnet from my previous relationship. He is single and very much into living life in the moment. Unfortunately after 3 years i have developed feelings for this man. I can't say that i am in love with this man however I do care for him very deeply. the problem is my thoughts are consumed by him. Our feeling are not mutual. He always states that he cares for me and if anything ever happend to me he would be devastated. I guess I can understand that since i am a married woman and it's unfair to expect another man to love me under my circumstances. Our relationship isn't strictly about sex. my lover recently lost his job and now he needs me more than occasional sex. I help him financially when I can

 

So let me get this straight, not only are you betraying the father of your children, you are taking money away from them to help this guy?? I hope your husband starts questioning where the money is going.

 

 

 

and emotionally and now that he's no longer working we see and talk to each other more often. My question is how could he expect me not to have feelings for him now that we are spending more time together and how do I put my jealousy for other women behind me?

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How could he expect you not to have feelings for him??

 

The question you should be asking is, why do I care so little for my husband to keep cheating on him rather than doing the right thing and getting a divorce.

 

Your husband doesn't deserve this. So are you just going to keep him in the dark and keep cheating on him and giving away the family money to this other "man"??

 

I also notice you make no mention of your husband in all of this. All you care to talk about is this other man that isn't bothered by sleeping with a married woman.

 

Where is the concern for your husband in all of this???

 

I truly feel sorry for all the victims of people like this. Thats why I always advise divorce because these people who are betrayed like this don't need this in their lives and a better life awaits them.

 

Do the right thing and get a divorce so your husband can be free to find someone decent that will care about him and not screw him over in this way.

[bish]

I am completely lost and confused and have been confused for quite some time now. I don't know what I want.

 

That whole "lost and confused" line by anyone that uses it is a load of bunk.

 

You know what you want......other men. You just don't want to ruin your comfortable life with your kids in an intact home.

 

 

The only thing I am sure of is that I am very unhappy with myself. I'm not unhappy only for the affairs that i've had but for the things I have not accomplished in my life. I'm not ahsamed to admit that I am afraid of the outcome of a divorce. maybe it will be the wrong decission in the end.

[bish]

As far as everyones opinion on my kids and how I spend "MY" money, is just that.. Some i take with a grain of salt and others I take into heavy consideration on how I should handle my affairs but that doesn't mean that you're opinion of me is correct. All the nasty remarks I chop up as a direct reflection of who you really are.

 

And your cheating, inconsideration given to your husband who isn't so much as worth a mention by you in this thread, and giving money to your lover I chop up as a direct reflection of who you really are.

[soulconfessions]

A MM that is cheating on his wife. yah, thats a helluva guy.

 

And of course he is going to make you feel that way. Someone else can enter the picture that doesn't have to go through the daily trials of marriage/family with you, so it is new and exciting.

 

But marriage is not for the weak, the selfish, or the immature.

 

 

 

 

so the question is, when are you going to divorce your husband?

 

 

 

 

Again, when are you going to divorce your husband and set him free?

 

 

 

 

 

So let me get this straight, not only are you betraying the father of your children, you are taking money away from them to help this guy?? I hope your husband starts questioning where the money is going.

 

 

 

 

 

How could he expect you not to have feelings for him??

 

The question you should be asking is, why do I care so little for my husband to keep cheating on him rather than doing the right thing and getting a divorce.

 

Your husband doesn't deserve this. So are you just going to keep him in the dark and keep cheating on him and giving away the family money to this other "man"??

 

I also notice you make no mention of your husband in all of this. All you care to talk about is this other man that isn't bothered by sleeping with a married woman.

 

Where is the concern for your husband in all of this???

 

I truly feel sorry for all the victims of people like this. Thats why I always advise divorce because these people who are betrayed like this don't need this in their lives and a better life awaits them.

 

Do the right thing and get a divorce so your husband can be free to find someone decent that will care about him and not screw him over in this way.

