So empty and hurt

[creamlamps]

I have a long story but i'll try to make it quick. I married at 19, my hubby was about to be 20. I'm now 30. I've always had very strong opinions against infedility. I felt even a x rated conversation was cheating. I was raised SUPER strict, not ableto do ANYTHING!! Not only that, I was the fat girl growing up and didn't get to at all until I lost weight at 18 years old. So you see by 19 I was already hitched. We got married young cuz we were infatuated with each other and eager to have sex!!! Cuz we are raised in such a strict religion, fornication was a HUGE no no and living together was out of the question. When I married part of me wondered if getting married so young would come back to bite me in the ass but at the time it seemed right. We dated for 6 months before we got married, tons of guys flirted with me and wanted me but I remained faithful to him. We both were virgins, in college, same religion, and best friends. Through our marriage we've face few rocky times in regards to our commitment. The biggest thing was when he finally fessed up about looking at porn several years into the marriage. To some this ain't no biggie but to me at that time it BROKE me. I lost all trust in his faithfulness to me. He'd lied to me for so long about it. I was already insecure as I have never felt pretty enough for anyone cuz that's all I heard when I was young and overweight. His lie made it all worse. Since we'd married there had been moments I'd wonder, "what's it like to have sex with anohter man or kiss another man? I was curious deep inside.

 

Now skip to 11 years into the marriage (present). It started when this guy at work started flirting with me a lot. I get flirted with a bunch but this guy was relentless and close to my age and cute. I never really noticed him much but he began to pursue me heavily. I gave into his flirting and let him go with it. So one day, I gave in, we kissed, and touched...and a couple of other things, it was the greatest feeling. No I didn't love him! But the high from those encounters was intoxicating. The guilt pushed me to tell my hubby that a guy "kissed me on the cheek only" and I let him cuz I like his attention. See for a long time I have felt my huibby taking me for granted, he just didn't seem to notice me anymore. When he found out about the kiss, he lost it, beame very controlling (more than before), started going to church more and reading the bible, fasting, out of fear that i'll cheat. I left my job, but contacted aother guy I had found attractive for many years, he was an old patient of mine. Not to mention I loved his personality. I wanted to have sex with him. I went from loathing infedility to finding a comfort sone with the whole "whole what your spouse doesn't know won't hurt them" thing. I used to despise that!!! So the guy I contacted actually met with me for a make out but since has pushed me away. Unlike before though I've become too attached to this guy, see he starting saying words like "love" to me and I let him go with it, this caused me to believe this ******* "loved me" Anyway, point is, I want to feel that high again, but at the same time this guy I want doesn't want me sexually, so I'm feeling very hurt and used, all my fat-girl insecurities are rearing their ulgy heads. I keep emailing him begging for attention and I hate myself for falling too hard for this guy. I don't think its love but rather infatuation and bordering on obsession. In the meantime I find myself losing interest in my hubby, his controlling ways are pissing me off. I feel like I'm that little girl again who's not allowed to have any fun. I'm 30 dammit!!! My life has been consumed with nothing but church and college. I never been drunk, danced, partied, had a one-night-stand. I have all these dirty desires but I don't feel guilty about them. To be blunt, if an attractive man just wanted to have sex with me and walk away I'm up for it, especially if he were a "bad boy". So, what the hell's wrong with me!!! I have lost my moral views on infedelity and just wanna experience sex with other men...not necessarily love. Now this guy I want to know has pulled me into this emotional thing, and I want him so bad, but he won't give it to me. He says I'm marriage material and he don't wanna use me nor does he wanna be used. I just wanna have an affair with this guy and see where it goes. And yes, I HATE myself for the way I feel and the desires I have. But I just wanna LIVE before I DIE!! I'm in therapy but get little help there, my hubby refuses counseling. There are many times I don't wanna be married anymore, I wanna know what's it's like to be on my own. Ugh! What do I do with all this stuff inside and still feel fulfilled in this life. HELP!!! Divorce is very frowned upon in my family.

 

Linda

[michelangelo]

And go wallow in the dirt you so love now. But don't even go crying back to him once you've had your fill.

 

Seems you have rung a bell that can't be unrung.

 

You have rejected all that is good in your life, for what?

 

You owe your husband his freedom and the truth of what is going on.

 

He and you both will need STD testing.

 

Whatever you do, live the truth of your life and let your husband live the truth of his.

