XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I am in an odd situation. I am not going to do anything about it, so to speak. Please do not "yell" at me for this as I know it is going to sound horrible. My BF and I have been dating for 2 months. While I know people have tiny, meaningless crushes on other people while being with another (you know, just kind of a natural thing but it's not a big deal because you love who you're with and you get over it), this is different and feels foreign to me. For whatever reason, I have realized that I have feelings for someone that I work with...it is extremely odd because we don't talk outside of work. It just came to me...is this a red flag for the relationship I have with my BF? I wonder if I am feeling this way because I am emotionally detaching from my BF due to a different circumstance...I'm not sure. I have suspected my BF still has feelings for his EX (IE: He has a list on his wall taped up that his ex wrote him about the 25 things she loves about him) and I also know he talks to women on-line (for instance, when he and his ex broke up, he "dated" this chic on-line from Mexico and another one from Miami...he still casually talks to these girls) but I do not know if it goes past that...or if I am just being suspicious due to my past. He also used to have this woman that is in her 40's whom he worked with contact him a lot and tell him that she was really horny and wanted him. She also told him every detail of her life. They were friends supposedly but I thought it was inappropriate that she was trying to interfere with the relationship. My BF treats me very well...I have just been cautious, not because of him but because of my past and I think I'm getting scared of "commitment". He always wants to know how I am doing and how I am feeling. He loves having me over and being with me. I have never been treated so well before. He saved up a lot of money for my birthday and bought me a gorgeous gift. I am not a materialistic person, but the fact that he did that even though he does not currently have a lot of money really touched me. I do not think he is cheating or anything, I think I am fearing commitment because of my past relationship. We are also thinking about taking a trip together out of State at the end of October and I have felt nervous. I feel so badly about this "situation", even though nothing has happened and nothing will happen. I am a very strong-willed person and whenever I feel that something inappropriate could happen, I cut off ties. For example, I never flirt with men that flirt with me and I always make it clear that I have a significant other. When I'm in a relationship and I know someone other than my boyfriend is into me, I tell them that I cannot be friends with them due to my relationship with my boyfriend. I am not one that strays and I never have strayed. I think the reason why I am starting to have these feelings is because I am beginning to detach for whatever reason. Maybe I am scared. When I realized the way I felt and when it hit me, I decided I am not going to talk to this man anymore because I want to focus on the relationship I have with my BF. Is this the appropriate way to handle it? Should I quit my job and find a new one? It is not a "profession" or a "career" job. I am also a student so I could find a new one, although jobs are not that easy to come by in my little town. If it helped my relationship, I sincerely would.
mixwell Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 You shouldn't have to cut off your male friends or anything like that. Quitting your job because you like someone ? I think that is going to far. Just let it be known that you have a boyfriend and aren't interested in that person. You can just "cut off" problems you have in life. Anyways I think if you ware wishy washy with your boyfriend you should have a talk with him and let him know that you might have committment issues from past relationships. Sounds like you end things because you're scared of being hurt and you cant always do that. Sometimes you have to test the waters and see what happens. good luck.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Mixwell, thank you for your suggestions! Well, I do not really want to quit my job but I meant that if it came down to that, I would do so.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Does anyone else have any suggestions? Thanks.
Green Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 your such an emotional person that this kinda of thing could be danger for your relationship I woud suggest getting a better job use this as motivation and as for your bf maybe you don't like him that much no spark
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Thanks for the advice, KMT.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Does anyone else have any suggestions?
Green Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Yeah don't be afraid to believe in yourself... and watch the movie Kung fu Panda
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Hahaha! Thanks for the advice...I've heard that movie was pretty good but never saw it.
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