Should I tell MM how I've been feeling?

[KismetGirl]

Ok, I hate to preface posts, but this IS the OM/OW forum, which means we are supposed to come here with support in dealing with our A's no matter if we are ready to end our A's, or just need support at the moment, so , with that said:

 

I'm in an A. I'm sure many of you have read my other post where I described the situation. In brief, Im 25, he's 33, we used to work together, he's got three small kids and a new house, limited finances, alot of stress, a W who's a SAHM who doesn't know about us. She found a couple of small clues early in our A, but has not suspected anything in over 2 years. It started off more as an EA the first year or two, with some intermittent fooling around, but no sex. Had NC for a year after his second child was born (when I met him, he had one kid). Started to make contact again early this year and have been sleeping together pretty steadily ever since then. Usually see him once a week, maybe twice on a good week, for an hour or two. Now he's got three kids, working two jobs, time's a bit limited between his schedule and my crazy work and school schedule that often has me out of the house 15 hours a day.

 

I know this can't go anywhere, please believe me, but Im just not ready to end this A quite yet, and the fact that I keep all my feelings inside about him and the A kind of kills me sometimes more than the fact that I have to think about him going home to his W after seeing me does sometimes. I don't know how to address this with him or if I even should bother.

 

We never discuss "emotional" topics. The very few times I've tried, I think he's misunderstood where I'm coming from and thinks I'm just upset he doesn't spend more time with me, and generally explains that even though he loves to be with me, sometimes the guilt is so bad he just can't see me on certain days. He's said that even just hanging out with me at a baseball game or at a bar like we used to go do makes him feel massively conflicted because he knows he's lying to his family about who he is hanging out with. Despite what many people will think of him because he is cheating on his wife, he is not a bad person, he does have guilt, but guilt alone is not enough to make a person change everything sometimes.

 

I've never told him I love him, etc. the most I've done is say that I care for him greatly. He is VERY bad in discussing emotional aspects of anything, as I suppose many men are. I mean, when I say bad, I mean while I know he HAS emotions, when it comes to actually verbalizing them he's just incapable. Now just with me, he's like this with anything that elicits emotion from him. When his best friend was in the hospital, I know it was bothering him alot but instead of talking about it like normal people would, he randomly mentions it and makes a joke instead, when I know on the inside it really botheres him. When I've asked him once or twice how he feels about me, I get mildly uncomfortable, like Im not sure HOW to ask, and suspect I am asking in a semi-joking manner, because he either tells me I shouldn't ask questions I already know the answer to, or that what's the point in talking about those things if we can't do anything about them. This can be taken in either of two ways, as far as I can see: either he does care about me and it hurts to talk about something that we really can't do much about, or he doesn't care about me and after four years it's become just a sex thing. Considering the sex thing didn't come into play until 8 months ago, i assume he must care for me on some level to keep seeing me and risking his W finding out even though all we used to do is talk and maybe kiss and fool around a little bit.

 

Its just that, as time goes, I think he's gotten very comfortable in the way things are. It's partially my fault for being too accomodating all the time and never expressing to him seriously how it botheres me that he doesn't put effort into seeing me more often, or how even though nothing can come of it, I would still like to just hear it from him how he feels about me because , let's face it, it may be painful to know I can't have him, but it still feels good to know that someone cares about you. The only selfless thing he's done for me this whole year was to show up on my door step the day before my birthday with two dozen roses and whisk me away to a surprise dinner and my favourite restaurant. I miss seeing him at a bar or a game, hanging out and talking and having a beer. I know he has three little kids now, as opposed to just the one he had when we first met, and that hsi time would be more constrained, but am I so wrong to think that, here I am, four years later in love with this man, sleeping with him pretty much whenever he wants it (because to be honest, i kind of want it all the time too), but that I want to actually SEE him out once in a blue moon? I don't expect him to come party with me every bloody week, but would it kill him to just do something to make me happy for once and just go have a drink with me just becausde it would make ME happy?

 

I guess after this long, drawn out post, my questions are, basically:

 

-should i bother telling him how I feel about him?

-should i try to get him to admit how he feels about me, one way or another (and by that, I mean, if its just about sex, fine, i'll still sleep with him, but I'll treat it more un-emotionally and try to dissattach myself as if he was just some guy I use for sex. I just want to KNOW one way or the other, instead of having to GUESS how he feels about me)

-If i should get him to tell me how he feels, HOW do i approach it without scaring him away and making him think i'm being a "needy woman" who just wants to hear it for my own esteem, when really it wont change my self esteem, I just want to KNOW instead of freaking guessing!