[DealingWDrama]

Oh dear one...I think you are going through the 'damn I'm 30 years old what now' phase in life. I think all women go through it. We begin to evaluate our lives and see what we could have done or should have done, ect. The best thing I can tell you to do is to get into counseling for yourself...do not get involved with another man while you are married - the regret of not doing it is far less than the regret of doing it. Remember, lean not unto your own understanding...if God is leading you to a cliff ... he will either catch you when you fall or give you wings.

The feelings you are having are normal. You are not crazy...get some professional counseling...not from a religious person, but from a counselor who is secular. You know your faith and have a handle on your faith....

You are noticing the little things that your H is doing that are ticking you off because you are involved in an emotional affair with the flirty hunky guy who is paying attention to you.

Get a handle on your self esteem through counseling and find your self worth...end the end, you will appreciate yourself more for doing so. Don't complicate your 30s crisis with an Affair...it only makes things worse...hugs

[Reggie]

I think any man considering having sex with you might fear prosecution for having relations with a mentally challenged, vulnerable adult. You see patients? How scary is that?

[jmargel]

You never got to sow your wild oats and doing it now. It happens to alot of women that never got a chance to experience independence at an earlier age.

[Owl]

This is SIMPLE...

 

Why haven't you already divorced your husband?

 

Just divorce him, then you're free to boink whomever you like.

 

I don't get it...what's holding you back?

[creamlamps]

Dear reggie- don't judge because I saw a former patient. I've known him for 4 years and we'd become good friends. I won't tell u what I do nor what his ailment is but just know I liked him despite his illness, which was nothing he should be ashamed of. When we got together he was no longer my patient, so keep your tunnel-visioned judgements to yourself. I would never get involved with a person who I'm currently caring for as a patient. Think about this....would you not date someone you like just because they had cancer and you were there physical therapist at some time? What kinda person does that make you? If you are so sane (since I'm mentally challenged) then what are you doing on this forum???

 

Thanks to the couple of you who are understanding. I came here for advice not more reasons to hate myself cuz God knows I've done that all my life. You are right I wanna sew my wild oats and that's the bottom line. I was raised in a cage and I feel now I remain in one. My whole life I've lived to please everyone else, my parents, husband. My husband is good but has lied to me before. One thing I've had to come to terms with is this...NO ONE, NOT ONE is perfect. We all have our hang ups, be it alcohol, drugs, or.....sex. It just so happens that SEX is one of the most taboo "hang ups" one can have cuz this world likes to rank addictions. Being a meth addict is actually less frowned upon than being a sex addict. WTF? But for those of you who are religous we know God doesn't rank things, it's all the same. Those of you who are so quick to judge, BE CAREFUL! That used to be me, I actually said, "I'll never cheat". Boy never say never.

 

I thought this forum would be a good place to vent and get good advice, but I see many of you are very judgemental and not understanding at all. So I think I won't stay on here. But to those of you who want to judge me, ask yourself, "did I ever get a chance to sew my wild oats and have my share of fun, parties, sex"? If you answer yes, then does that make me worse than you? I just didn't get to do that ever.....and now I feel empty.

 

L

[bish]

Now skip to 11 years into the marriage (present). It started when this guy at work started flirting with me a lot. I get flirted with a bunch but this guy was relentless and close to my age and cute.

 

Well gee, then it wasn't your fault. he was cute. There was nothing you could have done.

 

 

I never really noticed him much but he began to pursue me heavily. I gave into his flirting and let him go with it. So one day, I gave in, we kissed, and touched...and a couple of other things, it was the greatest feeling. No I didn't love him! But the high from those encounters was intoxicating. The guilt pushed me to tell my hubby that a guy "kissed me on the cheek only" and I let him cuz I like his attention.

 

so you lied telling your husband that HE kissed YOU ONLY on the cheek.

 

 

See for a long time I have felt my huibby taking me for granted, he just didn't seem to notice me anymore.

 

It happens. I'd say that happens in alot of marriages. Comfort sets in and things get humdrum.

 

 

When he found out about the kiss, he lost it, beame very controlling (more than before), started going to church more and reading the bible, fasting, out of fear that i'll cheat. I left my job, but contacted aother guy I had found attractive for many years, he was an old patient of mine.

 

so you go from one guy, and go looking for another? Why don't you just get divorced?

