Proud of NC

September 29, 2008

Their is no high road, it is just a hard road. The challenge of NC makes us stronger and proves we can live without the other persons caring and presence. That is what this represents.....a test of will, a test of dignity, and mostly...it forces you to have pride in yourself. It is standing up and saying I do not need to contact you to feel good about myself or validate that you still care about me!!

I encourage you to get angry and feel everything. Feel pain. It lets us know that we are human. The easy route is to text or call, or even worse, visit...........thats a quick fix. I heard your voice...guess what, I am still around...."hey ..remember me"....the man you used to love!!!

They remember you!.... man or woman. They have made a choice to not have YOU in thier life. You represented something that they do not want anymore.

Do we want them because we can't have them anymore?! YES! We are human. You had your support system, and now that system has changed.

Let me repeat, that system has changed. You have changed too, you just don't know it yet. Use this forum to help you not contact this person who you think represents your happiness.

1. Detox from whatever spell they have put you under with a healthy dose of NC. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to give in to impulses to contact them. Time marches on!

2. Please stop checking thier facebooks, myspace accounts, ..... don't ask mutual friends what they have heard. Be unseen to them and let them be unseen to you. Exist independently from them. The union was broken by them, let them "win". Embrace the "loss". Good riddance EX............NEXT.......................

3. Use this site to help, or a logical book, or a close friend who cares, or your mom or dad(who have the experience to guide you). Anyone older that you respect can help put things in perspective better for you.

3. Be proud that you are taking the steps to rid yourself of this unhealthy depedency on another person(we are strong and resilient and we have power over our emotions).

4. Give yourself a reality check. Face reality. Guess what! If you keep trying to talk to him/her you are being an escaptist of the worst kind. Face it now, so in your next relationship, you aren't so torn up or weak if/when it ends!!

5. Remember, you are not alone! I am feeling this same awful pain right now, I am coping. I lamented and lamented, called, texted, emailed, ...talled to her, cried to her, Guess what!! It is still over, she doesn't call me or text me or email me. She doesn't want to deal with my pain. She doesn't have to. She ended it, its over. Guess who gets to pick the pieces..........my own pieces. ME! Congratulations, so do you!

6. Be inspired to change. Out of pain. Out of challenging yourself to be independent and not contacting your unloving, unsympathetic, uncaring, EX...........you are slowly climbing a ladder towards being stronger and more mentally fit.

W/B

September 30, 2008

Thats a wonderful wonderful post,what inspired you to write this?

also its a very healthy way of looking at things,its hard,i know NC is and i want to figure ways to break it,but why should i?

like you said,its escapist route! your name suits you,the big rock yorue rolling up the mountain or wherever the myth said is your sticking to NC!

cheers!!

September 30, 2008

The union was broken by them, let them "win". Embrace the "loss". Good riddance EX............NEXT.......................

W/B

I guesss my LTR W/L record is 0-2. Both LTR i have had ended in my ex g/f 's cheating on me and dumping me. lol.

Awsome post man .I wish I woulda read this a year ago.

September 30, 2008

Yea. My ex cheated on my this summer, and then gave me the "I don't want a b/f right now speech.....I need to be single and experience life, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile she is romping around with her "best friend", that she "would never be sexual with.....ever". Sweet. A cheater, a liar, and a heartbreaker. Now she won't talk to me because she has "moved on" and has a new support system from her lover/best friend. Now I have yolk on my face. Awesome. I want my power and my confidence back! I havn't played myself out like a bad blues song in 9 days. I havn't called or texted or emailed in 9days. I havn't sacrificed the shred of dignity I have maintained. I will date other woman!

I will drink some wine!

I'll TRY and be happier and less dependednt.

