Rafa Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I was dumped about a month ago. (Relationship was 1 year + 8 months long). I'm actually doing pretty well, but I'm not yet over it. I've initiated NC, and it helps a lot. I'm up and down, but get lonely. Lately I've been very tempted to contact previous ex-girlfriends. Two in particular. Ex-girlfriend #1: The Love Of My Life. Full explanation here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t121965/ This girl could easily handle seeing me again, she is as strong as an ox. I just feel that since I've always thought of her as the Love of my life, maybe I should face her once and for all, and get it out of my system. Ex-girlfriend #2: A girl I went out with after ex-girlfriend #1 and before my latest ex-girlfriend. She is an awesome person and we have been emailing lately. She said I broke her heart but now she is completely over it. I just think she would make a great friend now that the dust has settled. Is it selfish? Am I just looking for comfort? I admit I'm lonely, and I want to be around girls who I am comfortable with. Could this be a bad idea? I'm not sure, what do you guys think? Has anyone else done this?
Steelrain21 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Just be really honest with yourself and think about what you actually want. Are you wanting to get into contact with these exes because you want to have a new friend in your life? Maybe you're hoping by getting into contact you might be able to spark up an old relationship. I would say that it depends on how you feel about your exes and how those relationships ended. If there's any part of you that is hoping something more than friends comes from it then I would advise not to. You're at a lonely stage right now and probably vulnerable which would be devastating if you took another blow to the heart.
sunshinegirl Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I got back in touch with my ex-ex when my current ex dumped me. Yes, there was a sense of comfort there - ex-ex knew me really well and could console me (platonically!) in ways that really helped. I no longer have any romantic feelings for ex-ex, though about a month ago he told me he still had feelings for me. Awk-ward...
northstar1 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I was dumped about a month ago. (Relationship was 1 year + 8 months long). I'm actually doing pretty well, but I'm not yet over it. I've initiated NC, and it helps a lot. I'm up and down, but get lonely. Lately I've been very tempted to contact previous ex-girlfriends. Two in particular. Ex-girlfriend #1: The Love Of My Life. Full explanation here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t121965/ This girl could easily handle seeing me again, she is as strong as an ox. I just feel that since I've always thought of her as the Love of my life, maybe I should face her once and for all, and get it out of my system. Ex-girlfriend #2: A girl I went out with after ex-girlfriend #1 and before my latest ex-girlfriend. She is an awesome person and we have been emailing lately. She said I broke her heart but now she is completely over it. I just think she would make a great friend now that the dust has settled. Is it selfish? Am I just looking for comfort? I admit I'm lonely, and I want to be around girls who I am comfortable with. Could this be a bad idea? I'm not sure, what do you guys think? Has anyone else done this? Have you seen "High Fidelity"? This is what the John Cusack character does when his gf leaves him. He contacts his 5 ex's, to look for answers on why things ended with his last gf.
Steelrain21 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I no longer have any romantic feelings for ex-ex, though about a month ago he told me he still had feelings for me. Awk-ward... That's usually how it goes and why friendships after relationships don't usually work.
CaliGuy Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I don't think contacting one ex to discuss current ex problems is a good idea. You're never going to get a completely unbiased opinion. And really, isn't that like using gasoline to put out a fire?!
sunshinegirl Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I don't think contacting one ex to discuss current ex problems is a good idea. This is probably true. I thought I was in the clear with the ex-ex because we were NC for over a year and he had been the one to ultimately break things off!
pandagirl Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Ex-GF #1: doesn't sound like it could turn into a friendship. Ex-GF #2: Sure, why not? You don't have to be best buds, but you could be on friendly terms!
Author Rafa Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 I don't think contacting one ex to discuss current ex problems is a good idea. You're never going to get a completely unbiased opinion. And really, isn't that like using gasoline to put out a fire?! I hear that, but in the case of Ex-girlfriend #1, I wouldn't even mention my current ex. With Ex-girlfriend #2, she's already helped me a lot with the current drama, through emails. Truth is I don't want to see them to discuss this subject. With Ex-girlfriend #1, I want to see how I feel about her after all this time. Thanks for your responses guys!
Steelrain21 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Ultimately the choice is yours but I think you may be taking a big risk. What if you realize that after all this time that you still have feelings for ex#1? If she doesn't feel the same you will be making yourself incredibly more miserable.
NYGal Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I say go for it. What if #1 is the one? For me, not knowing is far worse than getting a negative response.
nopainnogain Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Is it selfish? Am I just looking for comfort? I admit I'm lonely, and I want to be around girls who I am comfortable with. dont confuse loneliness with boredom.
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