Survived a "Drive-By"

[stampdaddy]

As some of you know, it's been a very hard couple of weeks, where my "relationship" ended with what I thought and had hoped was the love of my life. Instead, I just became an affair of over 4 years... And after anpther conversation with BS and then a follow up email to him for "closure" and a letter to her as well saying "it's over" and some things that were "personal" that can't be taken back, I actually felt better about moving forward...

 

FRIDAY NIGHT: about 6:45 I am out in the front yard throwing the football with my son. It is "my weekend", when I look up the street and in the cul-de-sac, it's HER.. Doing a "drive by"..

 

At first, my heart jumped. So, I slapped it back in place.. She left.. So now my mind starts going nuts. WHY??? I spent all night tossing and turning as to what the situation was. What was this about? Here are my thoughts:

• It was Friday night, and she was "checking on me" to see if it WAS my weekend with my son, OR was I "out" moving on, picking up some hood rats at a bar (which IS NOT my style)
  
• was she coming by to get some of her "stuff" that she had brought over "for the divorce", which is about $30-50 with of dish detergent, shampoo, batteries, spices etc... But NO, it couldnt be that. If it was, I would have been SO pissed off, AND I would have called her husband right in front of her, and she KNOWS this..
  
• did she come by to "talk" but saw that my son was here. So she left.. SOunded good to me at first, but then it seems that by now, I would have heard from her again. Maybe not..
  
• Was she "out of the house" for the weekend, and it was too early to go to a friends to stay and was just "driving around"? WHo knows
  
• Was it even her?? Well, same white van, same 2 stickers in the rear window, same round, white antenna ball etc.. AND, not too many white vans, with the same 2 stickers in the rear window, same round, and with a white antenna ball would be pulling into this particular cul-de-sac and turn around real slowly, so yes, it was her...
  

The bottom line is, I am human, and my mind was working. HOWEVER, my heart was out to lunch.. I AM glad she didnt stop by, and I am glad there was NOT a scene

[DealingWDrama]

Why do you still have the stuff that belonged to her in your house - give yourself some further closer and trash that stuff...just an idea...

[Owl]

Gotta agree with DWD...get rid of that stuff. No reason to hold onto stuff like that, it just sets your mind back when you come across it.

 

Here's a question...if you didn't see the driver...could it have been her H?

 

She may have been "out" on Friday night...so perhaps HE did a drive by, wondering if she was at your place.

 

Its possible...affairs breed paranoia.

 

Regardless...glad it didn't escalate into something more. I'd suggest if you see her van there again...call her H...let him know. Let HIM deal with her acting like an idiot. It keeps it from escalating on you.

 

Hope the rest of your weekend went well!

[stampdaddy]

Why do you still have the stuff that belonged to her in your house - give yourself some further closer and trash that stuff...just an idea...

It's only been 2 weeks.. I didnt want to make any "rash" moves based on emotion. It is boxed up and in the back of a closet.. I am not "storing it" for her, that is for sure.. I did run out of dryer sheets over the weekend, so I cracked open a "new box":cool:

[stampdaddy]

Gotta agree with DWD...get rid of that stuff. No reason to hold onto stuff like that, it just sets your mind back when you come across it.

 

Here's a question...if you didn't see the driver...could it have been her H?

 

She may have been "out" on Friday night...so perhaps HE did a drive by, wondering if she was at your place.

 

Its possible...affairs breed paranoia.

 

Regardless...glad it didn't escalate into something more. I'd suggest if you see her van there again...call her H...let him know. Let HIM deal with her acting like an idiot. It keeps it from escalating on you.

 

Hope the rest of your weekend went well!

Well, It is not his style to do that.. and SHE drives the van.. anyway, I have stopped thinking about the "whats, whos, whys" and it is not bothering me.. It actually pisses me off. AND, I bet it is because I said that I don't want her anymore, and I wold her in my letter that the last time I saw her face, she was looking straight into my eyes, being what she IS: a liar.. SO, her being thrown away by me, surely doesnt feel good and hopefully she is feeling the brunt of that too..

 

And YES, my weekend was fabulous.. We won our football game 40-0 and my son scored his very first touchdown!! QB keeper up the middle!

[Owl]

THAT'S AWESOME!!!! Glad to hear that about your son...rock on, SD!!!!

[superd]

It sounds like you can be a little out of control and your wife doesn't trust you. Are you sure you aren't picking up hoodrats? Do me a favor, if you do, don't ever bring them around your son!

[DealingWDrama]

SD you're smart to not make decisions based on emotions - I was just suggesting you get rid of the clutter to give yourself true closure...

[stampdaddy]

it sounds like you can be a little out of control and your wife doesn't trust you. Are you sure you aren't picking up hoodrats? Do me a favor, if you do, don't ever bring them around your son!

huh????????

[stampdaddy]

SD you're smart to not make decisions based on emotions - I was just suggesting you get rid of the clutter to give yourself true closure...

 

It's a process, as "we" built a "home" around "us". Which I HAVE dismantled.. There is not one thing that is in sight of HER.. All boxed up, and has been moved from one spot to another and maybe to another. The next "move" is to the dump.. things are in movement, and thanks for the advice...

[winter]

when I look up the street and in the cul-de-sac, it's HER.. Doing a "drive by"..

 

That's just plain creepy!

 

Is your son young? Did he see this? If he did, consider explaining to him how inappropriate it was for her to do that. A child should not have to worry about who is watching him and his parent when outside playing.

[stampdaddy]

That's just plain creepy!

 

Is your son young? Did he see this? If he did, consider explaining to him how inappropriate it was for her to do that. A child should not have to worry about who is watching him and his parent when outside playing.

 

He did not see her.. and she, for what it is worth, knows better than to show up while he is here... I didnt think it was "creepy", just damn sad...