September 30, 2008

Yea. My ex cheated on my this summer, and then gave me the "I don't want a b/f right now speech.....I need to be single and experience life, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile she is romping around with her "best friend", that she "would never be sexual with.....ever". Sweet. A cheater, a liar, and a heartbreaker. Now she won't talk to me because she has "moved on" and has a new support system from her lover/best friend. Now I have yolk on my face. Awesome. I want my power and my confidence back! I havn't played myself out like a bad blues song in 9 days. I havn't called or texted or emailed in 9days. I havn't sacrificed the shred of dignity I have maintained. I will date other woman!
I will drink some wine!
I'll TRY and be happier and less dependednt.

Ya know. A pimps gotta go through this from time to time. lol,my ex fed me a bunch of BS lines too. " I need to find myself" "I dont know what love is" (after 7 years of telling me she loved me )

She also got her "suport system" . Some guy from work who she said she did not find attractive at all and ended up giving him dome.

Now I can laugh about all that but that wasnt the case 3-4 months ago. She was young and needs to grow up.

September 30, 2008

My ex was young too. 19-21 we dated. I was 26, now I'm 28. Some "friend" she is. She feels so liberated because she can buy booze for her young friends. She was in my "grown-up" world.........which is pretty fun...for a while, now she wants to be "free"..............I guess being with an older guy was stifling for her. She needed to not have me around...its been a while, and I have been in denial for months....I have been opening my eyes slowly. F- this young senseless heartbreaker.......At least I had something fun for a couple years, alot more than other people can say.

They can't take away the good memories....even though they ended up screwing you over. You get those. Those are yours, .............you know what they look like in the shower, or after making love. Chalk it up to experience homey. It could be worse. Alot worse. it could be a divorce! or some other crazy stuff.

September 30, 2008

nc really does help, I am on day 8, fell for the stupid I want to be alone now then a week later crush on a new guy and rubbing it in my face. Initiated no contact but fell because I was to weak finally I decided to do it for good been 8 days nothing from her I guess she really doesn't care, I'm geting to the point of not caring either. Im not cocky but I know she will never find anyone as half as good as m and I hope it hits her with a ton of bricks one day and she calls and my new wife who appreciates everything I do for her Answers LOL.

September 30, 2008

Someone will apreciate you. Period. We get validation from our Ex's.........because that is what we were used to. "Your a good lover baby, your the best", "I only want you babe, no one else", "I can't imagine myself without you". Imagine It B*&^%!!! Cause thats what I am....without you. Actions speak so much louder than words, That's why when we(collectively) pipsqueak to our ex's on the phone saying," how could you do this!, and I thought you loved me!, you are so cruel and mean!....and on and on and on. Whatever you choose to try and make them feel guilty by saying to them....You will notice how distant and dispassionate they are back to you. They don't want to hear it or deal with you anymore! Seriously. My ex is probably getting jack-hammered right now by that dude she left me for(Smiling and loving it).

Ladies and gentleman, our ex's don't leave us because of the baloney sugarcoated stuff they tell us!! They all lie. They found someone new, or want to. simple as that. We are creatures of comfort, and when we are not comfortable, or we are bored. Goodbye Old...hello new.

They want to stand by thier decision and we are no longer part of thier solution..........we are the problem.

They demonize us by focusing on our bad points. They make us feel bad for being who we are by explaining those bad points to us!

What are we pining for? A romanticized memory. thats all

a beautiful chunk of the past.

September 30, 2008

Beautiful post all true to them we were just a new toy and now they got bored and tired of it. I don't want a women who gets bored of me. How dare my ex tell me I did not give her enough attention when I called and txt her like fifty times.

September 30, 2008

Good post.

Stay strong, and earn your dignity back one day at a time.

When you feel weak, don't break NC, just come here and post.

October 1, 2008

Thats what it is about...earn it back. You should try and do something good for yourself(work out, read, etc). But if you can't......just do something! Date some other girls(keep it fun and casual......... who cares if its half-hearted) at least your using half your heart! I don't know, focus on your crappy day job. As John Lennon say, "Whatever gets you through the night"

Here is the important thing though: NO matter how meloncholy you feel, or low, or lonely, or nostalgic, or shaken-up, or horny, or HAPPY.