 

 

 

Not to mention I loved his personality. I wanted to have sex with him. I went from loathing infedility to finding a comfort sone with the whole "whole what your spouse doesn't know won't hurt them" thing. I used to despise that!!!

 

And you no longer despise it I take it?

 

 

So the guy I contacted actually met with me for a make out but since has pushed me away. Unlike before though I've become too attached to this guy, see he starting saying words like "love" to me and I let him go with it, this caused me to believe this ******* "loved me" Anyway, point is, I want to feel that high again, but at the same time this guy I want doesn't want me sexually, so I'm feeling very hurt and used, all my fat-girl insecurities are rearing their ulgy heads. I keep emailing him begging for attention and I hate myself for falling too hard for this guy. I don't think its love but rather infatuation and bordering on obsession. In the meantime I find myself losing interest in my hubby, his controlling ways are pissing me off.

 

Well if you weren't cheating he wouldn't have a reason really now would he?

 

Honestly, he shouldn't be controlling you. He should be divorcing you.

 

 

I feel like I'm that little girl again who's not allowed to have any fun. I'm 30 dammit!!!

 

You can have all the fun you like. Divorce your husband and you can contact as many different guys as you like to have sex with.

 

What are you waiting for?

 

 

My life has been consumed with nothing but church and college. I never been drunk, danced, partied, had a one-night-stand. I have all these dirty desires but I don't feel guilty about them. To be blunt, if an attractive man just wanted to have sex with me and walk away I'm up for it, especially if he were a "bad boy".

 

Aha, ladies that say the bad boys aren't what attracts women, take note!!!

 

 

 

So, what the hell's wrong with me!!! I have lost my moral views on infedelity and just wanna experience sex with other men...not necessarily love. Now this guy I want to know has pulled me into this emotional thing, and I want him so bad, but he won't give it to me. He says I'm marriage material and he don't wanna use me nor does he wanna be used.

 

Well the guy is dead wrong about you being marriage material. I think you would agree at this point wouldn't you?

 

 

 

I just wanna have an affair with this guy and see where it goes.

 

Why don't you just get a divorce?

 

 

And yes, I HATE myself for the way I feel and the desires I have.

 

Uh, no, you don't. You already said you don't feel guilty about wanting to cheat on your husband. so which is it?

 

 

 

But I just wanna LIVE before I DIE!!

 

Thats all fine and dandy, but live your life without adversly affection someone elses. Get a divorce and you can live whatever life you want.

 

 

 

Divorce is very frowned upon in my family.

 

And cheating is not?

[creamlamps]

Thanks for the divorce suggestion, I hadn't thought of that one LOL. Seriously though, I dread hurting him. Also, my family and friends frown upon divorce. I'd be shunned. So looks like I'm in between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes I want to separate and have time alone but he'd never take me back. That's how he was when we were dating, the rule was this, "you date only me and no one else, or you don't date me at all". Thus the reason I never ventured out to see other people.

[Maladjusted]

If you feel that you are having these urges, do the honorable thing and divorce your husband. I won't condemn you for the way you think/feel, but if you know all of this about yourself then do what is right by your husband.

 

Then go out and do what you have to do. I think you'll find that what you want to experience is really an empty and meaningless existence. I know because I once lived a life like the one you want to live. However, some people need to go through hell before they can really appreciate what is to love.

 

Frankly, I don't think you need to party I think you need to work on your self esteem. You are looking to others to validate yourself and that isn't healthy.

[bish]

But to those of you who want to judge me, ask yourself, "did I ever get a chance to sew my wild oats and have my share of fun, parties, sex"?

 

Nope, it wasn't my thing.

 

 

If you answer yes, then does that make me worse than you? I just didn't get to do that ever.....and now I feel empty.

 

L

 

I never felt empty about not partying. And never did I once think about cheating on my now xW. never entered my mind.

[bish]

Thanks for the divorce suggestion, I hadn't thought of that one LOL. Seriously though, I dread hurting him.

 

:confused: You said you didn't feel guilty about cheating on him :confused:

 

 

Also, my family and friends frown upon divorce. I'd be shunned.

 

What do you think they would do if they found out you seek out men to have sex with? You better hope your husband doesn't have deep conversations with your family if he finds out you are soliciting men for sex.

 

But my guess is that he won't because you humiliated him.

 

 

So looks like I'm in between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes I want to separate and have time alone but he'd never take me back.

