smiiiley Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 i was with my ex for 2 years..we saw each other EVERY DAY and did everything together...he was my boyfriend, my best friend, my world basically....two months ago he broke up with me saying he is not in love with me anymore and i should move on cuz there is NO WAY we're ever getting back together...he said i didnt do nothing wrong, but he just changed how he feels for me... i saw him after that and he kissed me, hugged me, cried, told me he missed me but that he still didnt wanna get back with me...my friends and everyone told me to give him space..."supposedly" when u let someone be, they'll miss u or whatever...NOT true!! i let him be and saw him recently...he was so0ooo distant...the no contact rule didnt help at all, cuz it only made him move on even faster and forget about me completely.... he told me he cares about me ALOT as a person and that he will always be my friend but hes just not in love with me anymore, and that things have changed...it is so0ooo hard!! i wanted to marry him, i thought we were on the same page cuz he told me he was in love with me and i beleived him...he is a wonderful person and VERY attractive so i know i am definetely losing a good thing.......these 2 years he made me the happiest woman alive and now that he's gone, nothing feels right...im really goin through it....everywhere i go, everything reminds me of HIM...we had an AMAZING relationship and such good memories..how can this be SO EASY for him??? its really bothering me how much he doesnt care about throwing our relationship away...and the worst part is that last time i saw him...HE WAS DOIN SO GOOD WITHOUT ME, he doesnt hurt at all..he does not regret losing me (altho he said he knows he lost a good thing) he still doesnt regret it...before he would cry over me and hurt at the idea of me being with someone else...now HE IS TELLING ME TO MOVE ON!!! he was the sweetest person and now he is SOOOOOOOOO DIFFERENT!!! i could not beleive it was him...it feels like a stab in the heart.....i know i have to move on...but its just so hard!!!! where did i go wrong? what did i do to deserve this? any advice on what to do? ps: i feel like im driving my friends CRAZY cuz he is ALL i can talk about....im hurtin alot...and he is definetely not....thats what makes it even worse...cuz he used to cry over me and i KNOW he loved me at one point...its so hard to accept the fact that his love is gone....
Karma101 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I'm sorry for your pain. No contact is generally not used as a means to get your X back, but used as a tool to heal from the end of your relationship. At some point, when you're ready, you will get tired of being sick and tired and allow yourself to move on. People fall in love and right back out again. I have been on both ends. Don't beat yourself up wondering what you could have done differently. I'm sure you did your best. His loss. As much as I hate to hear it myself right now, time does heal all wounds.
9Lives Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 i know your pain. been there and it hurts like hell. But you have to accept it cause if he did not cheap on you, or use you, or mistreat you,,,then he has a right to change and move on. It is cold as hell but he doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore. I believe sometimes you can spend too much time together and it kills the relationship. I dont fully understand myself but some men cant be around their woman and appreciate her. She become common. If you can pull someone so hot and attractive, that says something about you. He enjoyed you for a long time....that says something about you. But maybe it was just too much he decided he wanted something different. Not necessarilly another woman. Just different. Dont blame yourself cause you did not do anything. This is a experience you had to have for putting ALL your eggs in one basket. No man should have you like that unless he is your husband. Play your cards differently.
Sawyer Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Sounds a bit like how my ex girlfriend is acting to me, she does still reply to my emails though and also i know what was wrong in the relationship it wasnt as if she left for no reason. Are you sure he just left without any reason at all?
selena_cat Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 This is the time to commence strict NC,you must must must and must! dont do mistakes that i did,yorue on panic mode if you need support you can pm me so i can help you not contact him if you feel like breaking it. Also i put a guide on NC rule, hope it helps,you must rem,ove yoruself form his life totally,cold turkey,it hurts i know but its a must good luck to you okay?
9Lives Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 This is the time to commence strict NC,you must must must and must! dont do mistakes that i did,yorue on panic mode if you need support you can pm me so i can help you not contact him if you feel like breaking it. Also i put a guide on NC rule, hope it helps,you must rem,ove yoruself form his life totally,cold turkey,it hurts i know but its a must good luck to you okay? This is true...please believe it. You are f/k up right now and you need to fall back. I had to do the same thing. It was horrible but if you do the opposite, you are going to feel worst. No good thing will come out of chasing and all that. He will miss you....believe that. But he will have more respect for you if you just let him be. do it for you and him
Author smiiiley Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 i just found out he got a new girl too while im here lookin for answers...he has been lying to me and i been doin nothin but puttin myself down......**sigh** imma stop all this and get myself back on my feet...this will teach me to trust people
Author smiiiley Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 lol i guess NC would have been good....but i have already put myself out to be the "psycho ex"...not intentionally...i just cant beleive how much he changed.....
wayfaerer1 Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Yeah, just stop talking to him completely, take him off your AIM list, take him off your facebook friends list, myspace, etc. It's been a month now since I broke up with my ex, and its been almost 3 weeks since we last talked to each other. As much as it hurts, you have to worry about yourself - you are more important than anybody else right now. I know the pain you're feeling - it burns, but let me tell you, you contact him or talk to him in any way - that pain will never go away. You have to get used to being alone, let out the pain - cry, it helps. But do not contact him. As others will tell you (and I know it too) - you are not ready to hear about whats going on in his personal life right now. Stay away - you'll be doing yourself a huge favor and your heart will heal much quicker. Trust me. Just hang in there, this happens to us all, you live and you learn. It makes you a stronger person in the end for having endured such pain and suffering. Always remember that.