Don't even think of contacting your ex. You will look like a grade A NEEDY person. "HMMMM................why is the girl/guy that called me almost everyday for years not calling me now?!" SHE/HE DOES NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU AND DEAL WITH YOUR PAIN AND LONGING!

That's the wonderful gift that you get to deal with by yourself(or with the help of some friends or lovers.......or zoloft?!)

whatever. You get to pick up the pieces.

You can ask why?, you can wonder if they miss you too.

They do miss you. Its true. They think about you and get nostalgic too. It is because they are human just like you. The thing is, something in them has turned off toward you(like a faucet). Your faucet is still dripping.

Turn that s*&^ off.

October 1, 2008

I've decided to take the same attitude toward my ex as he has taken toward me. Shut off, cold, and numb. You dont wanna talk to me? Fine, screw you. I'm kicking your a$$ to the curb and not calling you. You dont wanna try? Fine, why should i. No more nostalgia, no more remembering how great it was. Numb. i want to feel nothing toward him anymore.

No more "i wanted to love you" BS on my end. Im PISSED. F*CK YOU ex. You wanna shut me out? Fine. I'm shutting the door on you.

October 2, 2008

I've decided to take the same attitude toward my ex as he has taken toward me. Shut off, cold, and numb. You dont wanna talk to me? Fine, screw you. I'm kicking your a$$ to the curb and not calling you. You dont wanna try? Fine, why should i. No more nostalgia, no more remembering how great it was. Numb. i want to feel nothing toward him anymore.
No more "i wanted to love you" BS on my end. Im PISSED. F*CK YOU ex. You wanna shut me out? Fine. I'm shutting the door on you.

It feels good to say that. Read your old posts that you have written. Because those are places you have been in your head. I am so ANGRY at my ex....I can't even tell you what a scumbag I think she has been about this whole thing. She took the rug and pulled it right out of my feet. I fell DOWN and I asked for her forgivness!! I was saying I was sorry for Bull&^% reasons she found to leave me. She vocalized all this to me to justify her decision(and she was F-ing someone else). Lets get back up Hope. Are you initiating NC right now? How has it been?

October 2, 2008

It feels good to say that. Read your old posts that you have written. Because those are places you have been in your head. I am so ANGRY at my ex....I can't even tell you what a scumbag I think she has been about this whole thing. She took the rug and pulled it right out of my feet. I fell DOWN and I asked for her forgivness!! I was saying I was sorry for Bull&^% reasons she found to leave me. She vocalized all this to me to justify her decision(and she was F-ing someone else). Lets get back up Hope. Are you initiating NC right now? How has it been?

I have been in no contact for 28 days, Sys. This is the second time its gone this long. I did it for a month just after the break up then caved by texting him asking if we could talk. its miserable. its hard. i miss him everyday.

i just wanna be a part of his life again. but i dont wanna be his friend. i dont wanna settle for 2nd best to his buddies, and i dont wanna settle for his crumbs.

i told him how i felt without begging or pleading. at this point, i just want him to miss me enough to try again....but REALLY try. not come back cus hes lonely. but because he wants this to work. the sad thing is, he just may not.

October 2, 2008

I have been in no contact for 28 days, Sys. This is the second time its gone this long. I did it for a month just after the break up then caved by texting him asking if we could talk. its miserable. its hard. i miss him everyday.
i just wanna be a part of his life again. but i dont wanna be his friend. i dont wanna settle for 2nd best to his buddies, and i dont wanna settle for his crumbs.
i told him how i felt without begging or pleading. at this point, i just want him to miss me enough to try again....but REALLY try. not come back cus hes lonely. but because he wants this to work. the sad thing is, he just may not.

At this point he probably won't. I don't know him, nor do I know all the dimensions of why people act like they do , but alot happens in 28 days for the "dumper". Thier new found chosen freedom can be intoxicatingly great for them. We are over here with broken pieces that we are reluctantly sweeping up, and they are having a blast living the single life. They are not mourning this loss! They are rejoicing over thier decision.