-finally, how can i make him understand that , if this isn't just a sex thing for him either, that I need him to make an effort once in a while to see me outside the bedroom like we used to? It really hurts me when i ask him to have lunch with me and he doesn't think that telling me he is tired hurts me.

 

Sorry.....having one of those days. I'm supposed to see him tomorrow after work and Im so mad at him right now but I know that as soon as he walks through the bloody door I'll lose all sense and maybe if I have some questions and statements to "arm" myself before hand, that I'll stay focused and address issues I need to address with him?

 

Thank you for the advice, if any. It's most appreciated.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

If you get such little time together, why ruin it by bringing up emotional stuff that he doesn't want to deal with. He's got plenty of that at home... three kids, a wife, 2 jobs, and a mortgage. I assume he steps out even though he's a little guilty to get away from the stress. Surely he doesn't want any more responsibility that he already has.

 

I'm afraid if you don't keep it light, you won't be quite the easy going fun that he's looking for.

[Billie63]

I agree with ifwishes.

It's plain to see that you bring light relief to his very stressful life and that this relationship is not about you, it's about him and his needs.

 

It would be better if you could face up to that and 'detach' yourself as you describe but it sounds like you're getting in too deep.

 

I know you like to think it's not about the sex because you only started sleeping together 8 months ago. But he had a wife to go to bed with so he wasn't exactly going without (especially as they've have two kids in very quick succession).

 

He loves his wife and he cares about you. That's the truth of the matter.

[noforgiveness]

I don't expect him to come party with me every bloody week, but would it kill him to just do something to make me happy for once and just go have a drink with me just becausde it would make ME happy?

 

 

Hate to say it but his job is to keep his wife and kids happy and yours is to keep him happy and pull him away from reality and real life worries for a while.

[Reggie]

I agree with the above. It sounds like he wants to be with his wife and kids for his emotional needs and you for some of his physical desires. I would not ask someone how he feels about me unless there was a good reason to inquire, like planning a longterm relationship. As he is married and has kids, his life is too busy to include you too much.

[KismetGirl]

Yeah....lately I'm inclined to agree with most of you. I suppose it confuses me as to why he stuck around so long to begin with when I WASN'T sleeping with him, but I guess maybe he's just become comfortable with this phase of things. He knows I'm too nice to go tell his wife or ruin him at work. I don't generally demand very much. I'm usually too busy myself to even get too upset with not seeing him that often (did I mention school and work 15 hours a day?).

 

I guess it's those days when I'm home at a reasonable hour and I realize I miss him a bit that I wish I had more say over when he comes over. The most I have right now is that I've said I except him to come over at least once a week, but I haven't really demanded any more than that, in part due to my own bad schedule.

 

Reggie- you're right. generally, I wouldn't ask or tell anyone about feelings towards each other unless I was trying to lead it somewhere, but this situation is confusing and different for me. I'm used to dating men who are single, obviously, and it's ok to ask for certain things, and if they are still around after a certain time I know it's because they like me. i Guess in this situation, because it's something that both cannot go forward, and at the same time I've developed such strong feelings, my brain's become a bit confused and has become curious to a fault about what he's thinking, no matter whether I'll like the answer or not.

I suppose my weird rationality is saying, how can someone "be" with you for almost four years and not care?

 

Maybe he does care, in some way. And honestly, in some weird way, I think he subconsciously resents me sometimes for bringing this confusion to his life, because he's never cheated before me, or since he met me with anyone else. Not that it was all my fault- he kissed ME first that fateful night four years ago- but I suppose I should have ended it then and I didn't. I thought i could handle it as a fling, and now here I am four years later semi-miserable and praying I find someone else before Im 30 to make me feel this way. Guess alot can happen in another four years....

[Ronni_W]

I agree with the others -- trying to turn this into something that is also about your emotional needs and fulfillment likely will hasten its demise.

 

How you've described it, you each have extreme time pressures in your separate lives. Based on that, your wish/request for non-sexual (emotions-based) time together seems unrealistic and unreasonable -- I can't quite make out if you already know that and are just expressing how you dream things would be, or if you haven't yet acknowledged to yourself the full extent of the severe limitations that his current life and your current schedule impose on your ability to have and/or enjoy a fuller relationship with him.

 

Sending hugs and good wishes.

[jj33]

Kismet I know its difficult but I would have to agree with the others. He obviously enjoys your company and cares for you but he is not looking for a future or an emotional relationship. This is an oasis from his life but its not his life. An A is not (in all but rare cases) intended to be the primary relationship in the MPs life.

