Hell is living with your EX, while he dates, comes home and sleeps in the same bed

[loneyBird]

I broke up with my boyfriend because he proved to me in so many words that he was uncommitted to me. He is young and has not had as many relationships as I have. So I couldn't figure out if his actions were because of his inexperience or because he genuinely didn't care. Four days later, I regretted dumping him because maybe after all he did care about me, he just didn't know how to express it because of lack of experience and that I shouldn't give up on him because he meant a lot to me. In the end all i really wanted was to make him happy, and his affection.

So...He refused to take me back, and then after a week he agreed that we would work things out and be back together again. The next morning he tells me that he's very sorry...but he wants to stay broken up.

Mind you....while all of this is going on....WE Are LIVING TOGETHER.

I'm starting to realize at this point that

A. if he loved me he would want to work things out.

B. I originally broke up with him to test his "love" for me....as manipulative as that might sound...I needed confirmation that I meant anything to him. At any rate he failed miserably...and showed me that indeed I was right, I meant NOTHING to him. For the last two weeks I have written letter after letter telling him how incredibly sorry I am for hurting him, that he means alot to me, and that I regret ever breaking up with him. All he could say after all my tears was...." when you broke up with me...I fell out of love with you."

 

But in reality....

Literally the minute I broke up with him....he went on OKcupid finding dates. He goes on dates practically everyday now, while I sit at home in agony.After meeting numerous young lasses with big breasts.... he will then come home from these dates and I will be crying hysterically, he will say things like "I don't have feelings for you anymore".... "My date was really nice! she made me enchiladas!" and the dreaded " I am really hurt that you don't want to be my friend"....

 

FRIEND?? How could I be his friend!!?? His version of "friend" is asking me what he should wear on his dates with other women.

 

I am hurt and angry that he doesn't think that there is anything of value to save with me...even though I would have literally done anything for him, and I was always working to make him happy, cleaning for him, dressing the way he wanted, changing my hair, my lifestyle and even cooking for him. It also hurts that he can so flamboyantly rub the fact that he is looking for someone "better" in my face day in and day out.

I know what I did originally was wrong, and can't feel that I am being punished...but when I asked him if he is "punishing me" he says..."no...I've just moved on with my life."

How can he just move on when he sees me crying everyday? We still sleep in the same bed....and I am still the same person he supposedly "fell in love with".

I am in pure agony. He is on a date right now...and I feel nauseous.

There is no way I can move out, he tried to tell me to leave....but I am on the lease and paying half the rent and there is no way I can pay for two apartments. Then he got angry with me when I told him I was staying and he said that he was afraid I would break his things because "I had no reason to care anymore". I would NEVER break his things....but for some reason I think it's just code for..."man I really wish you would leave so I could have a nice place to bring home my dates to...and you being here is really cramping my style. "

 

Can someone please tell me how I can move on in these conditions...I am willing to do anything.

[winter]

I am on the lease

 

Talk to your landlord about breaking the lease.

 

How many more months do you have on the lease? Is your year nearly up?

 

Call up the legal aid clinic where you live and get some free legal advice about what your rights are in this situation. Maybe there is a toll-free number where you live that you could call.

 

I think you need to move out ASAP for your own health and well-being.

[loneyBird]

I would love more than anything to just move out but... that will take me at least 2 months before I even can come up with the funds to break away from things free and clear.

 

I just need help coping in the here and now, for whatever time I am still here.

[Billie63]

He is doing all this to force you out of the flat.

 

I understand you are taking steps to move but until then, you have to have minimum contact with him.

 

Can you set up separate sleeping arrangements? Can you stay over a friend's a couple of nights a week?

 

Maybe organise a girls night in round yours to make him feel uncomfortable?

 

Do not do anything for him - ie wash clothes, cook etc.

 

Stop begging - it won't win him back. This relationship is over, he's a baby and you need a man.

[CandyGirlXO]

That would be horrible to have to see him dating so soon after the break up. But at least now you know you did the right thing.

 

I would definately stay with a friend, I don't know how you are doing it. And I would not sleep in the same bed as him.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I am hurt and angry that he doesn't think that there is anything of value to save with me...

 

If he didn't have some feelings about it, he'd be indifferent and would simply leave or ask you to leave. As it is, he is getting a sadistic kick out of hurting you, and worse yet he knows you aren't going anywhere so he can be as hurtful and outrageous as possible for as long as he likes. Does it mean that deep down he cares and is simply hiding it behind anger and hurt that might be motivating this?

 

You know what? It doesn't matter really. Any man who shows these kinds of colors isn't worth staying with.

 

I'd be doing some serious apartment hunting for something affordable, and then talking to the landlord about moving out. Perhaps you can quietly get your name taken off the lease and move out while the ex is on a date.

[alwayssme]

wow...i read ur post and maybe try showing him that u dont care and date other guys as well?