gummybear Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I think I have commitment issues. My relationship with my last bf was offical for only 2 days then I cracked. Before that, it was offical with this guy for 2 weeks then it cracked. However, I have no regrets though. It's as if my brain has somehow convinced my mind that these 2 guys are not right for me. When we're just dating unofficially, it's all fun. But the moment, we are official, I think 'gosh, i dont think he's the one' and I want to get out. But in hindsight, I feel like I did the right thing. But I'm thinking if it really was right or was it just that my mind is severly affected by commitment phobia to the point where I think I'm right even when I'm not.
Geishawhelk Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I hate to go down a beaten track here, but - have you tried counselling? Maybe you're highly perceptive, and they weren't right for you... could be, I guess.... But when did this all start? from the first guy you met? Or did something happen along the way.....?
serialgf Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I think I have commitment issues. My relationship with my last bf was offical for only 2 days then I cracked. Before that, it was offical with this guy for 2 weeks then it cracked. However, I have no regrets though. It's as if my brain has somehow convinced my mind that these 2 guys are not right for me. When we're just dating unofficially, it's all fun. But the moment, we are official, I think 'gosh, i dont think he's the one' and I want to get out. But in hindsight, I feel like I did the right thing. But I'm thinking if it really was right or was it just that my mind is severly affected by commitment phobia to the point where I think I'm right even when I'm not. what do you mean when you say you "crack"? i've never heard that expression. well, it sounds like you know what you want but maybe you're not making the decision fast enough. why do you think you become official with these guys? has it always been initiated by them? i think its good that you know what you want and you don't waste your time and you also seem to respect yourself a lot which is great. but at the same time you are saying that you have a fear of commitment... where is that coming from? were you traumatized by some horrible relationships? i think when you deal with that you will feel more secure about the decisions you are making i think we need more info...
amymarieca Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I can totally understand where you are coming from. I have commitment issues as well. The thought of being in a relationship makes me want to suffocate. I have met many nice guys, but as soon as they mention the word relationship, I am gone. My experiences over the last two weeks have made me realize why. I want to meet a guy who doesn't make me afraid of being in a relationship. I want to think he is so amazing that I have a strong desire to commit to him. I recently met this fabulous guy. I feel so connected to him. Since I have met him, the thought of being in a relationship isn't so scary. Maybe he is the right person for me, in terms of being my boyfriend. I assume the feelings of scariness are due to the fact that maybe you just haven't met someone you really like. Maybe you are just like me and refuse to settle? Maybe you just need to meet someone who is so awesome that you really do want to commit? If you have had your heart broken many times, then I can see why you would be more hesistant to have a relationship. You are more choosy and I don't see anything wrong with that. I personally would rather die alone than spend one day with someone who doesn't treat me right.
Author gummybear Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 I can totally understand where you are coming from. I have commitment issues as well. The thought of being in a relationship makes me want to suffocate. I have met many nice guys, but as soon as they mention the word relationship, I am gone. My experiences over the last two weeks have made me realize why. I want to meet a guy who doesn't make me afraid of being in a relationship. I want to think he is so amazing that I have a strong desire to commit to him. I recently met this fabulous guy. I feel so connected to him. Since I have met him, the thought of being in a relationship isn't so scary. Maybe he is the right person for me, in terms of being my boyfriend. I assume the feelings of scariness are due to the fact that maybe you just haven't met someone you really like. Maybe you are just like me and refuse to settle? Maybe you just need to meet someone who is so awesome that you really do want to commit? If you have had your heart broken many times, then I can see why you would be more hesistant to have a relationship. You are more choosy and I don't see anything wrong with that. I personally would rather die alone than spend one day with someone who doesn't treat me right. OMG you read my mind! haha. Yea I think I do fear getting hurt, and with my last 2 bfs I thought 'he's not worth the risk of getting hurt' again and so I feel like I want to choose someone worth it and someone who I think I will have a good chance of it working out with. I know that with my sister, her first 3 bfs were also very short -- all no more than 3 months. But then after that she got a bf that lasted for 3 years (it didn't work out mainly because he had to move back to his old country to care for his father but he always treated her well and she broke it off because she didnt want to move to a foreign country). She was then single for 2 years but then finally found a bf that she's been dating for 2 years who treats her really well. I hope perhaps I'm the same way as her. She said for her first few short term bfs that she ended them because she knew they were not for her and she didn't want to waste time with them. She also said that with more dating experience, she knew more and more what she wanted in an LTR and always encourages me to be patient and not settle for less. I hope she is right for I dont want to be alone for all my life LOL
amymarieca Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 OMG you read my mind! haha. Yea I think I do fear getting hurt, and with my last 2 bfs I thought 'he's not worth the risk of getting hurt' again and so I feel like I want to choose someone worth it and someone who I think I will have a good chance of it working out with. I know that with my sister, her first 3 bfs were also very short -- all no more than 3 months. But then after that she got a bf that lasted for 3 years (it didn't work out mainly because he had to move back to his old country to care for his father but he always treated her well and she broke it off because she didnt want to move to a foreign country). She was then single for 2 years but then finally found a bf that she's been dating for 2 years who treats her really well. I hope perhaps I'm the same way as her. She said for her first few short term bfs that she ended them because she knew they were not for her and she didn't want to waste time with them. She also said that with more dating experience, she knew more and more what she wanted in an LTR and always encourages me to be patient and not settle for less. I hope she is right for I dont want to be alone for all my life LOL Well I am glad I read your mind! I really doubt that you are commitment phobic, just phobic about getting into another bad relationship. Who wouldn't be? You are obviously experienced enough in dating to learn what you want and to not jump in to a relationship. So many people make that mistake. Don't worry, you will get your happy ending!
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Yes, because I'm a shallow hal and there's too many damn women to shag.
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