 

But it is the primary emotional relationship in yours. So there is a mismatch in what you want. If he were single and you sensed that you didnt want the same thing you would end it. Its no different here. If you are not happy with what he wants (which is a little bit of companionship once and awhile for an hour or two) then think about whether this is something you want to continue. The fact that he feels guilty is not a good sign. Those are not the words of a man who is looking to change his life.

 

I know its difficult. Think hard about this. You have a good connection with this man but he cant offer you what you want.

[wildsoul]

Honestly, I don't understand how you can live with so little from a love relationship. What are your getting out of it? Are you seeing anyone else, or is he your only sexual/romantic partner?

 

It makes me sad when I see someone your age wasting time with a guy who isn't madly in love and telling you so. Why is it that so many woman are afraid to have any expectations at all, for fear of being judged "needy"? It's okay to want a relationship with strings.

 

Very few women can do the friends-with-benefits thing well. IMHO, most women who agree to that are secretly suffering in silence or desperately hoping it will turn into something more. Why are women so afraid to admit they want more than sex? Is this a self-esteem issue, or is it that we are trying to force ourselves into living a Cosmopolitan magazine lifestyle--even if that isn't aligned with what our heart's deeper desires?

 

Reading your posts makes me want to scoop you up into my arms like a little sister, look you straight in the eye, and scold you (gently) to stop selling yourself short. Your love is worth so much more!

[jj33]

Honestly, I don't understand how you can live with so little from a love relationship. What are your getting out of it? Are you seeing anyone else, or is he your only sexual/romantic partner?

 

It makes me sad when I see someone your age wasting time with a guy who isn't madly in love and telling you so. Why is it that so many woman are afraid to have any expectations at all, for fear of being judged "needy"? It's okay to want a relationship with strings.

 

Very few women can do the friends-with-benefits thing well. IMHO, most women who agree to that are secretly suffering in silence or desperately hoping it will turn into something more. Why are women so afraid to admit they want more than sex? Is this a self-esteem issue, or is it that we are trying to force ourselves into living a Cosmopolitan magazine lifestyle--even if that isn't aligned with what our heart's deeper desires?

 

Reading your posts makes me want to scoop you up into my arms like a little sister, look you straight in the eye, and scold you (gently) to stop selling yourself short. Your love is worth so much more!

 

Great post WS

[Reggie]

Kismet, I expect his wife would be asking the same thing if she found out. He really is not very honest.

[Billie63]

On another thread there was an OW in a similar situation to you. Like you she had a very long working day and a poster pointed out to her that the relationship actually worked well for her because she really did not have the time to commit to a full time relationship. The OP agreed.

 

I get something similar from you - interesting also that you say you tend to yearn for him when the working day is over and you've got some free time on your hands.

 

Can you really call this love? Try and see it for what it is - maybe a bit of boredom when you're on your own maybe and have no work to distract you?

 

Morally I can't agree with what you're doing but I know that you won't finish this A until you are ready so maybe stop worrying about what he doesn't give you and enjoy what you do get in a very busy demanding lifestyle.

 

Just make sure you keep yourself available for a social life outside work and him - that keeps your options open when it comes to meeting single men.

[GPFan]

I agree with the others. Even though he cares about you, this relationship is about getting away from the daily grind not getting into another grind.

 

If you can keep it light, do so; if you can't, you may consider ending this for your benefit.

[blueberry]

If you get such little time together, why ruin it by bringing up emotional stuff that he doesn't want to deal with. He's got plenty of that at home... three kids, a wife, 2 jobs, and a mortgage. I assume he steps out even though he's a little guilty to get away from the stress. Surely he doesn't want any more responsibility that he already has.

 

I'm afraid if you don't keep it light, you won't be quite the easy going fun that he's looking for.

 

IfWishesWereHorse... (i'd be on my fetlocks)

 

I absolutely agree.

 

This guy is getting the light hearted fun that he doesn't otherwise get in a crazy, busy life. He is young to be 33 with 3 kids!

 

You are the doppleganger.

 

Is that a bad thing? only you can decide. If you chose to verbalise that, then you are detracting from his vision of what *you* are to him - and as a result, will be putting what you have with him in jeopardy.

 

Doesn't sound like he wants anything other than light-hearted relief.

 

You happy to live with that?

