Treading lone betw. cooperation and getting fired for sexually harrassing each other

[spookie]

I'm in love with my boss, and in an office where nearly all communication is done by email and everyone works by himself, he and I are spending an awful lot of time together. He's put me on a couple of projects he's on and when we're not going back and forth about the work relating to those, he's delegating minor tasks my way, so that either he's in my cubicle all day sitting next to me going over my work, I'm in his office, or we're on the phone.

 

Today we spent about 6 hours together.

 

I don't THINK I'm being flirtatious or inappropriate, and he IS my boss so I should do what he says and all these projects are his ideas, but since I'm so attracted to him, I'm constantly wondering whether I'm being skinny/witty/clever/funny/smart enough... which makes me paranoid that other people are noticing my attraction, or that he is, and that it's inappropriate.

 

It's like, if you take our actions out of context, they're perfectly innocent, but when you evaluate them against the facts that I ignore all my other coworkers all day, that the general culture is one of nonverbal communication, and that he has 4 other subordinates he barely interacts with, I'm afraid it's really obvious we like each other. (Or, at least, that I like him.)

 

What am I supposed to do? How do I behave, given that I want to date this guy after I switch departments?

 

More importantly, do you think he likes me?

[jerbear]

Hey Spookie,

 

I suggest changing departments before trying to get fired for sexual harassment. I would check with HR policy to make sure both of you don't get fired for harassment.

 

Right now, I would suggest controlling your attraction, loneliness, living like a monk, etc... keep that clingyness down a little till after you change departments.

 

It is quite natural to be attracted to someone of authority when young.

[Nemo]

going back and forth

Sounds like a plan. I hope he can keep it up.

[spookie]

Hey Spookie,

 

I suggest changing departments before trying to get fired for sexual harassment. I would check with HR policy to make sure both of you don't get fired for harassment.

 

Right now, I would suggest controlling your attraction, loneliness, living like a monk, etc... keep that clingyness down a little till after you change departments.

 

It is quite natural to be attracted to someone of authority when young.

 

Well, the thing is, I'm not really the one who's being clingy. He's the one who's at my desk as soon as I come in, who insists on checking up on me every half an hour, and who puts me on all the projects he's on and sends me invites to all the meetings he has to go to.

 

I'm fairly sure that the work he's assigning to me is atypical for my position, as well. That's good for me professionally though, probably, but it probably does nothing for my popularity with the other workers. I already get treated like a freak for being a girl; now I'm afraid people are thinking I'm flirting wiht him to get ahead.

 

I just don't know what to do. Act cold when he's being friendly and barely anyone else in the department talks to me?

[Nemo]

You won't be the first to get it on with their boss, and you certainly won't be the last. The sex should be explosive.

[spookie]

You won't be the first to get it on with their boss, and you certainly won't be the last. The sex should be explosive.

 

So how does one avoid a really humiliating shoot-down when attempting to sleep with her boss?

[jerbear]

I just don't know what to do. Act cold when he's being friendly and barely anyone else in the department talks to me?

Nope don't go cold and not friendly!

 

I would suggest taking the projects on! It is good to continue this and keeping things professional.

 

I would let him make the move if you are afraid of sexual harassment. If something were to happen, both of you could get fired for either quid pro or even hostile environment. I still suggest keeping it professional for now.

[Nemo]

So how does one avoid a really humiliating shoot-down when attempting to sleep with her boss?

He seems to be doing all the chasing. Let him make the first move.

[spookie]

Nope don't go cold and not friendly!

 

I would suggest taking the projects on! It is good to continue this and keeping things professional.

 

I would let him make the move if you are afraid of sexual harassment. If something were to happen, both of you could get fired for either quid pro or even hostile environment. I still suggest keeping it professional for now.

 

He's accomplished a lot professionally for 27-28, so I doubt he's stupid enough to pursue this. Probably even if I WERE in a different department, which is depressing.

[BlueEyedGirl]

He can't really make a move. It's much more likely for spookie to sue him for sexual harrasment given that she is female and works under him than the other way around. If anyone is to make a move it has to be spookie.

 

It is almost counter-intuitive of him to involve you in so many projects that he is supervising if he plans to sleep with you.

[sb129]

I would forget the whole thing and try to be as professional as possible. CAn't you find someone you DON"T work with to be attracted to?

 

Sh*tting in your own nest when your career has barely begun may have detrimental effects on it in the future....

 

This advice sounds familiar- oh thats right I have given it to you before.

 

Must drama perfuse EVERY aspect of your life Spookie?

[spookie]

He can't really make a move. It's much more likely for spookie to sue him for sexual harrasment given that she is female and works under him than the other way around. If anyone is to make a move it has to be spookie.

 

It is almost counter-intuitive of him to involve you in so many projects that he is supervising if he plans to sleep with you.

