confusedandempty Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I'm so ****ing pissed of right now that I had to put some words down. a) I lost a fortune on stocks today ... guess I'm not the only one so I won't bother talking about it here. b) I was driving in a middle of nowhere today in 37 degrees when I experienced a flat tire. Me only wearing a t-shirt and a white hoodie. Not so white anymore. The tire didn't come off until after 15 minutes of kicking and screaming and I was so ****ing cold and wet. c) Got into an argument with my sister which resulted in her messing with my computer so I lost five hours of work that I did during the weekend - all because I turned off her radio when she was listening to some lousy Phil Collins song. And now the rest of my family thinks I've started it and wants me to apologize. **** them all. d) Rambled into my ex's facebook for a coincidence. 2yrs since breakup and I don't have any feelings for her anymore... still she is so beautiful that it pisses me off that I ****ed it up. e) Went partying this weekend and hooked up with a nice girl, which I don't know at all. Felt so disgusted with myself afterwards. It's just meaningless sex and since I broke up with my ex I've done it a billion times and I don't even like it. f) Miss all my best friends. They've all settled down with their girlfriends and most of them even have kids today. They wake up at 9 in the morning for a walk in the zoo. I couldn't imagine myself doing that ... but I still envy them for having something to care about in their life. g) Met this beautiful girl this summer. She lives faaaar away (9 hours or so). We clicked perfectly but I backed off as I didn't wanna fall for someone living far away. Well ... shouldn't have done that because I fell for her. On the other hand ... If I would have done anything about it, I would just be sitting here, feeling lousy, thinking about "why I'm committing to someone living so far away". After all I might have done right once in my life. However she will move over here in a year. h) Think it's a time for me to cut back when it comes to alcohol. I don't have a drinking problem. But during lonely weekend nights, it is usually more exciting to meet my only single friend at a bar instead of sitting and watching TV. Those nights usually end in e). i) Think I need to find myself a girl and start to grow up. However the only one I want at the moment is g) ... so the only problem is about 600 miles. booooooored ... Please cheer my up!
bustertypsy Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Hey C and E,you are going through a difficult time,even a traumatic time.Just be aware of one thing.You have probably gone through more emotional traumas in the past week than many have in their life.But guess what? You are still here and you are not giving up.Sure,you are stressed and very likely depressed,but you are here asking us for help.If I could put help into an envelope and post it to you,believe me I would. Just exist for the time being and breath in the air.Don't look for an ounce more than that.Life will improve.I remember a friend of mine who lost his brother through suicide say to me....he thought depression was a permanent problem,but he didn't realise that suicide was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm not for one second saying you are that desperate but it is worth knowing that we can sometimes feel so low,when we are only a step away from feeling good again.Give it time and all will be good again.
Author confusedandempty Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Thank you for cheering me up! I'm feeling a lot better right now. It's probably just a minor downturn, there is a lot of people out there who are doing a lot worse than I am. It just really helps putting something down on a paper. I have decided to talk to my sister and cleared the air between us. It's just silly arguing to family members, especially if you live with them. Also I have decided to quit drinking for a month. Just for my to clear my mind and concentrate on school and my job. I think it would be really good for me, and will definitely relieve the pressure on me when it comes to the exams in december. However there is still one thing that I'm so confused about. Like I told earlier, I met this girl this summer. Same age, same interests, same place in life but of course she lives far away. I really enjoyed spending time with her and I believe that she felt the same. I backed off because I didn't wanna fall for a girl that lived that far away. Shouldn't have bothered, I fell for her anyway. Now, I'm so lost and don't know what to do. We don't talk on daily basis - but quite frequently on AOL and sometimes on Facebook etc. She lives in a small town and I live in the big city. So she comes here quite often. I just don't wanna add pressure on me by starting a LTR at this moment, but I'm also so afraid that I will lose any future potentials with this girl. I'm sooo confused, but not as confused as I was on Monday
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