Has anyone every been pregnant by a MM?

[DealingWDrama]

I'm asking this very personal question to see what the results of the pregnancy were for other people.

[SmarterNow]

Hi Dealing with Drama..

 

I became pregnant by a married man at the age of 30..here's my story..

 

I dated a man from my work ( different departments), who told me upfront (first date), that he was still legally married - his wife and 3 year old son lived in a different state. They had separated after years of turmoil, and loss of love, according to him. I had recently gotten out of a relationship, and looking back now, I think I was a little naive and also on the rebound. We dated for 6 months, and progressed very fast. I never considered myself to be having an affair. My friends and family knew I was seeing someone who was separated ( they did not exactly approve, of course). But he assured me, yes, he was separated, yes he was intending to divorce. The fact that his wife lived in another state did reassure me...

 

Well, one night he dropped a bombshell on me, he had decided to move to this other state, to live closer to his son. According to him, being away from his son was tearing him apart. I was crushed, but I understood. We agreed to keep in contact and see where the relationship went. He promised he was not moving there to reconcile with his wife. ( at this point I started having doubts.)

 

Well, two weeks after he left, I found out I was pregnant. He acted happy, and we talked about my moving there for us to be together. But..then he started acting weird, gradually. Seems he was "staying" with his wife and son, while "looking" for a place to live. To make a long story short, they were reconciled, and he didnt know how to tell me. He said (and still maintains this) that he was only there for his son, but it didn't matter why.

 

Needless to say, my pregnancy was a nightmare. I was devastated, humiliated, heartbroken. etc. But I did let him go. I wouldnt dream of acting as this woman is doing, in your situation. I went to counseling, and got through it. I really had to lean on my family and friends, which was hard for me, because I 've always been an independent person.

 

My daughter is 4 years old now, and she's beautiful . I've NEVER regretted having her, but I do regret the way it happened. I regret not being able to enjoy my pregnancy, which is supposed to be the happiest time in a woman's life. Instead, I was filled with anxiety, and sadness, barely able to eat or plan for the baby.

 

And, I regret how much my ex's wife was hurt. She REALLY had a hard time accepting this. It seems she never wanted the separation, much less a divorce. My ex comes to see our daughter every 3 months or so, and it goes well ( we still live in different states). He has put his wife through hell, with all of this. She has never met our daughter, as their marriage is very unstable and he doesnt feel it should happen unless their marriage improves. yes, she and I are civil, and she even sends gifts to my daughter. ( which make me feel guilty and sad) Regardless of what happens in their marriage, she wants to eventually meet us, because my daughter and her son are half siblings. But, he always travels here without her. As you can see from reading this, my ex-MM is somewhat selfish to say the least. I think his wife deserves much better, but I'm stuck in a difficult position, because I don't want my daughter ever knowing the pain of not having a "daddy".

 

He has turned out to be a good father to my daughter though. ( as much as one can be, from another state). When he is not here, he calls her almost every day. Which is not to say I completely trust him. He has asked me before if I would ever give him another chance, if his marriage didnt work out. But I've let go of that idea. As far as child support goes, I decided against filing, because I felt it wasnt fair to his wife/son. My daughter definitely gets everything she needs from me. Eventually my ex MM started giving me money on his own, without me asking, and we get along well as friends. ( just to make things easier).

 

So..I learned the hard way, it's not okay to date a "separated" man. Until the divorce is final, you just don't know what will happen. NEVER AGAIN!! My stupidity caused me more stress and pain than I could imagine..

 

Best of luck to you..and I hope your marriage works out.

[DealingWDrama]

Thank you for sharing your story with me.

[SmarterNow]

You're welcome, and for what it's worth it seems like you are handling your situation very well. Once you get some answers it will get easier, I'm sure.