 

And nobody could blame him. So basically you are going to deny him a life and keep cheating on him. Nice.....real nice. Too bad he doesn't find out you are soliciting men for sex. Then maybe he'd grow a pair and file for divorce himself.

 

 

That's how he was when we were dating, the rule was this, "you date only me and no one else, or you don't date me at all". Thus the reason I never ventured out to see other people.

 

And the problem with that line of thinking is??? What do you think a committment is? Seeing other people?

[creamlamps]

BISH- wow you are so kind. Wonder if you've ever done anything wrong? Probably not.... not you. Wonder if you've ever lied? Nah, not you. BTW nice pic, practicing for Playboy?

 

So guess I'm outta here, you guys are indeed brutal to those who struggle with these desires, we are just supposed to turn them off I guess? Don't you think if I could I would reach inside and rip this thing outta me?

[creamlamps]

Dear BISH,

You seem very jaded, just so you know, I never had sex with anyone but my hubby. How many men have you slept with? And yes, when you are young and dating (that means seeing if you like someone before u get married), I think it's ok to date different people unless you "go steady" as they old schoolers say it. But he wouldn't allow it. And despite his control then I chose to stay because i liked him a lot. I'm glad you've "never had the desire" I guess that makes you Mary the Mother of God. SO fly up to heaven with all the other angels and look down on us lost sinful souls that can't be forgiven or redeemed. We can only hope to achieve your moral standing with God!

[creamlamps]

Dear Maladjusted,

 

Your advice is good and comes from years of maturity and experience. I will take it to heart, and try to follow it. Keep encouraging people like me to do the right thing without judgement. Even Jesus loved the harlett in the Bible.

[michelangelo]

And most who have commented, including myself, have seen this.

 

My wife did as you are doing in her 30s.

 

You are not living a good life. You are agitated and distressed and generating all that negativity. so when people here point it out it is distressing to you becuase you feel as though you are good person who just needs to have some stray sex and keep it under wraps because of the religious judgment of youur family?

 

I recommend that you commit fully to professional counseling and be honest there.

 

You are harming your husband and yourself. this is not about hitting 30 and feeling like you missed out on all the fun. as bad as that is, it is far more.

 

Please get real help. And alert your husband of what a life he is living.

 

And again, get tested for STD infections.

[Maladjusted]

Well, I just think that you came here for help so that is what I try and give.

 

You have to look for happiness within yourself before you can find happiness with someone else. That sounds like the biggest problem you have going. Drinking and screwing a bunch of people isn't going to solve your problems (though I must admit it sure is fun).

 

Even if you got a divorce and started sleeping around and drinking that wouldn't make you feel better. You know what is wrong with you. You feel like the "fat girl". Knowing what your problem is is the hard part; finding help for it is the easy part.

 

It sounds like you just need someone to talk to and you don't have that (friend, psychologist, what have you)

[michelangelo]

Dear Maladjusted,

 

Your advice is good and comes from years of maturity and experience. I will take it to heart, and try to follow it. Keep encouraging people like me to do the right thing without judgement. Even Jesus loved the harlett in the Bible.

 

jesus also told her to sin no more.

[lkjh]

Creamlamps, actually certain sins are heavier than others, adultery is against the ten commandments not drug use. Look you seem to be a very childish person, you have blamed your H, parents, and just about everything else except yourself. Look people are not being mean they are being honest! You need to grow up and realize that you are acting very selfish and hurtful. You are going through a depression and you need to be careful, how you react to this will determine the rest of your life. People go through these things and they pull out. You need to talk to your H and tell him what you have done and that you need pro help before you sink to late. In the mean time cut out other men and shield yourself because right now you can not trust yourself.

[Crow9726]

If you are looking for support only and want not to be judged or flamed for what you are wanting to do...there is another forum where women like yourself cheer each other on and condone cheating and sleeping around.

 

They support each other and talk about ways to hide and cover affairs up...as well as how to lie to yourself so that your guilt doesn't make you rot to the very core. Unfortunately...rotting to the core is something you are already doing. Lying and scheming...both of which you have already done...have tainted your soul. Go ahead and corrupt yourself some more...and take a few of those men who are more than willing to dive between your spread legs with you.

 

It seems to me that you are rebelling against what you feel was too strict of an upbringing. You seem upset that your parents or someone fed your low self-esteem...and that being chaste and remaining a virgin was somehow damaging to you. That not being a teenage mother out of wedlock...that not sleeping around and partying...that respecting yourself and your body were sins in their own right.