[jj33]

Kismet I had the same misunderstanding when I was in the A. It was much different because we spent a lot of time together staying at each others houses etc. But it was when we were both able to be free on the same evenings. Occassionally we had lunch.

 

Because some aspects of our relatoinship were so normal, I expected him to act like a boyfriend and that wasnt his role. It was an affair. It was supplemental to his marriage. It was not his primary relationship.

 

And it was never going to be. And I fear you are in the same situation. There is an old saying never teach a pig to sing, you annoy the pig and you waste your time.

 

Not saying MM is a pig (tho others may differ on that one) but just as pigs arent meant to sing, MM is not meant to be your boyfriend. And he is not free to have lunch etc etc. He may have been before when you were friends but not now. Its morphed into something totally different.

 

And as WS said there is nothing wrong with wanting more. It is not needy it is normal. You just cant get that from MM anymore than you can teach a pig to sing.

 

So if you want to tell him you need more and thats why you are ending it, thats one thing. But to ask him thinking he will say yes will only set you up for disappointment.

 

Maybe you feel you need to hear it from him. If you do then that is what you need to do.

 

Hang in there. It is tough to accept that someone doesnt want what we want. But the information is valueable. It allows you to move forward.

[stillafool]

Be thankful he doesn't tell you lies. Some OW come here and ask "why did he say he loves me and now won't see me?" At least yours isn't leading you down a liars path. Someone was right in saying what little time he spends with you he doesn't want to talk about that stuff and truthfully neither should you.

[blueberry]

But to ask him thinking he will say yes will only set you up for disappointment.

.

 

 

20/20 vision

[sdc]

Like so many who have replied, my feelings on reading your posts , Oh how I want to put a strong supportive shield around you, where thoughts and feelings about this man can't come in at all for a while. So that you can then have the space, time and 100% committment to yourself to start to get your own perspective on this, for what YOU truly really want in your life.

 

Here is a practical suggestion, it might not work but then ask yourself "is anything you have tried or are trying at the moment working?"

 

Can you try to find just 1 hour.

 

Get a cardboard box and place it outside the room you are in.

before you enter the room, ( mentally )put all thoughts of this man, in the box.

 

Go into the room and shut the door .

For now, that man is outside the door. If later you want to go back and pick up with him again, you can, he's still there ,it's all exactly the same as it was before but for now, he and the relationship are outside!

 

Get a big piece of paper

 

Draw a picture of a male and a female

 

Then just start writing / drawing anything and everything that starts to come to mind about what a TRULY, TOTALLY , LOVING, FULFILLING, EXCITING, PASSIONALTE , HONEST, OPEN relationship would look like and feel like between this man and this woman. Write what you would expect this couple to be able to do, where they would go, freely and together with pride and joy.

 

I am willing to bet that your true Ideal of what you want in a relationship will bear little or no resemblance at all to what you are currently involved in.

 

There could very well be some similarity , particularly on the exciting,passion side of your true needs. But without all the other aspects being a near exact match, you will never ever feel happy in this current relationship. And this is the only reality you really have to face up to.

 

You can, do and will spend hours and hours and hours agonising and struggling with thougths about how you can "MAKE" this relationship tick all the boxes. But it simply is not ever going to tick all the boxes.

 

OR, you can slowly but purposefully, over time, turn your thoughts back to YOU!

 

The wonderful and best part is that, once you find " the one" (AND YOU WILL!).. when ever anyone should ask you about your relationship with that person.... you will find that there is nothing more that you feel you need to say other than " WE LOVE EACHOTHER!".

You both will JUST know it wholeheartedly.

 

Just ask yourself, won't that feel so much better than what you are currently putting yourself through? Once your heart is starting to say more loudly back to you YES!! that's what I want and I am not settling for less, the appeal of this relationship will start to subside.

 

It is a painful truth... but,, as others have said.

This man cares about you BUT DOES NOT LOVE YOU in the way that you want and deserve to be loved.

 

I sincerely wish you all the very best. Keep posting because I guarantee that in your own time you will be able to move on and find true love and happiness.

[KismetGirl]

Honestly, I don't understand how you can live with so little from a love relationship. What are your getting out of it? Are you seeing anyone else, or is he your only sexual/romantic partner?

 

Very few women can do the friends-with-benefits thing well. IMHO, most women who agree to that are secretly suffering in silence or desperately hoping it will turn into something more. Why are women so afraid to admit they want more than sex? Is this a self-esteem issue, or is it that we are trying to force ourselves into living a Cosmopolitan magazine lifestyle--even if that isn't aligned with what our heart's deeper desires?