It totally sucks to hear that. Trust me, I hate writing it down! I don't want to accept this as much as you don't. I WANT TO WRITE A LONG LETTER WITH PICTURES OF US SMILING ATTACHED. PICS OF OUR OLD APARTMENT AND THE HOLIDAYS WE ENJOYED TOGETHER!

But I am resisiting the impulse to push our past in her face. Thats what you do when you break NC. Your not going to be cool and collected when you call. You are going to be anxious and have a million things to express.......and you are going to be needy and hurt. Seriously. Think of you calling right now! They pick up and realize its you again. "you havn't moved on yet?" I am with my new man/woman and you are still puppy-dogging around after me. Don't feed your ex's ego!! They are already on some sort of cloud after they dumped you(thinking they made this big life-step). When you call them you put them on a pedastal. Are you an indentured servant?

Look at all this pain around you. People with baby daddy's, and people who have been ,married 8 years and got cheated on, and 11 year relationships gone wrong, etc, etc.

Our ex's have put us through months of misery and longing. Good!! Feel this pain, remember what it feels like, embrace it, cry if you have tears left. This is what makes us human. Every day you don't contact this person your threshold for pain grows.

You have let them they hurt you, they don't care.

You have expressed your want for them back, they don't care

They havn't called you in months.

You are wasting your precious time thinking about this Ass-^%$.

October 2, 2008

They do miss you. Its true. They think about you and get nostalgic too. It is because they are human just like you. The thing is, something in them has turned off toward you(like a faucet). Your faucet is still dripping.
Turn that s*&^ off.

Last text I got from him this past Saturday night said, "Relax. You're still one of my favorite people." I've been stressed, and he offered to give me a massage, but I didn't follow up on it. Never any emotional support. Just always offers to give me a massage, since he's a massage therapist. He DOES NOT get to put his hands all over my body for FREE! Haven't heard from him since, and I'm not calling or texting.

I AM NOT CALLING OR TEXTING.

He's seeing someone new. She gave him a hickey. He came to see me with it on his neck. I can't even believe that happened. So tacky. No way I want him in my life. He clearly wanted me out out of his.

October 2, 2008

Came to see you with a hickey. Awful piece of S*&^.

WHat if tomarrow he dumped this girl he was with and said would you like to give this another try. NO!!!!!!! You are on this site for help with coping. Not to encourage hoping. It is corny, but true. I am making a commitment to myself to not contact my ex and take the hard road out of this one. 2-3 years ago I would have. I am not going to ruin my life with mor agony. I feel enough pain with her distance and dis-engaged attitude.....Do I really want more of what that B*&^& has to give.

Tell him to go massage is new girl and leave you alone. He can't have his cake and eat it too. The only way to have the last laugh is just that.....to laugh.

Your loss ex. You dumped me............thank you! I have friends, I have talents, I have the rest of my life without soeone who doesn't really love me. Have fun!

Bon voyage. Dump them in your head.

October 2, 2008

I'm pretty proud of my NC as well. I'm fast approaching my 100 NC day mark and it feels good. However, for some inexplicable reason, I am so angry today. More specifically I'm angry at my ex. I haven't experienced this type of anger before, even after the break up. I was very level headed, accepted the break up and went on with my life. But today, I'm angry with him. I'm angry that he was such a coward for dumping me by email. I'm angry that he robbed me of that participatory part of breaking up (even if it's not a mutual decision). I'm angry that he's so selfish he doesn't give one bit how his actions impact others.

Good for you Sysyphus for sticking to NC.

October 2, 2008

Thank you. It hasn't been long though. I'm angry too! She did it by phone("this isn't working out anymore")

I was in denial for months until I saw her face to face and she lied about sleeping with someone all summer. She is lowdown and dirty. 100 days?! wow. You havn't spoke in 100 days. HAs the person called? geez. you are a hero!