 

Just face the facts. You are not in love with your husband...you are not committed to the relationship you have with him...you want to whore around just for the pure physical gratification and adrenaline rush of another's man body entering yours. What a warped way to seek validation.

 

Temptation is a bitch!!! Shame you can't seem to resist it.

 

If I sound harsh...or if some of the other posters seem that way to you...perhaps you should step outside yourself and take a look at what we see everyday...and what many of us have experienced.

 

Doubt that you will though...your responses to criticism make that oh so apparent.

[bish]

BISH- wow you are so kind.

 

And what you are doing is..????

 

 

Wonder if you've ever done anything wrong? Probably not.... not you.

 

Not on the lines of what you are doing no. I have never cheated, never will. never slept with anyone's spouse, never will.

 

Sure I've done things wrong in my life, but never to betray someone as you have.

 

 

 

Wonder if you've ever lied? Nah, not you.

 

Everyone tells little white lies here and there.

 

Big difference between that and what you are doing.

 

 

 

BTW nice pic, practicing for Playboy?

 

Ya, a pic of Obama in drag. Ya thats playboy material alright:p

 

 

 

So guess I'm outta here, you guys are indeed brutal to those who struggle with these desires

 

You already said you don't feel guilty about cheating on your husband. So what struggle is there?

[bish]

Dear BISH,

You seem very jaded, just so you know, I never had sex with anyone but my hubby.

 

So what? You want to have sex with other men and you are actively seeking out that sex.

 

 

How many men have you slept with?

 

None.

 

 

And yes, when you are young and dating (that means seeing if you like someone before u get married), I think it's ok to date different people unless you "go steady" as they old schoolers say it.

 

yes, its perfectly ok, but if there is an understanding of a committment, then you commit. If you didn't want it that way, then you should have sewed your oats.

 

 

But he wouldn't allow it.

 

He wouldn't allow it? You mean you didn't have the choice to break it off with him? He held a gun to your head?

 

 

 

And despite his control then I chose to stay because i liked him a lot.

 

That was your CHOICE.

 

 

I'm glad you've "never had the desire" I guess that makes you Mary the Mother of God.

 

There is a difference between having desire, and feeling the need to go out and lay as many people as you can get your hands on. never said I didn't have desires, just not the desire to screw everything I see.

[LakesideDream]

CreamLamps, while my heart goes out to you for the situation you are in, I understand the anger you are receiving from other posters.

 

Your husband is consistant from High School on he has held the same views. He had not thrown you a curve by "changing" 10+ years into your marriage.

 

It's not good that you were so inexperianced emotionally and sexual when you were young and decided to get married. It's happened to many many of us. Marrying young is only one of your problems. You also have a real problem with honesty, and another with fidelity.

 

You didn't mention (or I don't remember) whether you have children or not. If you have no children the solution is obvious. You need to get a divorce and persue your new goals. If you have children it's more complicated. Your children (if any) should be more important to you than your need for sexual stimulation.

 

You have already crossed one line by acting on your attraction for men outside your marriage. Crossed another by kissing a man and lying about it to your husband. And yet another by encouraging a man to touch your breasts or vagina, and reciprocating, which I assume is what you meant by "other things". You knew what your husband would think of your behavior, and did it anyway. You are compounding those misdeeds by not taking responsibility for your actions.

 

Take a good look at your situation. If you want to remain married to your husband, stop chasing men outside your marriage, get into counseling! Individual first, possibly joint counseling later.

 

If counseling is not for you, and it may not be, free your husband. He hasn't broken his contract with you. He deserves the oppertunity to find a woman who shares his moral and religious views.

 

Please don't worry about your parents and friends opinions on Divorce. As another poster said, I am sure that those same friends and parents would be absolutely flabberghasted and appalled to know that you had encouraged another man to fondle you sexually. Dont be a hypocrite. Friends and parents have not been a factor in your decisions to this point, it's absurd to suggest you are afraid of what they may think in the future.

 

Good Luck, I hope you can work through this. My opinion is that you are headed down a disasterous path.

[jmargel]

Honestly I don't know why half the posters here are being rude to her and telling her to 'get a divorce'. This is not going to solve her problem. She's not a witch or a bad person. She came on here for advice as she is confused. She is being honest with you all about what she is feeling.