 

Hm, I never thought about it that way. I just assumed he was doing what I'd be doing if I were interested in someone: trying to spend as much time with them as possible. Good point, though.

 

I REALLY don't think he'd make any kind of move while I was working under him. As I said, probably not even if I wasn't, as long as I was with the company. Not only would that be incredibly stupid, but he doens't strike me as that kind of guy.

[spookie]

I would forget the whole thing and try to be as professional as possible. CAn't you find someone you DON"T work with to be attracted to?

 

Sh*tting in your own nest when your career has barely begun may have detrimental effects on it in the future....

 

This advice sounds familiar- oh thats right I have given it to you before.

 

Must drama perfuse EVERY aspect of your life Spookie?

 

Heh. Is that what this is all about, do you think? My need for drama?

 

You might be right...

 

However, I want to know how to behave so no one catches on that I like him, not whether or not to act on it. I know no one here is going to tell me to act on it.

[sb129]

Or- heres a thought- maybe he is just doing his job and is aware that you are a newbie and is offering you professional support.

[spookie]

Or- heres a thought- maybe he is just doing his job and is aware that you are a newbie and is offering you professional support.

 

Yah. There's a high probability this is the case.

[sb129]

I don't think you NEED drama, but it seems to follow you everywhere you go, and you certainly don't discourage it.

 

Keeping ones personal and professional lives separate is a wise idea if you attract so much drama....

[Nemo]

Next time you want to show your appreciation, give him a gentle pat on the butt. Not only will he welcome it, but you'll be wanting to know how firm the buns are before you really invest.

[RecordProducer]

I can't see how what you describe could be labeled as sexual harassment.

 

It sounds like your interaction is not even in the friendly category, but merely professional. I think your co-workers might be more concerned about you getting the promotion they hope for than about your emotional games.

 

I've never heard of such a term as "sexually harassing one another." That's called two parties consenting to have sex. And you're the only one who could sue him for harassment (or he you).

 

It's not clear from your post whether he really needs your cooperation that frequently or if he is using every opportunity to be close to you.

[Nemo]

I can't see how what you describe could be labeled as sexual harassment.

Agreed. It sounds as if you both want it pretty bad, and consensual hot monkey sex is not harassment.

[spookie]

I can't see how what you describe could be labeled as sexual harassment.

 

It sounds like your interaction is not even in the friendly category, but merely professional. I think your co-workers might be more concerned about you getting the promotion they hope for than about your emotional games.

 

I've never heard of such a term as "sexually harassing one another." That's called two parties consenting to have sex. And you're the only one who could sue him for harassment (or he you).

 

It's not clear from your post whether he really needs your cooperation that frequently or if he is using every opportunity to be close to you.

 

Fair enough, you are right. I just know it's against company policy for us to get involved and I'm wondering if all our interaction is raising some eyebrows, or if mine are the only ones raised because I am already looking at everything from an emotional perspective, since I like him.

[Nemo]

Hopefully other people have better things to do with their time than gossip. But, hey, like that's realistic in today's corporate environment.

[Ariadne]

How do I behave, given that I want to date this guy after I switch departments? More importantly, do you think he likes me?

 

Oh, whatever it is you are doing seems to work every time.

 

I think his interest has increased. He is almost like your new office bf.

[RecordProducer]

Fair enough, you are right. I just know it's against company policy for us to get involved and I'm wondering if all our interaction is raising some eyebrows, or if mine are the only ones raised because I am already looking at everything from an emotional perspective, since I like him.

Since it's against company policy to get involved, be sure that people keep an eye on each other, but for as long as nothing is happening between the two of you, you're fine. If something happens outside the office, keep it there. And don't EVER tell anyone about it until you've moved to the new department, and even then be discreet.

 

Also, let HIM make the first move; don't suggest anything, don't flirt openly. A little sparkle in your eye will give him enough green light, but keep you in the same position. Men don't like women who chase after them, no matter how much they claim that they love women who approach them first. They like the approach, but they don't appreciate the women as much. They see them as easy prey, a free ride.

 

Are you sure your boss is not married or involved? Unfortunately, the best men usually are. How old is he approximately?

[Nemo]

Since it's against company policy to get involved, be sure that people keep an eye on each other, but for as long as nothing is happening between the two of you, you're fine. If something happens outside the office, keep it there. And don't EVER tell anyone about it until you've moved to the new department, and even then be discreet.

 

Also, let HIM make the first move; don't suggest anything, don't flirt openly. A little sparkle in your eye will give him enough green light, but keep you in the same position. Men don't like women who chase after them, no matter how much they claim that they love women who approach them first. They like the approach, but they don't appreciate the women as much. They see them as easy prey, a free ride.

Superb advice.

[RecordProducer]

Superb advice.

Which part about the men's hunting instincts? Thanks anyway.