candiix Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 My boyfriend and I were together for just over a year and were living together. The whole time he has had a problem with binge drinking and three or four day benders where he doesn’t come home, spends all his money and misses work. This wasn’t every weekend, but every so often he would have a big blowout. This last weekend I had had enough and packed up all his stuff and asked him to leave. His parents supported me on this – his dad even told me to do it – and say he needs tough love. The problem is, I feel like I am punishing myself. I miss him terribly and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We got on so well and live together completely fine. If he could conquer these occasions where he goes mad at the weekend there is no reason why we wouldn’t be together. Just before things went wrong we were seriously looking at buying a house together, and we have already talked about marriage and kids. I’m 30 and he’s 33 and we’ve known each other since we were teenagers. I spoke to him a couple of days after he picked up his stuff and we were fine with each other, I said I didn’t want him to hate me and that I was finding this hard. He said he would call me at the weekend. Well the weekend came and went and I haven’t heard from him. Last night I sent him a text saying “you don’t even miss me?” still no reply. Now I really want to call him and tell him I don’t want to lose him for good. I only wanted to shock him into thinking about how his behaviour affected me. Instead it seems to have backfired on me and in actual fact he’s fine with us splitting up. Could I suggest we start over slowly and see each other a couple of times a week and see if we can still make it work? What should I do? Have I messed things up or can I still save it, and if so how? I’m especially interested in hearing from guys and how they handle being dumped and whether him not contacting me means he is cool with it being over?
Geishawhelk Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I'm so sorry, but I think you did the right thing. This guy is damaged goods. He's on a rocky road, but unless he recognises it, acknowledges it, accepts it and actively decides to do something about it himself, because he wants to change for good, for himself - then there's no way that you going back and trying again, will change anything. He seems to be indicating that he feels better on his own, which for someone like him, is probably true. No guilt trips, no having to modify his behaviour.... No. Sorry. Stay away, and build your life again. Because this person is never going to change. Not for you, not for his dad, not for anybody. You get back together with him, just expect more of the same.
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