October 3, 2008

Sysyphus, no my ex has not attempted to call me, email me or contact me since I told him I was going NC and taking time for myself. I don't know if we'll ever speak again. I don't know if our paths will ever cross again. I hope that in time, they might. And I hope that in time we can be at least friendly to each other. I think before any of that can happen though, I need to hear at least an apology from him that's sincere and remorseful, that acknowledges that dumping me over email after dating for 5 years is not cool. If a "friend" cannot even do that, than he's not much of a friend.

Stay strong and heal yourself Sys, and remember that you deserve a partner in life that treats you with more respect than your ex did.

October 3, 2008

She certainly wasn't thinking of me on this one. She completely disrupted our lives by moving out of our apt back into a dorm room for her senior year. She has barely talked to me in a month and she was F-ing someone else all summer while she was home. I feel she has completely moved on. WHy can't I?! Why do I still affectionately think of her like she is a good person!

WHy do I want to call her, What the hell is their to talk about......?

geez

does anyone have an answer

October 3, 2008

She certainly wasn't thinking of me on this one. She completely disrupted our lives by moving out of our apt back into a dorm room for her senior year. She has barely talked to me in a month and she was F-ing someone else all summer while she was home. I feel she has completely moved on. WHy can't I?! Why do I still affectionately think of her like she is a good person!
WHy do I want to call her, What the hell is their to talk about......?
geez
does anyone have an answer

Becaue you still have feelings for her. They dont' vanish overnight my friend. Even though her actions have been downright poor, it takes time to let go of what you feel for her.

Rationally you may know that it's over and you couldn't go back to what you had, especially in light of her actions, but your emtionally side is still rebelling. It just takes time, and distance.

October 6, 2008

Posting on threads has helped me so much to overcome the impulses to contact my ex and reduce my dignity by ten fold. Caliguy/rogue/hope...........all of your threads are supportive and insightful. I would have contacted my ex like a doormat a week ago if it wasn't for reading everybody's daily encouragement. Writing her out of my life like she wrote me out of hers is a big step in me being happy.

Whenever I doubt myself.....which is often, and I want to call her/or txt her some sappy self-depreciating nonsense, I hold my head up high and I remember how she balled up everything we had and threw it directly in the garbage.

No more digging through the garbage!

I chased her all summer, apoligizing for stuff I didn't even know I did............she came home, and I was so needy.....it is embarassing to think about right now.

I have been in NC in early sept and I broke, thier was a week of drama and bull*** that I wouldn't re-hash if you gave me 10,000 dollars!

I am going to beat this urge and this "natural" reaction to contact her...........and I will post here until I do.

October 6, 2008

Sys, it sounds like you are having a rough day. Good that you are posting here. Don’t beat yourself up about the past and how you handled the break up over the summer. Focus on what you are doing today that is better and what you will continue to do in the future. There is a lot of great advice and positive tools in these forums that will help you learn to cope better. I have marked some of my favorite threads from No Foolin’ and CaliGuy and reread them when I need a swift dose of reality.

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering or a negative relationship because it is familiar. Something happened in opposition to your wishes and you can’t change it. The issue is, in the present moment, what can you do to suffer less?

Think about what is going on when you really miss your ex or want to contact her– take cues from your body and life and see what changes you can make. For example, when I am hungry or haven’t been eating properly, I start to feel down and I often start missing the ex. If I eat regularly and healthily, I am able to better cope.

Also, how did the martial arts class go? If you haven’t joined yet – go today (or this week whenever it starts)! Stay strong. It will get better if you let it.

October 6, 2008

if I didn't find this site I'd still be begging writing poems etc., every day is still hard but when I reach the end of the nght it's the best feeling like yay another day I did it. My ex MSG me yesterday after yelling me basically to get lost etc. I almost wrote back but I didn't no way I'm I giving up no contact. Whenever I feel like contacting I read Cali guys guide it's my lifesaver

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