val8375 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Hi, I am a 33yo woman and have been married for almost 11 yrs. I married my highschool sweetheart. For most of the marriage I can say I have never been satisfied. I don't feel he is emotionally there for me and of course he feels he is. He is just not an emotional person and he said I can't expect him to change. I suppose he is right so where does that leave me. We don't have sex because I have no desire for him anymore. He never asks what he can do to change because he says he has nothing to fix. I am the one that has gone to marriage counseling for a yr and can't say it really helped. I've went on antidepressants to see if that would help. How do you know if your expecting to much or mr perfect? I am just totallly unhappy with the way our marriage is. Can I expect romance and intamacy after being together so long? I want passion and someone that is into me.
Geishawhelk Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 You've fallen out of love. You can do all you want to try to re-kindle it, but unfortunately, if the love isn't there, nothing you do, alone, will revive it. The decision you have to make, is actually very simple. Stay, inspite of the fact that it's pretty certain it won't change? or go? Even then, there are no guarantees of anything, you know that?
lonelyandfrustrated Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Have you thought about getting happy with yourself/by yourself? Do you have anything in your life that you get fulfillment from? Artistic pursuits, a hobby, friends? You can't get your husband to feel differently, but you can ask him to DO something different. You want to be romanced? Ask him to bring you flowers on Friday afternoon when he comes home from work. It's a simple gesture that he can put forth to show you his love. Maybe one day you'll believe he even means it and wants to! And for God's sake...have sex with him! Sex creates intimacy, and I bet he'd be all over ya with the romance if you laid his pipe several times a week. I know i can wrap my H around my little finger all day if I start out the morning with a bit of nookie. Look, we've been there...not having sex. When you're not having sex, no amount of anything else can make things seem better. But having sex? Hey, suddenly all those little annoyances go away! Plus, it's fun.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 And for God's sake...have sex with him! Sex creates intimacy, and I bet he'd be all over ya with the romance if you laid his pipe several times a week. I know i can wrap my H around my little finger all day if I start out the morning with a bit of nookie. Look, we've been there...not having sex. When you're not having sex, no amount of anything else can make things seem better. But having sex? Hey, suddenly all those little annoyances go away! Plus, it's fun. You should write a book and instructional DVD . There would be a lot less "lifeless" marriages if more men and women thought like you... Mr. Lucky
lonelyandfrustrated Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 You should write a book and instructional DVD . There would be a lot less "lifeless" marriages if more men and women thought like you... Mr. Lucky LOL...not like my own M ain't off in a ditch...but the sex is great! It really does help make the Important Discussions go better. Must be some sort of connection between the pole and the ear.
Author val8375 Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 lonelyandfrustrated thanks for the advice...but how do you have sex with someone you have no desire for? I have no idea how to make myself have sex with him.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 lonelyandfrustrated thanks for the advice...but how do you have sex with someone you have no desire for? I have no idea how to make myself have sex with him. Fake it till you make it! Do you still have 'needs'? Fulfill them! He'll love it, and you'll get your rocks off at the same time. Spank him if it makes you feel better. Okay, I don't know much about your relationship or your situation other than what you've told us here. Maybe you have good reason to find him repulsive. I don't know. But I think you can muster the strength to grind him, say, one a day for five days, and then re-evaluate your desire for him. I can gosh-darn-guarantee that his appeal to you will increase. Of course, don't do that if there's abuse or such going on. Then run. But it sounds like you're just stuck in a rut. Here's how you do it: the first day, it's all for you. You're an animal, you have needs, and you're going to see them met. Tell him as much. Say, "I need to get off, and I'm going to use your d*ck to do it. Get on the floor." (okay, maybe that only works for me, but I doubt it. ) If you need to prime yourself before you involve him, go for it. Spend the day walking around the house in a bra, panties, and heels--alone. You'll feel sexy. Pose in front of the mirror. Look at some naughty stuff. Whatever rocks you. Now I'm not advocating treating your spouse like meat, I'm just trying to get you to HAVE SEX. Once you break the cycle of 'we don't have sex', your relationship will improve. Just try it for five days. fantasize that he's someone else if you have to. be totally selfish if you need to. Just **** him and his attitude will change.
