gd26 Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Hey all. Ok, I must confess... I'm nearly 27 years old, and have hardly ever dated anyone. Yes, I've had relationships with guys, but it never started out with dating... those were always friends into boyfriends (where the guy liked me from the beginning, got to know me as a friend, expressed his interest, and soon I started liking him too). So because my relationships always started as friends to crushes, I didn't get to learn much about dating. From my recent posts, you know that I was sad about a guy I liked who I had met online this summer... and got serious about him too fast, which didn't work out. So I was thinking it might be nice to meet people more casually from here on... Ok, so now my questions... is it necessary to be really interested if a man asks me out, or is it sufficient to be simply open to knowing him as a person? My thing is that I don't kiss men who are not my boyfriends, and I am still hoping to stay a virgin until marriage. (I am set on this, so please don't try to tell me I'm wrong for this, or try to convince me otherwise.) Soo.... if a guy flirts on me and asks me out, I don't know if there any expectations. I mean, he might seem like a great guy, and although I rarely ever have any sexual chemistry right off the bat with a man... I'd still be receptive to going out for dinner. (No, I'm not trying to get a free dinner-- I'd pay my half. Btw, I actually only let my boyfriends pay for my dinners as I like having them 'take care' of me now and then, but I wouldn't allow a random person to pay for me. So I wouldn't be 'using' the guy in any way.) So basically if a guy asks me out, and I am receptive enough to say 'yes' am I leading him on? I think it would be fun to chat with a new person, and he wouldn't have to pay for me... so I guess the company would be good for both of us, as I can be a great companion. It would also help me get experience and learn to communicate with guys better. But I'm not into the whole kissing/sex thing. Is it better to just say 'yes' and be receptive to having a fun time with the person... or is it better to just turn the person down assuming that they are looking for more? I'm just confused. I would love to go out, but I don't want to lead anyone on either.
Author gd26 Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 I guess what I'm afraid of is: going out with a man and having a fun time... him liking me romantically and wanting further dates (though being miffed about me not kissing him).... me having to tell him that I enjoy the company but am just trying to get to know people at this point.... and then him getting angry and saying "well, if you weren't attracted to me from the beginning, why did you agree to go out on a date with me in the first place?" This is what I am afraid of. That's why I don't know whether to agree to go out with someone or not. Although conversely, I'd be sad to hurt the person's feelings for turning him down, especially if he seems cool, as I am receptive to going out and meeting new people. So if he seems decent, I'd be willing to say 'yes' even though I don't have any strong pull towards him. A guy at the grocery store flirted with me today and introduced himself to me.... I smiled, told him 'nice to meet you' and quickly left, as I didn't want to put myself in the situation of being asked out, since I wouldn't have known how to handle the situation. That's why I am asking for people's advice for such future situations where I am asked out.
Green Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 You'd have to be very pretty to put up with this crudd. No sex till marriage... so will you only date guys who are also virgins waiting till marriage?
Author gd26 Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 You'd have to be very pretty to put up with this crudd. No sex till marriage... so will you only date guys who are also virgins waiting till marriage? I've been told many times I am good looking and have a pretty face. I used to be a good deal overweight, which gave me an excuse to avoid guys (even though I'd still get hit on then too). However, as I've been getting more and more physically in shape... I am also getting more attention from men as well. So I'm not sure how to handle it. I am a fairly confident person. I'm just confused about the best way to respond to men due to lack of experience with dating. I'd most definitely prefer a man who also happened to be a virgin. I've only had 2 relationships in my life (that lasted a few years), and both guys were virgins. The last guy I had a crush on this summer was my age and had been with 15 women (sexually) in his past... he wanted to be honest with me, and told me right off the bat. It was a bit of a sticking point, though I appreciated his honesty. And he was fine with no premarital sex. I REALLY liked him, but we stopped communication for other reasons... though who knows, maybe we'll be together again someday. He was the most gorgeous man I've ever met in my life. So I'm not totally closed to being with someone with 'experience' (as long as he's willing to wait until marriage) though a virgin would certainly be admired. It's not a religious thing, as I'm not Christian. It's just my personal values.
Isolde Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 To be honest, the kissing thing could be a huge problem. If you don't kiss the guy by the second date, he'll probably assume you don't like him.
Green Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I kinda get a weird vibe from you, but you seem like a kind person... I don't know I'm a man and have a hard time giving advice to women. If I were to give advice to a man who was dating you I would tell him to just go ahead and kiss you and that would get that over with and you'd have no more excuse for the no kissing thing and then I would have him figure how far you go like if you get naked and have him do that naked stuff and then just eventualy get you to have sex... cause I really wouldn't want to marry a woman I never had sex with
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