Aleeed Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I know how you feel my love, my ex was exactly the same. 2 months ago for me too and the pain is still incredible, but I wouldn't take her back, after the way she has treated me since the break up. Just keep your chin up, one day at a time!
tinke Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 It appears from experience and threads here, when they leave suddenly without looking back, there is a good chance someone else is in the picture. Very sad, how quickly they can change. Many people here know the pain you are feeling, BUT...it WILL get better, it will get easier!
unknown815 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I am going through a very similar situation with the exception that i have a child with this man and he's been in my life for 7 years. You must stay far away from him. He knows how much you love him and probably wanted to explore a little not thinking of the consequences because in his head, he knows you will be there with open arms..You have to be strong and put up the biggest Front to him and ANYONE associated with him. You don't want it to get back to him that you're sitting around dwelling on him. Ive been there done that - DOESNT WORK! Give it time..Let him go out there and explore and you try your best to do the same. There is a good chance that he will come back looking for you if he sees or hears that you are doing Great. That's just the way it goes...I know its hard, trust me. Last week i literally felt like giving up on life. If you read anything i posted you will see how desperate i was for advise. You will have your good days and bad days but if you keep yourself busy and don't consume your thoughts with him - Those bad days will not be as painful and with time you start to feel better or something with change in life. Wherever you are right now will enviably change with time.
CherishG Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I am going through a very similar situation with the exception that i have a child with this man and he's been in my life for 7 years. You must stay far away from him. He knows how much you love him and probably wanted to explore a little not thinking of the consequences because in his head, he knows you will be there with open arms..You have to be strong and put up the biggest Front to him and ANYONE associated with him. You don't want it to get back to him that you're sitting around dwelling on him. Ive been there done that - DOESNT WORK! Give it time..Let him go out there and explore and you try your best to do the same. There is a good chance that he will come back looking for you if he sees or hears that you are doing Great. That's just the way it goes...I know its hard, trust me. Last week i literally felt like giving up on life. If you read anything i posted you will see how desperate i was for advise. You will have your good days and bad days but if you keep yourself busy and don't consume your thoughts with him - Those bad days will not be as painful and with time you start to feel better or something with change in life. Wherever you are right now will enviably change with time. you and I have practically the same story, but I am only 23, our daughter is turning 2 next month in october, and I've been with him for 4yrs. It's really hard on me because it's virtually impossible to do NC because he wants to see his daughter... It's been one month today since he ended things and to make matters worst, there's a 17yo girl he's seeing. There's not one day that goes by that it feels like I'm getting over this heart ache. I'm trying so hard to stay strong for my baby, but it kills me knowing that he can turn his back on me, on us, without even looking back. I also find myself questioning my reason for living. The pain is just so unbearable.
Crazy.S Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 your reason to live is your child. please dont say things like that. i really hate it, i find it selfish and pathetic
unknown815 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 That is Not at all selfish and pathetic to feel that way. Yes, your child is reason enough to live obviously. We all hit Low points and feel like we don't want to go on, But its just a temporary emotion that you will overcome in time. Its Ok to feel that way as long as you have the head to step back and know that its totally ridiculous and you CANT act on those temporary moments of insanity over a man. I'm sure you do know this though...Trust me that this entire thing with the 17 year old is NOT gonna cut it. Its so obvious that he sees you and the baby and is stricken with way too much commitment and responsibility and is almost acting out and progressing backwards. You guys are young. If he loves you, maybe he just needs a little time to get his priorities in check and mature a little. You and I are Forced to Grow up the minute we find out we are pregnant. We have no choice but to be responsible and mature. Unfortunately Its different for men but i think he WILL come around and if he's lucky, you may be there. In the interim you have to take care of you and your baby without breaking down to him. You CANT show him that you are weak. The first month when my boyfriend left i did the crazy text messaging, calling, letters and all of the stuff. I was PATHETIC! When i found out he was seeing someone, i got worse which made the situation worse. I have stopped all of that. I understand its hard to do the NC rule being I'm in the same boat. Does he pick up your child and take her or see her at your home? How often? In my situation we set a schedule each month and stick to it. I don't even let him in my house anymore. When he picks her up or drops her, i have a smile on my face and am very civil handing her over. You have to act as if you are totally ok and don't need him, that you are happy. With Time all of that pretending will become reality. Its getting a little easier every day with me. Men always want what that cant have. I would even suggest getting a night out, maybe even meeting someone new. Nothing wrong with that. If he knows you "need" him - he will be in NO hurry to grow up and come back. You can always PM if you want to get into it more.
