winter Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I received an email from her (married friend) this afternoon. Among other things, she wrote that she thinks I'm deeply attracted to her, but that I'm just in denial. She thinks that subconsciously I want her, and that I enjoyed what happened, but won't admit it to myself! She wrote that she could 'pick up' on my vulnerability, and that she wanted to give me what I needed. She is sounding flat out deluded! And so presumptuous! I don't even want to justify her email with a response. I'm feeling so angry and insulted right now! I just deleted her off all of my contact lists, cell, etc. I just can't believe this happened. Where did my friend go? Who is this werido that has taken her over? Was this the 'real' her all along? How could she have hidden this side of herself for so long?
superd Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 From my experience, people with different personalities don't even remember what happened to them while they were that other personality.
Author winter Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 her choices have been really out of character for about a month is there anything that could suddenly cause that?
Owl Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I'd heartily suggest you tell her point blank...in your face point blank...that there's no attraction, she's married, you're not interested, and if she doesn't take a hint and realize that your friendship is over, you'll forward the emails you just got to her husband. She's pushing every button she can to get you involved in an affair with her.
torranceshipman Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Send the email to her H and copy her in on it, telling her you don't want any part of her nasty games. That'll shut her up. Sheesh...literally cannot believe a woman who was your friend and has a H is hitting on you like this - she's a real piece of work.
Author winter Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 I don't have her husband's email address, I don't even think he has one. He's not into computers at all. I can't believe this is happening. It feels like a warped, bad dream. Nothing is making any sense. Could there be any rational explanation? She's pushing every button she can to get you involved in an affair with her. Her email turned me off completely. It feels incredibly manipulative, as though she's trying to make it out that I'm the one who wants her, and she's just responding. This is such BS. I can just imagine what she would say to her h. if she told him about this!
quankanne Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 what other major things have you noticed about her personality that seem "off" to you? Do you think she's mixed up with drugs? Could it be a chemical imbalance that she's aware of but not treating? honestly? It sounds a little too freaky to be anything other than a bad aberration, esp. if you two have been closer than sibs all this time and no flags have popped up. my heart goes out to you winter, this just sounds harder and harder to deal with because things are coming out of left field ...
Author winter Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 She did tell me that she had gone to her doctor (several months ago) because she was having mood swings. She was prescribed an anti-depressant to stabilize her moods, but she chose not to take it (she felt afraid of how it would affect her). She went with natural methods instead. I noticed that she was more sensitive than usual. I also noticed how she could be happy one moment, then sad the next. I wasn't around her 24/7 though, so I only know what I saw with my own eyes, and what she told me. She and I both thought it was perhaps hormonal fluctuations, as she was experiences most of these symptoms predictably once a month. She has also been experiencing slight depression in winter months (SAD). I never noticed any flags in her behavior with me, or with others. She was good at processing her emotions, sitting with them, not acting on them, etc. She liked spending time with me when she was feeling sad, because she felt a lot happier when I was around. I'm sure there's a lot I don't know though. Who can ever know what goes on behind closed doors?
quankanne Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I can tell you from first-hand experience that depression – if untreated – makes your otherwise normal parameters shift. To a point where you're contemplating things you never would have before (with me, leaving the job everyone knows I love because I thought it didn't excite me before ... with one relative, desiring to break up her marriage because she didn't think she loved her husband anymore). The sad thing is, when you're going through that period, you *think* your thought processes are normal even though they're not "you." this could be a lot of what lies behind your friend's aggressive move on you. not trying to excuse it, but trying to help make sense of this, esp. since she's not "getting' why this incident is so disturbing to you.
Author winter Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 I appreciate you sharing that with me, and it does help me to understand.
Author winter Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 It's all weighing so heavily on my mind. I wonder if she has told her husband? Maybe that's why she wouldn't meet me in person to talk. I wouldn't blame him one bit if he didn't want her to see me again. I wish she and I could have spoken in person. I didn't even get the chance to face her to tell her how this has affected me. And it's not just that either, I'm seriously worried about her, and I'm wanting to know wtf happened to her that she suddenly did this. It is bothering me that she has her thoughts all twisted up. This is so unlike her. It's breaking my heart to lose my friend. I feel so helpless. There is nothing I can do to salvage the friendship at this time. I hope she goes to her doctor again, I think she may in fact be needing those meds. I'll say some prayers for her, but what else can I do? I didn't sign up to be the OP. I did not chose to be the OP. How long have I been just that though, for her, in her head? in her heart? I am 'in the way' of her and her husband working on whatever issues they have, and not by my own choice! This has been all put upon me!
angie2443 Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I'll say some prayers for her, but what else can I do? I didn't sign up to be the OP. I did not chose to be the OP. How long have I been just that though, for her, in her head? in her heart? I am 'in the way' of her and her husband working on whatever issues they have, and not by my own choice! This has been all put upon me! You are not the OP. You are not 'in the way' of her and her husbands working on their issues. If you weren't there, she would on to something/someone else. This sounds very much like a bipolar illness to me. Of course I don't really know enough to know, but the drastic changes in her behavior and her comming on to you out of no where sounds like a lot of people I have known who were/are bipolar. If this is the case, she really needs to be on medication before a train reck happens.
Author winter Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 If you weren't there, she would on to something/someone else. Thank you saying that. I have been blaming myself I suppose. I've been going over things I've said and done, searching for what I may have done to give her any kind of idea that I would 'go there' with her. I think I've been a good friend with clear boundaries. I don't think I ever sent any signals of a sexual nature. I've never flirted with her even. I'm very careful about that. I have also considered bipolar as a possibility. Sometimes she 'races' when she talks, and has so much energy. Other times she is sad and drained. Maybe other people in her life have noticed, maybe her h? Hopefully others will suggest that she see her doctor again.
pelicanpreacher Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 If only your friend's husband had an inkling of the pain and suffering he has yet to endure at the hands of his mentally imbalanced wife he'd run screaming from his marriage with sparks showering from his feet! As you can tell I am not concerned with your friend's welfare in the least. She knows she is dysfunctional and has chosen to ignore all medical advice in deference to the satiation of her own selfishly sensed subliminal indulgences so, as Mark Anthony would say, "Let the Dice Fly"! OP, the answer to your situation is quite easy to discern. The only question that remains is "do you have the b@lls to act on your own clarity"!
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