Author serialgf Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 You seem incredibly defensive about the advise you are being given which is to back-off and slow down. You keep justifying the fact that you because you have already slept with him, that it should be okay to keep sleeping with him but you are confused. The confusion will clarify itself if you have the strength to NOT continue sleeping with him and see if feeling continue to grow. That would be the wise and intelligent thing to do, especially since he apparently is as confused about his new status as you are with yours. really, i seem INCREDIBLY defensive? i have totally agreed that i need to back off, and i was furthermore asking for advice on how to back off, which touche is kindly helping me with as we speak so i don't see why you're saying that... and i never said that because i already slept with him its okay to keep sleeping with him... i don't even know where you got that from... i said we slept together the first night we hung out and it was a bit of a mistake and that we are NOT sleeping together now - we backtracked on the sex. i am doing exactly what you are saying... i am not sleeping with him and seeing if the feeling will continue to grow thanks for your advice
Touche Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 because i am at work, and he has the day off and said "call me when you get out of work to see about the movie...." i don't feel like i HAVE to call about the date... i can wait... if i don't call i'm guessing he'll call me eventually but i'll feel a little rude because i told him i would call... Ok, well since you agreed to call him, you should - this time. But be casual with him. Don't be all physical with him. Let him take the lead on that now. Can you do that? And don't bring up anything about when you're going to get together again. Let him bring it up.
Author serialgf Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Ok, well since you agreed to call him, you should - this time. But be casual with him. Don't be all physical with him. Let him take the lead on that now. Can you do that? And don't bring up anything about when you're going to get together again. Let him bring it up. okay that's going to take a lot of self-control but i think i can do that. i guess i've always just done what i wanted but hey i can change... i want to learn how to be cooler like less intense... thanks again for the wise words i will call him when i get out of work but then if he doesn't pick up i will leave a message and leave it at that... is that good? what should i say if i have to leave a message?
Touche Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 okay that's going to take a lot of self-control but i think i can do that. i guess i've always just done what i wanted but hey i can change... i want to learn how to be cooler like less intense... thanks again for the wise words i will call him when i get out of work but then if he doesn't pick up i will leave a message and leave it at that... is that good? what should i say if i have to leave a message? You can do this. I admire the fact that you want to change in this respect. As for the message. I'd say "Hey, (blank) just checking in with you like I said I would. I'm off work now. Call me if you still want to try to get together. Later, bye!"
Author serialgf Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 You can do this. I admire the fact that you want to change in this respect. As for the message. I'd say "Hey, (blank) just checking in with you like I said I would. I'm off work now. Call me if you still want to try to get together. Later, bye!" yeay! thanks for the advice i swear sometimes i feel like i have asperger syndrome or something... i literally need a script for life sometimes.... i totally understand now why some people on here post before making every move... i need to start doing that because with you guys on my side i can actually make some good decisions and thanks for the vote of confidence... this is one thing i would like to change about myself.. it can be offputting and i understand that
Touche Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 yeay! thanks for the advice i swear sometimes i feel like i have asperger syndrome or something... i literally need a script for life sometimes.... i totally understand now why some people on here post before making every move... i need to start doing that because with you guys on my side i can actually make some good decisions and thanks for the vote of confidence... this is one thing i would like to change about myself.. it can be offputting and i understand that You made me spit my juice out with the asperger comment! Hey, we all need some guidance in our lives sometimes. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes others can see things better than we can at the moment. I appreciate the thanks, but you know you can really do this. So just see where it goes and really try to relax about it. It's your only hope of seeing if he's really for you or not. Because like I said, I think the way you were going, you were on your way to pushing him away completely.
Author serialgf Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 thanks touche! i think you're totally spot on. you may have just single-handedly helped me save this seed of a relationship i will take your advice and let you know how it goes... and about the asperger's, i kid you not, i wrote down exactly what you said i should say on a post-it for later use.... yeay loveshack!
Touche Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 thanks touche! i think you're totally spot on. you may have just single-handedly helped me save this seed of a relationship i will take your advice and let you know how it goes... and about the asperger's, i kid you not, i wrote down exactly what you said i should say on a post-it for later use.... yeay loveshack! You're so funny. Don't read that post-it-note silly. Put it into your own words! Yes, please do update, ok? Oh and don't thank me...yet. Yikes. What if this turns out to be a disaster? Ok, I'm kidding. I appreciate your kind words. Good luck, ok?
Author serialgf Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 hehe okay but i am going to read the post-it and theres nothing you can do to stop me!
Touche Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 hehe okay but i am going to read the post-it and theres nothing you can do to stop me! Ok, then. If you're hell-bent on reading post-its with my words on them read him this one: "Hey (blank). Call me when you've got this other chick out of your system and we'll kick it again sometime." :laugh::lmao::p
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Shield your heart. This guy was in a 7 year (abusive) relationship. It hasn't been a year yet since they broke up. He may not be ready to settle down with one person - SO it seems, since he has mentioned he's confused and is sort of interested in someone else as well. he doesn't do them now but they have messed with him a lot... he did cocaine every day for like two years, has smoked crack, How do you know for sure he isn't doing that stuff anymore?
Author serialgf Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Ok, then. If you're hell-bent on reading post-its with my words on them read him this one: "Hey (blank). Call me when you've got this other chick out of your system and we'll kick it again sometime." :laugh::lmao::p word. ...........
Author serialgf Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Shield your heart. This guy was in a 7 year (abusive) relationship. It hasn't been a year yet since they broke up. He may not be ready to settle down with one person - SO it seems, since he has mentioned he's confused and is sort of interested in someone else as well. How do you know for sure he isn't doing that stuff anymore? thanks for your response wwiu... those are wise words of advice and you are right... he isn't ready to settle down right now and we are casually dating... and that's okay with me because i don't know how down to settle down i am either. about the drugs, i don't know for sure, i just have to trust what he says. and i guess to some degree i trust my perception of him because i've been around a lot of people who do coke regularly and he doesn't have any of the signs.. but i recognize that there is a possibility that he's still doing it... i don't know and i guess it matters not that much to me at this point.. i just want to have a good time and i do the occassional line so whatevs shield my heart - i will remember that... i do have a tendency to open myself up to quickly and too much so thanks for that advice!
Author serialgf Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 touche - well i guess he made the first contact because he just texted me to ask me if i'd like a ride home from work because its cold and raining here and i was going to walk the 2+ miles because he gave me a ride here this morning so i don't have my bike with me as i usually do so i guess we will just go from that to the date but touche please know that i am taking your advice to heart! i am going to let him take the lead on this one my best friend from high school just gave me some good advice too... she was telling me that he's playing the "friends before lovers" angle... i didn't even know that was an angle! but her advice was the faster i become his friend the faster i can be his lover... what do you guys think about that? she also seemed to think that him saying he likes this other girl is hogwash but i don't know about that... anyway things are looking somewhat up i will update soon!
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