 

Just a lil bish.. thank you for taking the time to reply with your opinion.. to answer your question as to why there is little mention to my husband is becuase i do care for him.. whether you or anyone else believes it or not it really doesn't matter to me. I mean there is a lot to our story that i left out. so I understand why i am getting such a nasty response from others. i don't expect anyone to agree to what I have done but i don't accept anyone crtisizing me when you yourself have faults and weakneses.. I certainly hope you and others live in a brick house. be it as it may, like i said your opinion is just what it is..

[soulconfessions]

That whole "lost and confused" line by anyone that uses it is a load of bunk.

 

You know what you want......other men. You just don't want to ruin your comfortable life with your kids in an intact home.

 

Considering my life as comfortable is news to me. Do you know me personally or am I a reflection of you?

[bish]

Just a lil bish.. thank you for taking the time to reply with your opinion.. to answer your question as to why there is little mention to my husband is becuase i do care for him..

 

No, you didn't mention him because he isn't worthy of mention by you.

 

All you care about is this OM. So why not do right by him and get a divorce?

 

Or do you plan to keep him in the dark?

 

 

whether you or anyone else believes it or not it really doesn't matter to me.

 

then why bother responding?

 

 

 

I mean there is a lot to our story that i left out. so I understand why i am getting such a nasty response from others. i don't expect anyone to agree to what I have done but i don't accept anyone crtisizing me when you yourself have faults and weakneses..

 

Everyone has faults and weaknesses. the difference is, whose faults and weaknesses hurt other people?

 

On fault and weakness I do not have is I have never cheated on anyone, nor have I slept with anyone's spouse. On both accounts never have, never will.

 

 

I certainly hope you and others live in a brick house.

 

When it comes to cheating and sleeping with someone's spouse, my house is made of the highest quality brick you can find.

 

So what do you intend to do? Divorce? Or keep cheating and let him think he has a decent wife?

 

Oh wait, you don't want to talk about that do you? You just want to talk about the OM.

[bish]

Considering my life as comfortable is news to me. Do you know me personally or am I a reflection of you?

 

Well you said that the thought of divorce scares you....so what is it about divorce that scares you if you aren't scared of uprooting your children's lives?

 

You said there is more to your story. Lemme guess....its all his fault...his is a neglectful bastard right?

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I have just a few comments:

First, how would you feel if your husband was doing to you behind your back and putting your health at risk for STD's what you have been doing to him?

 

Second, what do you thing the reaction of your husband will be if and when he finds out about your sexual affairs for the past at least three years?

 

I know there is more to the story of your relationship with your husband. I am just curious as to how you have been able to have these intense sexual relationships without your husband having a clue. Is he just clueless or is it down deep he just does not care what you do so he no longer pays attention to you and your activities?

[Bryanp]

Sorry I meant to ask do you still have an intimate sexual and emotional relationship with your husband?

[soulconfessions]

No, you didn't mention him because he isn't worthy of mention by you.

 

All you care about is this OM. So why not do right by him and get a divorce?

 

Or do you plan to keep him in the dark?

 

 

 

 

then why bother responding?

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone has faults and weaknesses. the difference is, whose faults and weaknesses hurt other people?

 

On fault and weakness I do not have is I have never cheated on anyone, nor have I slept with anyone's spouse. On both accounts never have, never will.

 

 

 

 

When it comes to cheating and sleeping with someone's spouse, my house is made of the highest quality brick you can find.

 

So what do you intend to do? Divorce? Or keep cheating and let him think he has a decent wife?

 

Oh wait, you don't want to talk about that do you? You just want to talk about the OM.

 

 

As a human being you can never say what you will never do anyway I was like you once I got lost.. Angry and judgmental of men and women who cheated on their spouse or loved one and then I realized I was human and as a human being we all make mistakes which i have made plenty. The question is am I ready to handle my mistakes? The first step I made was a wonderful step and that was admiting to it by airing my dirty laundry on a message board of judgmental stranger with no skeletons in their closets..

 

Now to answer your question yes i do some day divorce my husband, i've even sat down and talked to him about how unhappy i am. I know now from our talks that a divorce would hurt him more than my affair so I put his happiness before mine.