 

You don't know what she truly feels or can understand it unless you are in her shoes. Try backing off some, you might get more information from her regarding her situation. By doing what you posters have done, you made her defensive, not a good way to communicate.

 

Linda, you're not a bad person for wanting to experience these things, for I would probably feel the same way you do. I've been there, the one night stands, the meaningless sex, etc.. I realized that happened because I was lonely and was looking for a quick 'fix'. I also found it hard to trust people since I was cheated on by my ex-fiancee before this happening.

 

I think you have a combination of not having these experiences, but also more important there is something really lacking in your marriage. The intimacy, the romance, the little things. That's great if you and your husband go by the teachings of the bible, however you also need to feel wanted. When you don't feel wanted, that 'little fat girl' inside of you rears it's ugly head. You have put your own self-worth into your marriage and your husband and when you feel rejected by that, then you feel rejected by life. Kinda like you did when you were little.

 

That is too much to put on your shoulders, and when one puts their own self-worth into another person (married or not) then you are setting yourself up for rejection.

 

I think at this point perhaps marriage counseling is in order. Also know that thinking/fantasizing of being with other people IS OK. There is nothing wrong with that, it's human nature. As for kissing/touching another guy although is was a bad choice, that's all it was. It doesn't mean your a bad person. Everyone has made mistakes in life and we will continue to do so. It's when we fail to learn from these mistakes that we fail ourselves. How do you learn from yours? Well, by going to counseling, then finding out what you really want to do with your life. Either with or without your husband.

 

We don't have an instruction booklet when we are born. We don't know what's going to happen the next day and sometimes we don't know what's going to happen based on the decisions we make today. We can only go into these things with as much information as we can and only control the things that are given to us to control.

[oldguy]

Thanks for the divorce suggestion, I hadn't thought of that one LOL. Seriously though, I dread hurting him. Also, my family and friends frown upon divorce. I'd be shunned. So looks like I'm in between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes I want to separate and have time alone but he'd never take me back. That's how he was when we were dating, the rule was this, "you date only me and no one else, or you don't date me at all". Thus the reason I never ventured out to see other people.

 

 

You dread hurting him?! But you intend to anyway.For someone who is concerned with what your family and friends think of divorce have you not considered what they would think of infidelity..

 

I get the impression that if you would be shunned for divorce that cheating on your husband by sleeping with someone “your not married too”, (you did say that’s why you married so young, was to have sex), you would be scorned. Do you really think they would and for how long? You need to live with you and you need to be happy and respect yourself no matter what you decide to do.

 

Seriously, do what you need to do, not to do something foolish. If your shrink isn’t helping find another shrink!

I really need to know; DO YOU HAVE CHILLDREN?

 

Are you just trying to assert your independence over an overbearing husband? Or is this really just about the thrill of sex with someone new? And which ever it is, you need to know that. Are you attracted to this man because he gives you the attention you desire from your husband? If so, and I suspect it is, you have to ask yourself, how long will that last? It sometimes feels like it is easier to get something new rather than fix something old but if you, (and your husband), have let you relationship get to where it needs to be fixed, you need to know how it got broken or the same thing will follow you into your next relationship. We are creatures of habit.

 

Your shrink should be asking you questions like;Where do you see yourself in a year, 2 years, 5 years and long term life time; 1; if you stay with your husband, 2; leave him to be on your own, 3; leave him to have a fling or do you hope for a long term relationship with this other man. What consequences will you have to face in each scenario? Then, what will you do to try and insure you get what you’re expecting? If you decide to stay with your husband, what do you want to be different in 1, 2, 5 years and what will have to take place to insure that? This is a loose example that is intended to help you think out a decision not necessarily to make one. For instance; you say your family and friends will shun you if you divorce, but you never said what you thought they would do if you cheated on your husband. Which is another option, (not I’m recommending but you should explore for the sake of what would it do). Back to you being shunned, in your evaluation, who would, how would they shun you, how long. I doubt family would for long and would question the value of a friendship if the walked away from you. This exercise is just one and something like this is just a way to force you to spend some time, effort and research so you will look more than a few steps ahead. This type of thing should be done with a councilors input or review, to get some clear feed back on and is just a loose example.

 

Remember; you need to live with you and you need to like that person. Unless there are children involved then your life belongs to them, in most cases.