holly86 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 WOW! i'm going through exactly the same thing! Only my ex and I have been together for a little less than a year. Though the last time I saw him (which was bout a month and a half ago) he still told me how much he loved me bla bla bla. He never did tell me that he fell out of love with me...but I knew he must have cuz he started dating a girl about a week or two after we broke up and they have been together ever since. They study together, hang out all the time, go on dates...pretty much everything we used to do...they do it now. It really hurts to see/hear/think about it. Every time i go to bed I start crying cuz I keep picturing him holding her in his arms instead of me. I have my ups and downs every day but lately i've just been feeling really bad. i'm so hurt by him bailing on me SO EASILY for someone else that i can't stop thinking/obsessing about it. How could he? Could he have really moved on? Or does he miss me yet uses her to distract himself from the break up? I've heard that it takes at least half the time you're with someone to get over them completely! I've definitely not moved on. BUT I am doing the NC and it is helping me in some ways! So I think you should stick to the NC as well....hang in there!
holly86 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 And you know what I found helpful to do every time I think about him? Well...since I am still so emotional it is obvious that crying is the only solution cuz holding all these emotions in is VERY tough and I don't know if its very good for you. Anyways...every time I'm sad I just listen to THE SADDEST songs there are and make myself cry even harder so I can get everything out...then about 20 minutes later I'm better than ever. If I'm mad I just listen to hard rock or something similar and go work out! It relieves so much stress and emotions!
Deegee Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Yeah, I still cry, then when I'm done, if I need to, I cry again. Then I feel better. My ex left me (no warning, nothing) after 3 years together, and I fight everyday to NOT HATE HIM. We give them too much power, we constantly think about them, wonder what they're doing, does he think of me?, and we get no answers. And I am emotionally drained. I don't know about you, but I KNOW that love is NOT supposed to feel like THIS. And if this is what it feels like, then you can keep it. Life is short, THIS TOO SHALL PASS, and I sure as heck DESERVE BETTER, AND SO DO ALL OF YOU!!!!
Sysyphus28 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Hey smiiley, I am going through the SAME THING. My ex was everything, now she acts like I am a stranger that she never Loved! It is a horrible feeling to be forgotten, or dumped, or thrown away. I won't sugarcoat this with bullcrap cliche's(he's just not the one, blah,blah,blah) He may be the one.....he may be everythnig you want. I really loved my ex. She was so funny and cute...... But even though she was right for me, I was not right for her. And he is being so f-ing cold because of that reason too. A relationship is two sided. I know your freaking out, I was/am a mess too....its just part of life. You are not the psycho ex! You are a person coping with sadness, pain,rejection, and you are not used to the person you loved(your support system) treating you like garbage. You are not psycho, you just need to learn better coping skills. Thats why we are all on this forum. To help eachother through this. Your ex is a scumbag for being cold and cruel to you. My ex started dating right away...a friend from back home. She was able to throw me away like a kleenex. Your not a pyscho, you are just emotional and this was your reaction pattern. Pyscho is showing up at his house with a dead rat and throwing in his mailbox, then setting the mailbox on fire.
Author smiiiley Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 thanks everyone for ur replies...love is a funny thing cuz when ur in it, it can make u so0oo happy but when it leaves its the worst feeling...its like flying on top of the clouds and then unexpectedly having ur wings cut off and falling hard on the ground..hopefully everyone who is hurtin over someone they love will get better and with the help of God find their true love!!
9Lives Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 smilley, I think this lesson here is one of the hardest ones. I looked at notes I have written and how I was in love and wanted to work so much. I still love him but I need to move on. he contacted me yesterday and I didnot respond cause I dont want the same relationship we had before. I cant. But I have been thinkin about hm all day. I just think he need to realize that I am not going to be treated any kind of way and he needs to realize his feelings for me. If he does not try harder or shows me more I wont be back. I'm not saying Im waiting for him. Im not saying he wants to get back. Im just saying I want it all. 100% if not.....keep your ass moving. My tears wll dry up
sultry33 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 thanks everyone for ur replies...love is a funny thing cuz when ur in it, it can make u so0oo happy but when it leaves its the worst feeling...its like flying on top of the clouds and then unexpectedly having ur wings cut off and falling hard on the ground..hopefully everyone who is hurtin over someone they love will get better and with the help of God find their true love!! Hi i felt exactly the same that he is a different person.. he used to fight for me all the time.. he planned our life used to get mad at me when i said one day you will leave i feel it... he is living my life with a new chick cannot say he does not miss me as prev he said he did very much but what i do know is... he is living without me... he will be fine he will be getting love having fun, moving on... Im living my life.. he can eat s hit now he is my past someone elses future.. stay strong and be happy for yourself you can be you know it hugs to you x
SRV Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 There's always the quiet after the storm, many, many days and weeks from now we will be looking back and laughing at it all. Be strong.
trueblue72ny Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 i cant even sleep in my bed at this point. the couch has become were i crash now.
HopeDiesLast Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 i read somewhere that the person you loved and had a relationship with is gone. the reason the ex has changed so much is bc this is your EX, not your bf or gf. that person is gone...for whatever reason they have changed....their feelings, something in them, whatever. i think we need to keep reminding ourselves of that. this just isnt the same person. that person is long gone. trueblue- im from upstate too
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