 

Reading your posts makes me want to scoop you up into my arms like a little sister, look you straight in the eye, and scold you (gently) to stop selling yourself short. Your love is worth so much more!

 

 

It's true....most people, or women, can't do the friends with benefits thing too well, myself included. I mean , I know the difference between someone I only want for sex, and someone I want for more, and with MM, it's obviously a case of wishing-for-more.; and strangely, I know it can't go anywhere and I still cling on. Probably because I haven't got anyone else right now to make me feel even a little bit like what he makes me feel like once in a while, and I feel lonely sometimes. All my friends in couples or getting married, and here I am, a reasonably attractive, intelligent, caring young woman with no prospects in sight and a dim success track in previous attempts. I had a long term boyfriend before, and most of the time I look back on that relationship thinking that I stayed in it more because I was so thrilled that someone was acting like I deserved to be treated for once in my life than me actually being in love with him. Sad, huh? I think sometimes people mistake my "free spirited" nature for a woman who doesn't want to settle down or has any romantic tendencies, and it's the opposite. Just because I'm easy going, and sensual, and don't want to settle for the first "comfortable" guy that comes along, somehow that makes me this crazy wild girl who doesn't want to settle down. My friends keep telling me I pick these relationships because Im avoiding comittment and it could be further from the truth. I can't help who I am attracted to, and I always end up hoping they're going to realize what they're missing and they never do until it's too late. I've never hooked up with a married guy before this MM, but I had a long-term "friends with benefits" thing with a guy that I was friends with for like 5 years. He had a girlfriend almost the whole time, different ones over the years, and I liked him so much and could never understand why he didn't think I was good enough to be the girlfriend. Now, after knowing him nearly 9 years, he's changed his tune and realizes what he was missing, but after nearly a decade, Im not the naive 17 year old I was when I met him and I don't want him anymore. It's like the story of my life: they either are unavailable, or don't realize what they have until it's too late and I don't want them anymore! I'm so tired of this, and it doesnt help that I rarely meet new guys. My job isn't conducive to meeting people, Im the youngest person in my department (everyone is 20+ years older than me), and I work crazy hours so its not like I ever get to go do the "normal" happy hour thing or be sociable with people my own age. Then I have school and at the end of the day Im so tired....

[KismetGirl]

IfWishesWereHorse... (i'd be on my fetlocks)

 

I absolutely agree.

 

This guy is getting the light hearted fun that he doesn't otherwise get in a crazy, busy life. He is young to be 33 with 3 kids!

 

You are the doppleganger.

 

Is that a bad thing? only you can decide. If you chose to verbalise that, then you are detracting from his vision of what *you* are to him - and as a result, will be putting what you have with him in jeopardy.

 

Doesn't sound like he wants anything other than light-hearted relief.

 

You happy to live with that?

 

Yeah, it is a bad thing, cause it isn't what I want. I'm just at a low, low point right now and hard to pull away. I'm tired all the time, Im depressed alll the time, and all I want is someone who I can come home to at the end of the day and call to come over and just hug me and tell me they give a sh*t. I have a great family, but as you get older some people need that relationship sort of companionship as well....familial love doesn't fill the hole I have right now.

[KismetGirl]

Kismet I had the same misunderstanding when I was in the A. It was much different because we spent a lot of time together staying at each others houses etc. But it was when we were both able to be free on the same evenings. Occassionally we had lunch.

 

Because some aspects of our relatoinship were so normal, I expected him to act like a boyfriend and that wasnt his role. It was an affair. It was supplemental to his marriage. It was not his primary relationship.

 

And it was never going to be. And I fear you are in the same situation. There is an old saying never teach a pig to sing, you annoy the pig and you waste your time.

 

Not saying MM is a pig (tho others may differ on that one) but just as pigs arent meant to sing, MM is not meant to be your boyfriend. And he is not free to have lunch etc etc. He may have been before when you were friends but not now. Its morphed into something totally different.

 

And as WS said there is nothing wrong with wanting more. It is not needy it is normal. You just cant get that from MM anymore than you can teach a pig to sing.

 

So if you want to tell him you need more and thats why you are ending it, thats one thing. But to ask him thinking he will say yes will only set you up for disappointment.

 

Maybe you feel you need to hear it from him. If you do then that is what you need to do.

 

Hang in there. It is tough to accept that someone doesnt want what we want. But the information is valueable. It allows you to move forward.

