serialgf Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 hi everyone! at the risk of getting reamed out here goes nothing... so.... as my handle suggests, for some reason or other, i seem to glide from one relationship to another... i know you guys can probably give me a million reasons that this is the case but that's not what this post is about - i just wanted to give you a little background about my dating habits this has been the fastest i've ever glided. well anyways up until this past friday i was dating my heavy metal boyfriend, who some of you may be familiar with. we dated for 11 months and that entire time i always thought of him as more of a "mr. right now" than a mr. right. i admit i had a hard time breaking it off - we got along really well, laughed constantly etc. but he didn't have a lot of the qualities i want in a guy. he partied a lot, wasn't much of an intellectual, was nocturnal, etc. moving on, about 3 hours after we broke up, which i did via text mind you, i hooked up with someone new. he's 35 and he is an artist (painter) and i am absolutely smitten by him. he's smart, sweet, and wonderfully talented. and he's older than me (i'm 28), which i've never really had a boyfriend who was significantly older than me (to me 7 years is significant). new guy and i spent most of the weekend together, learning about each other, cuddling, etc. we did not see each other last night (both of our choices - i mean even i dont want to move that fast) though he did csall me to say goodnight - very sweet. but we do have a date for tomorrow. we are either going to an artsy movie or to the museum at the university. so the question i have is what to expect from a relationship with a 35 year old. like i said, i've never dated anyone that age and i am pretty excited about it. so far he is just so much more mature than guys my age - he's asked me about what i think about marriage and children - something a guy muy age would totally have a heart attack if i tried to bring up! the other "issue" i have is that now i am totally smitten and can't even concentrate on work - how do you focus on other stuff when you are in that beginning smitten phase? after reading this you guys probably think i have issues so i welcome anything else this posting makes you want to respond to... thanks for reading and i look forward to getting some good advice, especially about the psychology of a 35 year old man...
Author serialgf Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 does anyone have any advice for me?
Konfuzion Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 What you can expect from a 35 year old man in general is someone that knows what he wants in life, he is probably looking for a life partner to settle down with and have kids, he probably has 0 desire to play games. And probably wont be interested in petty bull****. I mean you cant speak for everyone but that is where I am at in life.
Author serialgf Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 thanks so much for the insight. i feel like i am in a similar place in life... i just don't know if this is the right time for me to get in a relationship. he seems afraid to get too close to someone so fast.... so what should i do? forget it? is it possible to be gradual do you think? i really appreciate your input since you are of a similar age (i assume...)
westernxer Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I'm 35 and am in no rush to have a wife and kids. I'm all for monogamy and exclusivity, but beyond that I can't really say. It all depends on how well I click with someone.
sam light Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Turning 35 makes one stop and think about their priorities. If he wants a family he thinks time is running out and may rush you to join him in the quest. At the same time an experianced 35 year old may not totally open up to you until he trusts you more. One thing about ALL artists (or other self employed people), you should make sure he's self supporting and won't be leaning on you for money. "older" guys are often ...well...more mature acting. Women are usually more mature acting than guys their own age so it might be a good match.
All Star Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 35 isn't that far from 28 and no matter how old a guy is, you still have to take 10 years off of him mentally. So really his 25 years old. so what can you expect from a younger man?
Author serialgf Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 thanks for your different point of view westernxer Turning 35 makes one stop and think about their priorities. If he wants a family he thinks time is running out and may rush you to join him in the quest. At the same time an experianced 35 year old may not totally open up to you until he trusts you more. One thing about ALL artists (or other self employed people), you should make sure he's self supporting and won't be leaning on you for money. "older" guys are often ...well...more mature acting. Women are usually more mature acting than guys their own age so it might be a good match. sam light: you bring up some good points. what do you mean by "an experienced 35 year old" mean? his dating past, that i know so far, is that 8 months ago he got out of a 7 year relationship and before that he was in a 5 year relationship. he hasn't been with anyone since 8 months ago and that last relationship was apparently pretty traumatizing for him - she used to beat him up all the time. i also appreciate the input on the income flow... i make decent money in my office job so it is something to consider. he works at a cafe four days a week. he lives in a bit of a shack in the woods. he moved up here from louisiana a few months ago and when he was there he was working as a curator for a museum. he sells his paintings for several hundred to several thousand dollars each but i don't know how many he sells.... are any of these red flags?
Author serialgf Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 35 isn't that far from 28 and no matter how old a guy is, you still have to take 10 years off of him mentally. So really his 25 years old. so what can you expect from a younger man? really? don't you think this is somewhat of an exaggeration? i mean i know guys mature slower but i didn't think they were 10 years behind mentally... all i know is i am pretty over guys my age and definitely guys who are younger than me...
All Star Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 thanks for your different point of view westernxer i also appreciate the input on the income flow... i make decent money in my office job so it is something to consider. he works at a cafe four days a week. he lives in a bit of a shack in the woods. The shack in the wood. That's a big ass red flag.
Author serialgf Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 haha thats funny allstar... or maybe i should be taking you serious. i like his little pad....
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 What you can expect from a 35 year old man in general is someone that knows what he wants in life, he is probably looking for a life partner to settle down with and have kids, he probably has 0 desire to play games. And probably wont be interested in petty bull****. I mean you cant speak for everyone but that is where I am at in life. Um, no. I haven't found this to be the case. Men in their 30's play games too.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 It all depends, but it doesn't sound like you have a man-child on your hands. I'm 31, I'm not looking to jump head first into a relationship but if it happened, I wouldn't resist it. As an artist I tell you that generally we look for companionship an understanding. If he's a painter it's unlikely that he's looking to start breeding right away, he's probably looking to explore the possibilities with you. But be ready fo be monogamous and slow down, at his age he's probably not going to start going to go partying wildly. I'd like to think I'm more tame in my 30s that I would've been in my 20s (had I not been married)
LoveJonesRomance Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Men at all ages can play games. There's no formula existing.
Author serialgf Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 It all depends, but it doesn't sound like you have a man-child on your hands. I'm 31, I'm not looking to jump head first into a relationship but if it happened, I wouldn't resist it. As an artist I tell you that generally we look for companionship an understanding. If he's a painter it's unlikely that he's looking to start breeding right away, he's probably looking to explore the possibilities with you. But be ready fo be monogamous and slow down, at his age he's probably not going to start going to go partying wildly. I'd like to think I'm more tame in my 30s that I would've been in my 20s (had I not been married) thanks rod.... why do you say he's a man-child?
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