Siciliana Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Fake it till you make it! Do you still have 'needs'? Fulfill them! He'll love it, and you'll get your rocks off at the same time. Spank him if it makes you feel better. Okay, I don't know much about your relationship or your situation other than what you've told us here. Maybe you have good reason to find him repulsive. I don't know. But I think you can muster the strength to grind him, say, one a day for five days, and then re-evaluate your desire for him. I can gosh-darn-guarantee that his appeal to you will increase. Of course, don't do that if there's abuse or such going on. Then run. But it sounds like you're just stuck in a rut. Here's how you do it: the first day, it's all for you. You're an animal, you have needs, and you're going to see them met. Tell him as much. Say, "I need to get off, and I'm going to use your d*ck to do it. Get on the floor." (okay, maybe that only works for me, but I doubt it. ) If you need to prime yourself before you involve him, go for it. Spend the day walking around the house in a bra, panties, and heels--alone. You'll feel sexy. Pose in front of the mirror. Look at some naughty stuff. Whatever rocks you. Now I'm not advocating treating your spouse like meat, I'm just trying to get you to HAVE SEX. Once you break the cycle of 'we don't have sex', your relationship will improve. Just try it for five days. fantasize that he's someone else if you have to. be totally selfish if you need to. Just **** him and his attitude will change. I nominate this for the Best Post Ever award!!
imagine Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Sex may not be enough to "cut it". Read His Needs/Her Needs - Dr Harley
angryyoungman70 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I nominate this for the Best Post Ever award!! As do I! I honestly wish there were more women like you out there!
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Say, "I need to get off, and I'm going to use your d*ck to do it. Get on the floor." OK, that's hilarious!
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Though, I doubt it would work if a man were to say that to a woman. "I need to get off, so get on the floor, spread your legs so I can stuff my d*ck in your hole!" Just another little difference between how men and women look at sex.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 lonelyandfrustrated thanks for the advice...but how do you have sex with someone you have no desire for? I have no idea how to make myself have sex with him. Why don't you explain your list of expectations for him? Obviously he is far from perfect, the question is how bad is he?
Author val8375 Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Why don't you explain your list of expectations for him? Obviously he is far from perfect, the question is how bad is he? well I have done that, but he says he cannot be changed. I think in the beginning I started withholding sex because I figured he would want it back bad enough to change. Obviously that didn't work and now I am even more disgusted with him for not wanting to change and not wanting sex bad enough lol.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 well I have done that, but he says he cannot be changed. I think in the beginning I started withholding sex because I figured he would want it back bad enough to change. Obviously that didn't work and now I am even more disgusted with him for not wanting to change and not wanting sex bad enough lol. They get used to being rejected and just stop trying.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Though, I doubt it would work if a man were to say that to a woman. "I need to get off, so get on the floor, spread your legs so I can stuff my d*ck in your hole!" Just another little difference between how men and women look at sex. LOL...that's a good way to get to sleep on the sofa! Yeah, poor guys, if they want it they have to work for it, but if a woman wants it, she just has to whistle. lol.
gabijo06 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I know how you feel. I have only been married for 2 years and can say that I can't remember any of it being a happy time. My husband has a problem with telling the truth and keeping his word and to top it all off he's not an emtional or romantic man. So I understand what it's like to just not feel any desire for him anymore. In fact I don't even want to share the same bed with him anymore. It's a tough situation. I think every woman wants and deserves to feel wanted, needed and have passion and desire for the person you are with. I'm sure my husbands actions have helped with me just not wanting to be near him but he's never been a romantic. I've given him many suggestions. I'll tell him to buy me some flowers and he will, that day. I hope that by telling him to that perhaps he will think of it own his on, but he doesn't. Have you tried this? It's good that you have went to MC, has he ever went with you? We both have went but it has'nt helped. It's an awful feeling being married and being miserable and hoping everyday that something will make him realize how bad it has gotten. You deserve to be happy and feel loved, everyone does, even me. Divorce in my heart just hasn't been an option for me until now. This forum and reading other people experiences and advice has helped me, I hope it can help you a little too....Good Luck..I wish you all the best....
morelaugh Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Fake it till you make it! Do you still have 'needs'? Fulfill them! He'll love it, and you'll get your rocks off at the same time. Spank him if it makes you feel better. Okay, I don't know much about your relationship or your situation other than what you've told us here. Maybe you have good reason to find him repulsive. I don't know. But I think you can muster the strength to grind him, say, one a day for five days, and then re-evaluate your desire for him. I can gosh-darn-guarantee that his appeal to you will increase. Of course, don't do that if there's abuse or such going on. Then run. But it sounds like you're just stuck in a rut. Here's how you do it: the first day, it's all for you. You're an animal, you have needs, and you're going to see them met. Tell him as much. Say, "I need to get off, and I'm going to use your d*ck to do it. Get on the floor." (okay, maybe that only works for me, but I doubt it. ) If you need to prime yourself before you involve him, go for it. Spend the day walking around the house in a bra, panties, and heels--alone. You'll feel sexy. Pose in front of the mirror. Look at some naughty stuff. Whatever rocks you. Now I'm not advocating treating your spouse like meat, I'm just trying to get you to HAVE SEX. Once you break the cycle of 'we don't have sex', your relationship will improve. Just try it for five days. fantasize that he's someone else if you have to. be totally selfish if you need to. Just **** him and his attitude will change. I nominate this for the Best Post Ever award!! Add my vote. Bloody hilarious – still lots of truth in there!
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