[Lookingforward]

huh????????

 

Some posters are so keen to post they don't actually read the backstories

 

Have to say a 'driveby' in a culdesac isn't exactly undercover LOL

[stampdaddy]

Some posters are so keen to post they don't actually read the backstories

 

Have to say a 'driveby' in a culdesac isn't exactly undercover LOL

The cul-de-sac is about 300 yards away, when you first pull into my neighborhood.. so, my thinking is was that she was actually coming here, but saw me throwing a football with my son, and immediately turned into the cul-de-sac.. She didnt bet that I would actually "see" her... BUT!

[winter]

Does she have an obsessive personality? Or do you think it's purely a response to having her ego hurt?

 

Years ago I had to deal with an ex (female) who wouldn't let go. It started with drive-bys and escalated from there.

 

Are you getting hang-ups on your answering machine? Is she showing up where she knows she can find you? (workplace, coffee shops, etc)

[whichwayisup]

It sounds like you can be a little out of control and your wife doesn't trust you. Are you sure you aren't picking up hoodrats? Do me a favor, if you do, don't ever bring them around your son!

 

He isn't married, he's talking about his exMW.

 

The cul-de-sac is about 300 yards away, when you first pull into my neighborhood.. so, my thinking is was that she was actually coming here, but saw me throwing a football with my son, and immediately turned into the cul-de-sac.. She didnt bet that I would actually "see" her... BUT!

 

I think that is what happened.

[stampdaddy]

Does she have an obsessive personality? Or do you think it's purely a response to having her ego hurt?

 

Years ago I had to deal with an ex (female) who wouldn't let go. It started with drive-bys and escalated from there.

 

Are you getting hang-ups on your answering machine? Is she showing up where she knows she can find you? (workplace, coffee shops, etc)

 

I dont know whether she has a obsessive personality. I do know she always has her "hands on the wheel", in most if not all regards of her life, but this is by design.. She is a mother and runs a household, all of the kids scheduling etc.. As far as I go, I am sure it is sinking in that she lost me.. and she did love me.. I am not getting calls, as she can't call really, she is not going to be traceable for still being in contact with me.. I work from home, so this is the only spot to try to find me.. I am SURE that she will do it again, but again, it will more than likely be because she wants to "talk"

[whichwayisup]

it will more than likely be because she wants to "talk"

 

What is there to talk about? She wants to "talk" TO you, not talk "with" you. It won't resolve anything except maybe put HER mind at rest. The talking isn't to help you understand, or for her to give you closure. There is no point in talking anymore as it is over.

[sam light]

After the 1st long-term GF of my adult life broke up with me, I did a drive-by. I was heartbroken and insane with pain. I didn't want to see her i just wanted to gather any info that would magically help me put everything together and win her back. Crazy

 

When I reached her street I felt like the biggest creep ever I turned around and left.

 

I'm trying to say the driver may not even understand why she did it. And her plans may have changed the second she saw you.

[stampdaddy]

What is there to talk about? She wants to "talk" TO you, not talk "with" you. It won't resolve anything except maybe put HER mind at rest. The talking isn't to help you understand, or for her to give you closure. There is no point in talking anymore as it is over.

 

I agree... what is there to say to me? IF she showed up to talk, I would allow it. On my front porch with my phone in hand.. I would let her spew whatever venom, or shower whatever "love" she felt that she needed to.. I would be like a corpse in my behavior and it would NOT matter as my reply would be, "thanks for stopping by, it was nice seeing you again, now get the f**k off my porch and do not come back.. "

[stampdaddy]

After the 1st long-term GF of my adult life broke up with me, I did a drive-by. I was heartbroken and insane with pain. I didn't want to see her i just wanted to gather any info that would magically help me put everything together and win her back. Crazy

 

When I reached her street I felt like the biggest creep ever I turned around and left.

 

I'm trying to say the driver may not even understand why she did it. And her plans may have changed the second she saw you.

 

maybe so.. I wont know, I guess, and I am resolved to not, as OWL always says, "giving a hoot!"

[Owl]

I agree... what is there to say to me? IF she showed up to talk, I would allow it. On my front porch with my phone in hand.. I would let her spew whatever venom, or shower whatever "love" she felt that she needed to.. I would be like a corpse in my behavior and it would NOT matter as my reply would be, "thanks for stopping by, it was nice seeing you again, now get the f**k off my porch and do not come back.. "

 

Phone in hand? With her H on speakerphone? Seems like the only way to force a change to me.

[LakesideDream]

It's only been 2 weeks.. I didnt want to make any "rash" moves based on emotion. It is boxed up and in the back of a closet.. I am not "storing it" for her, that is for sure.. I did run out of dryer sheets over the weekend, so I cracked open a "new box":cool:

 

 

Stamp, put some tape on those boxes, label them and take them to the post office. Spend the money to send them accross town to your EX. That will send a powerful message. It says that you are living your own life and that she needs to live hers.

 

All these little games are tedious and beneath you. Stop playing. It's only a game if two participate. If/when one person continues alone they just become desperate, and pitiful.

 

Don't be nasty or sarcastic, just be firm. Sooner or later she will realize that you are not a player in the game. You are serious about your life.

[White Flower]

Stamp, put some tape on those boxes, label them and take them to the post office. Spend the money to send them accross town to your EX. That will send a powerful message. It says that you are living your own life and that she needs to live hers.

 

All these little games are tedious and beneath you. Stop playing. It's only a game if two participate. If/when one person continues alone they just become desperate, and pitiful.

 

Don't be nasty or sarcastic, just be firm. Sooner or later she will realize that you are not a player in the game. You are serious about your life.

I agree with Lakey. Let her know it is over. I think her H will like the message as well.

[Reggie]

What's to survive? Blow it off.