Peter_pan Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 cant escape the ex, only its not mine its hers.. basically met a girl at work, we hit it off well, like each other etc etc went on a date loved it, she had recently split with her ex, he treated her bad, abused her etc. Think they were together for about six months ish. basically he wont leave her alone, always calls her, always stalks her, always tries to see her. even when he knew about me and her he is still doing it. apologizing etc and writing her love letters, drawing her pictures, buying her gifts. trying to make her feel jealous, ringing her about 5 times when im with her. txts her nasty things. tries to use emotional black mail against her. and she has told me she dosnt want him back she wouldnt do that to me, she cares about me, and she wants to just be his friend. she cant do "nc" because of what they went through in her re whilst with him and he stayed with her through a really rough patch in her life. and she genuinely wants to talk to him so dosnt want nc anyway. and just now he is going through a bad time with something and dosnt want to leave him all alone. well anyway this has been going on for about 4 weeks now that ive been seeing her. and today i found out she went out shopping with him and then he wanted to take her to dinner but she told him she is broke, so he said ok lets make a pizza, so they went to the superstore and were looking for a pizza base. he changed his mind and they argued about what to have, so there was a scene in the superstore, swore at each other, she stormed out and there was also a scene in the shop over shoes or something. anyway, she goes back to his house to cook the food with him, he gets all angry about stuff again, she feels uncomfortable around him, cause if he dosnt get his own way he gets angry, so she got pissed off, threatened to him that she will leave, tells him there relationship didnt work and trying to be friends isnt working either and tells him she is gonna walk home. he says fine then f off, you wont go kinda attitude, shes like watch me. walks home and thats when i got the phone call explaining what i have just told you. i dont know what to do tbh, sick of her telling me she hates him wants him to get lost etc, then she is out shopping with him... tonight made me feel like one big rebound if i was being honest. it feels like a love triangle. ultimately i wouldn't mind if she went back with him, if it makes her happy... but obviously i care about her and knowing what he did to her dosnt make me want that at all. i dunno, things where going well, i thought she was going to stop seeing him etc but then this. i dont know where i stand anymore. not nice i really want to beat this guy up cause he really makes me mad but i know that wouldn't help... so yeah. advice would be nice
Geishawhelk Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I think you're going to have to tell her that for your relationship with her, to have any chance of working, she has to completely sever all ties with him. It's not doing her any good, it's not doing him any good, and there's no point adding that it's not doing much for you either. If there was something positive or constructive about it, you'd understand. But it's just been hell. I would also say to her, that you'll give her a couple of days to make her mind up. Leave her be for a couple of days, and let her call you when she's ready. Which may be never, but then, you'll know, won't you, just where this is going, and how it will keep going.....?
Author Peter_pan Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 thanks, good advice, although i think its all just been made clear just got a txt from her saying she has only just got home and for the first time she felt like she had no where to go. im really sorry. but i cant handle what ever we have going. great hey. dont know what to say to that. i feel like saying, well it says alot that you couldn't feel like you could turn to me. its ok ive been let down before etc etc etc really sad and disappointed in a way, we had been spending everyday together for a while and then this. still tempted to do the above, we work together... so thurs will see her anyway. "that you'll give her a couple of days to make her mind up. Leave her be for a couple of days, and let her call you when she's ready"
Author Peter_pan Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 please reply some one update, i said ok well glad you got home safe, sorry you felt that way. it says alot. im sorry to..
Lishy Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Oh PP you are being used! Dont let her do this to you hon, kick her to the curb! You dont go shopping with an abusive bully, she loves it! Get out!
Author Peter_pan Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 she txt back saying, what says alot? i didnt want to get into a massive argument so i said, can i come and talk to you.. she lives near me. she said im in bed now so not really. ive run out of txts now. (i havnt txtd her back) ugh so very sad. she wrote me a poem 2 days ago, which mentioned about our ex's being horrible. and that our love can grow and how she wants me and i make her happy etc and all that nice stuff i even wrote her one back your right though. i dont deserve to be treated this way. what if she says sorry tomoz also she is bipolar and suffering depression and is on a period at. dont know if that info enlightens anything
Lishy Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Oh PP Please just end it! She is toxic and does not care for you, only herself! Damn I so wish you would listen to me, you sound so lovely and you REALLY do not deserve this
BleuStar Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Maybe she isn't over her ex yet? If I was over someone, I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with them (at least not right away) and I definitely wouldn't go shopping with an ex if I was seeing someone new. Maybe she's hoping he will change, etc...but he won't. And if she doesn't realize that now, she'll realize it later. As for saying she felt like she had nowhere to go, that sounds like she's trying to get you to feel sorry for her. I don't think she's over her last relationship yet....if I were you, I'd take a step back from my feelings, maybe offer to be just her friend if you can handle that, and see what happens from there. It sounds like she has too many problems in her life though, and you shouldn't have to put up with that. Especially in a new relationship. Good luck.
Author Peter_pan Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 thanks for the advice. it is apparent that she isn't over him i guess. will take a step back, and yeh she needs to realize that, wish she would have got that bit out the way. i knew something was up when i spoke to her on the phone and she was shopping, she spoke to me "differently" and i picked up on that. then later when i got that phone call it confirmed that she was with him and thats why. funny, the txt that said she missed me was at 8 and then an hour later the one about not being able to handle stuff shall i see what happens tomoz, take a step back regardless of what she says and just say i think its best if we are friends, at least untill you have sorted out yourself from your previous re
Author Peter_pan Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 update she said sorry for yesterday. it was a real eye opener to her and she dosnt want to hurt me, and expecting me to be with her through this will do that i said you mean stuff with you ex? its ok, least i know where i stand now. maybe when youve sorted stuff out we could link up again she said well from that it doesnt sound like your bothered, but for the record its nothing to do with my ex i dont want him anymore, at all. i meant the depresion. i said sorry i only though that cause of yesterday. and i do care. i want whats best for both of us. so i appreciate honesty she said theres a difference in caring and having a relationship, but this is probably for the best by the looks of things. talk whenever x i said i knw theres a difference.. and if you feel we cant be in a relationship whislt you work things through thats fine! look im still here for you, dont be a stranger x she said youve just proved we were a load of bull just like every other relationship. so i'll willingly make myself a stranger thankyou. i said wow thanks ! how exactly have i proved that? no reply so far i mean wow, just wow. did i say anything wrong here people? was i in the wrong? i feel like i said something wrong or sound like i dont care
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