"I think we should be friends."

[anya85]

So about a week ago, my new boyfriend of 2 months and I had a talk. He thought we should "slow down" in the relationship, that he had thought we had moved too quickly and he said he wanted get to know me better and stop having sex, but he wanted to talk and hang out the same amount. I asked him when we had this discussion the first time if he wanted to take some time apart or to revert back to "just dating" from exclusitivity---he had said no to both of these. He wanted to remain exclusive...this talk was maybe a week ago. Well that lasted not even a week. It slowed to a halt on Saturday when he broke up with me.

 

It was a very odd break up. I went over to his house like we'd planned all week, he made dinner for us from scratch, we went to the movies--he paid for me even though I offered to pay mine, I took his hand during the movie and he held it. Then we walked back to his place, discussing the movie(the movie theater is right next door), again holding hands. So we get up to his place and there's an awkward silence. He looks at me with this strange look then he tells me he thinks we should just be friends. That he thinks we have so much in common, that I'm so great, blah blah, that he doesn't want me to leave, that maybe something will happen between us in the future after we know each other better, that he thinks we should hang out and watch tv and that he wants to hear what I think about it. But...I didn't want to do that. I wanted to bolt out of there, and I did. I guess that's how I take rejection, I disappear. I told him that sure, maybe we could hang out some time, but right now I felt I should leave. The look he gave me was sad, he looked sort of startled, but whatever, I went home.

 

For the past 3 months, we've talked every single day on AIM. Well, when I got home, I didn't log on. I went to bed actually. The next day, I didn't log on. I, in fact, was planning on not talking to him at all. And I felt ok with my plan. Then around 7pm, he calls me. I guess I was surprised and didn't expect a call. I answer. He wants to talk about random crap. The movie we saw the night before, a concert we'd said we were going to go too, but we'd missed it because we forgot and how it would have been cool. Nothing is spoken of us or the break up. I act...pretty well on the phone actually. I act cheerful and completely normal. He gets another call so we hang up. Then about an hour later, I log into an online game that we both play...within seconds he starts talking to me. This time, I act a little cold. My replies are few and far between, then after awhile I just log off and don't speak to him for the rest of the night. Today again, I haven't spoken to him. I've remained offline on AIM since Saturday so he can't contact me that way.

 

I know it wasn't a serious relationship, it was very short, but I do miss him. :/ I miss talking to him and I know he wants to talk to me...about friend things. I've actually written inspirational post it notes and stuck them to my laptop screen telling me that he just wants to be my friend and not to make a fool of myself and contact him. Maybe he'll decide whether or not he wants to continue anything with me seems he's seemed unsure for awhile. Maybe not, at least this way I can feel better and get over it. I'm not "heartbroken", I didn't love him, it was way too soon for that, but I had thought there was potential and I liked him as a person. This will be hard... advice? :/

[northstar1]

[sIZE=2]So about a week ago, my new boyfriend of 2 months and I had a talk. He thought we should "slow down" in the relationship, that he had thought we had moved too quickly and he said he wanted get to know me better and stop having sex, but he wanted to talk and hang out the same amount. I asked him when we had this discussion the first time if he wanted to take some time apart or to revert back to "just dating" from exclusitivity---he had said no to both of these. He wanted to remain exclusive...this talk was maybe a week ago. Well that lasted not even a week. It slowed to a halt on Saturday when he broke up with me.[/sIZE]

[sIZE=2] [/sIZE]

[sIZE=2]It was a very odd break up. I went over to his house like we'd planned all week, he made dinner for us from scratch, we went to the movies--he paid for me even though I offered to pay mine, I took his hand during the movie and he held it. Then we walked back to his place, discussing the movie(the movie theater is right next door), again holding hands. So we get up to his place and there's an awkward silence. He looks at me with this strange look then he tells me he thinks we should just be friends. That he thinks we have so much in common, that I'm so great, blah blah, that he doesn't want me to leave, that he wants to be friends and maybe something will happen between us in the future after we know each other better, that he thinks we should hang out and watch tv and that he wants to hear what I think about it. But...I didn't want to do that. I wanted to bolt out of there, and I did. I guess that's how I take rejection, I disappear. I told him that sure, maybe we could hang out some time, but right now I felt I should leave. The look he gave me was sad, he looked sort of startled, but whatever, I went home.[/sIZE]

[sIZE=2] [/sIZE]

[sIZE=2]For the past 3 months, we've talked every single day on AIM. Well, when I got home, I didn't log on. I went to bed actually. The next day, I didn't log on. I, in fact, was planning on not talking to him at all. And I felt ok with my plan. Then around 7pm, he calls me. I guess I was surprised and didn't expect a call. I answer. He wants to talk about random crap. The movie we saw the night before, a concert we'd said we were going to go too, but we'd missed it because we forgot and how it would have been cool. Nothing is spoken of us or the break up. I act...pretty well on the phone actually. I act cheerful and completely normal. He gets another call so we hang up. Then about an hour later, I log into an online game that we both play...within seconds he starts talking to me. This time, I act a little cold. My replies are few and far between, then after awhile I just log off and don't speak to him for the rest of the night. Today again, I haven't spoken to him. I've remained offline on AIM since Saturday so he can't contact me that way. [/sIZE]

[sIZE=2] [/sIZE]

[sIZE=2]I know it wasn't a serious relationship, it was very short, but I do miss him. :/ I miss talking to him and I know he wants to talk to me...about friend things. I've actually written inspirational post it notes and stuck them to my laptop screen telling me that he just wants to be my friend and not to make a fool of myself and contact him. lol This will be hard... advice? :/ [/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][/sIZE]

 

I'm sorry to hear you are going through it.

Right now he wants to be friends - and you clearly have feelings and want more. So the best choice for you is to get some distance from him. You may need to let him know that right now you can't just be friends with him and ask him for space.

[jerbear]

When one wants to be friends after a breakup, it is just a "soft" landing. Best to just let them be and move on.