 

 

I guess in some ways I just want to know that, even if it can't go anywhere, that he did care about me. Maybe in my own head at the end of the day I can rationalize that MAYBE if he had been single, things would have been different, instead of thinking "well, here's just another guy who decided to use me for kicks".

[LucreziaBorgia]

I wouldn't bring up the heavy emotional stuff, and I especially wouldn't be talking about your emotional needs. From his POV (which I have been on in the past many times) the last thing you want from your OP is any sort of obligation. That takes all the fun and enjoyment right out of it, and besides - affairs are hard to maintain. Anything that makes it harder or even remotely obligational will simply end up being those things that will make him think that the affair is more trouble than its worth.

 

That said, it is ok to feel how you are feeling and in an ideal world you would be able to share these things and he would reciprocate in the way that you would like. Unfortunately, it isn't that way in an affair. You have a certain set of limits there, that when crossed chip away at the relationship and will eventually end it.

[KismetGirl]

Im not sure what to do anymore sometimes. How can such an intelligent and great person also be so freaking stupid? I know my good qualities and I still get almost embarressed reading the bollocks I write here sometimes- I sound like some pathetic sniveling girl who just can't accept that someone just doesn't give a crap about her. Because I guess I knew him before we were sleeping together, and how good he is to his family and wife (not counting the A thing, which frankly isn't affecting any of them because they don't know it even exists), and how much all his friends like him, and all the good and caring things he's always done for the disabled and mentally ill clients we used to work with that he still works with, and I can't imagine that this caring, nurturing, intelligent man could be so harsh as to just....well.....use me. But I guess maybe he is. And maybe I deserve it because I allow it.

 

He doesn't lie to me. he doesn't promise me false futures, of running away with me, nothing. I ask for nothing, so i get exactly that.

 

Maybe I should start acting like this doesn't mean anything to me. Normally, when I see him, i act very affectionate and etc, because generally he is physically very affectionate when he sees me, eg- playing with my hair, stroking my face, just hugging me really tight for ten minutes without speaking, but maybe I should start to be cold towards him and maybe he'll understand how I feel. Maybe when he comes over today, instead of joking and laughing and kissing and being all la dee da like Im just ok with the fact that he'll be running out in 45 minutes, I'll mechanically tell him to drop his pants, f**k him, no cuddling afterwards, get up, get dressed, and tell him to have a nice day.

 

It would not be in my nature or character to act like this to him, and I never have before, so maybe he'll understand eventually. Maybe he'll break things off with me. maybe he'll just be confused and take it as it is. I don't even know, I guess it's an experiment worth trying. When i try to "verbalize" being a bitch, he thinks Im joking and doesn't take it seriously. Maybe if I act very cold towards him, he'll understand, because physically is the one area where he's able to ever express himself at all, so maybe that's what he'll understand from me. I can tell , by the way he makes love to me that day, if he's in a good mood or sad, if he's had a stress ful day or evening or if he's happy.

 

I guess I'll keep you all updated.....he should be by my place after work today, so we'll see.....

[stillafool]

Maybe he'll break things off with me. maybe he'll just be confused and take it as it is. I don't even know, I guess it's an experiment worth trying. When i try to "verbalize" being a bitch, he thinks Im joking and doesn't take it seriously. Maybe if I act very cold towards him, he'll understand, because physically is the one area where he's able to ever express himself at all, so maybe that's what he'll understand from me. I can tell , by the way he makes love to me that day, if he's in a good mood or sad, if he's had a stress ful day or evening or if he's happy

 

Why are you giving him all the control over your life? Make your own decisions.

[KismetGirl]

Why are you giving him all the control over your life? Make your own decisions.

 

 

I do make all my own decisions, usually, with everyone else anyway. With him I find myself embarrassingly weak. I admit it- it's my one little vice. Some people smoke, some gamble, some drink, some do drugs, what have you. Everyone's got some guilty pleasure. Otherwise they bury themselves in work, school, family.

 

Me? I hate my job, Im stressed the hell out by school, I barely have time to see friends or family, and here he is, my guilty little vice, so very very bad for me and yet I feel so very powerless to tell him to eff off. So, I guess in a small way, while it would crush me....maybe HIM telling me to end it would be best for both of us. I just suspect that he won't do it if I keep acting the way I am, so maybe if I act like a bit of a bitch he will. He get's very upset when I'm cold towards him at all, he tells me it isn't in my personality and what he can do to make it better, and then I end up forgiving him and acting all nice again. Maybe if i stay cold this time he'll just get fed up and leave me alone. I'll cry and I'll be upset but I'll have no choice but to not see him then.....