ed-205 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 First, the Weird... It's been 20 years since my ex left, and I've been a full-time single parent of our 2 kids for most of that time as she offered little in the way of support or contact with them. In the meantime, I eventually moved the kids and myself 2500 miles away, got some education, a good job, and bought the house I never thought I would be able to own. Both the kids are doing well as far as their own lives go, and in retrospect there is nothing that I regret, even though I never found anyone else. I simply did the best I could with what I had. During this same period of time, my ex got remarried, divorced, and has moved in and out with several other men. She currently has 4 children to 2 different men (in addition to the 2 that lived with me), and has changed addresses many times, occasionally moving back with her parents in between. A few years ago, she claimed she wanted to see the kids again, and flew out for a 3 day visit. I let her sleep on the sofa during her stay. I remember looking at her then, and thinking that if we had just met for the first time during her visit, I wouldn't have been even slightly interested in her, but if we had stayed together there was no doubt in my mind that I would have loved her as much as I did the day we were married, (No, I don't want her back!) Now, for the Unexpected... My sons have maintained contact with their Step-sister all this time, just today one of them had been talking to her on the phone. She told him that 3 times over the past few months she asked her Mom why she left me, and every time she gets the same answer... "Mind your own business!", she says, then locks herself in the bedroom and cries. I take no Schadenfreud in this, in fact I feel pretty bad about it. I was hoping that she at least would find happiness on her own. I can't believe she responds that way after 20 years have passed, it certainly didn't seem to bother her when she left.
Peter_pan Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 she seems to have regretted her decision, but only this far down the road. sorry to hear that man, you sound happy though good for you
Rafa Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 That could mean so many different things. Having 6 children with three different men is probably tough. Perhaps she regrets leaving you because she would've had so much more stability, love and security in her life had she stayed. Or perhaps when she saw you she realized the important things about a partner that you possess were not priorities to her all of those years ago when she was young and foolish. It's a sad story. Whenever I have been dumped I always feel a sense of satisfaction to hear later that the person regretted it. The wheel always turns, but unfortunately it almost almost turns too slowly, and it is way too late.
gd26 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 It may or may not be about feelings for you. She may just be feeling a huge burden of guilt when her daughter brings up the fact that her mother left you and her kids.... it may make your exwife feel a great deal of shame being confronted of this by her daughter, as she knows that 'good' spouses and mothers aren't supposed to just run off like that. It's bad enough to leave your spouse, and much worse to leave your own kids. Obviously she knows this... but having her daughter bring it up doesn't allow her to forget about what she did, and instead just throws it in her face. It could be that she still feels guilty for what she did to you and your children 20 years ago, and that may eat at her self-esteem.
Author ed-205 Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 Upon hearing about her reactions, I feel neither satisfaction nor guilt. I just feel bad that she reacts the way she does, for whatever reason. She has caused *herself* more suffering and pain than I ever could have if I'd pulled every cruel and in-compassionate trick in the book on her... a second divorce, abusive boyfriends, kids in trouble, unmanageable debt. etc... I think possibly her visit a few years back was simply to satisfy her own curiosity to see for herself if I had actually managed to acquire all the things we couldn't afford to even dream about when we were together, and that may be as much a reason as any. She always doubted me and my abilities, even though I told her there was always a "method to my madness", and that I always had a plan. Maybe now she sees I was telling her the truth.
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