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Posted

I don't really know why I am making this topic. I'm just trying to cope with things. My girlfriend and I recently split, and so I am feeling empty. It's that same sort of emptiness I felt two years ago when my previous ex and I had broken up.

 

Even though this relationship was an arguably unhealthy one, I can't stand these feelings of loneliness. I wish I wasn't so dependent on love. Even though I knew I was only sticking out the relationship for the sake of having someone, I always used to think it was better than being alone.

 

Now, I honestly don't know which is worse. I'm alone now and, even though I have friends, I have a rather small group because I've put so much time and energy into relationships instead of strengthening bonds with other people.

 

Life only gets harder after college, and I'm not looking forward to that. I crave intimacy and support... and I always looked to relationships for those things. Now that I lack the relationship, I feel directionless and empty.

Posted

they say that good things happen when you least expect it.

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Posted

I was really hoping on graduating with her and then making life after college work out, in my own sort of twisted ideal outcome... even though I fully understand that it was likely a very bad idea.

 

I absolutely hate how the brain and heart can reach totally different conclusions, and I hate that I always let the heart override the mind. What's even worse is that I came to my college as one of the top students in the country. I've let a lot of academic potential slip as a result of this constant love-pursuit. Ever since I started having serious relationships, I've become lovedrunk... it's like something I have to have now, and I'm somehow willing to sacrifice so many other things for it, including my academic career.

 

Things happen when you aren't looking for those things because, in those situations, you're focusing on yourself. I wish I could honestly do that and be okay with it. But the truth is is that I want a woman so badly in my life. I need that love, intimacy, and intellectual connection. Without it, I don't really know what to do with my life. Things just feel so much more profound and fulfilling when I am sharing them with someone special.

Posted

What I suggest... take the GMAT, get into graduate school. Honestly right now the job market sucks. Also, you'll make friends within your cohort; your cohort will be your group of friends and contacts. Just don't date within your own cohort.

 

The semester just started, so go out and have fun!

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Posted

Problem is so few people from Wharton immediately jump into Grad School -- they work for a few years and go back for an MBA if needed. My GPA has fallen so much lower than what it could have been :/

Posted

You have about 1 year left so get the GPA. I'll try to build more bonds this year because quite honestly, I still talk to my friends from college and graduate school. These friends/bonds will be your connection to jobs in additional to being an alum. ;)

Posted

Just watch, you will have many girls who will act as your "confidante" and "friend" in college. They will teach you about what girls really want and need. Just don't sleep with them unless they make the first move, which is not likely, but possible depending on what guy you choose to become. Some guys do after all like the "handmaiden" thing. Oh and one thing, save yourself from the pain of joining a fraternity, but if you choose then pick a very "cool" one. Don't pick the one that selects you, select it, much safer idea.

 

Signing off, D.

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Posted

Even so I just don't know a whole lot of people... I mean most of my friends are actually in the year below me. It's not like I have loads of connections I can tap for a job after college.

Posted

I gotta say that just about every detail of your story reminds me of myself. I find myself recently single without a lot of friends either. It's hard, but you have to really learn how to train your brain to focus on yourself. Try spending your time on school, working out, and other things that will improve your life. Maybe think of it as making yourself better for the future for when you do end up meeting a girl that will appreciate you. That's what I do and it helps a little.

Posted

It has to be. You really have to make things about you now. Trust me, let me share this little ditty of how I put myself on hold and now, about 7 years later have to rebuild everything.

 

I started dating this kid when I was 18. I moved to NYC to go to school making us 2 hours apart. Regardless, we went through with the relationship (except for Jr year which- I might as well have been in the relationship because all I did was mourn it) meaning instead of loving NYC like a young girl should, I was packing weekend bags and bussing it home every Friday. Anyway fast forward- I moved back home for him mostly and "other reasons". We moved in together and then at 23 we broke up (I will spare the details but it was awful, sad-romantic novel awful).

 

Like you I longed for a relationship, because that is what I'm used to? maybe?

 

So I started dating another fella quickly after. Before I could blink I was in another relationship. This one was pretty toxic, a lot of breaking up, making up. I was getting something out of it. "Something" not being the best thing.

 

I didn't realize it at the time but, by being with him I didn't have to concentrate on myself. I concentrated on the relationship and it's abnormalities and how I was going to fix them. That was my purpose. That was what I became.

 

2 years later I realized that this relationship was really broken and I didn't have the energy to work at it anymore. I, yes me, I called it off for good. Now I am lonely and terrified. Most the time I want to call him and be back in the relationship because, that is what is easy/ normal for me. Being in a broken relationship that takes all my time and energy to make work, is my normal.

 

Now alone I have to look at the life that I put on hold for 7 years and fix it. That is scary as hell. It sucks. However, I am 25 and everyday I remind myself : if I go back into that broken relationship or a new broken relationship for another 2 years before I fix myself, it will be another 2 years of damage control. It will be another 2 years that I can't get back.

 

 

So my advice is to to look at yourself, face the things you need to fix instead of hiding in a relationship. Once you fix your gpa and feel good about yourself, you have yourself on track, and have friends to care about- then worry about starting another relationship. Hell that doesn't mean you can't casually date people. Have fun and take care of yourself first.

 

You are the only person you have to answer to everyday, so be proud of what you do for yourself.

 

;)

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Posted

The problem is, is that I am into my senior year of college. I can only boost my GPA so much more at this point. It just feels like I'm running out of time, and instead of enjoying college like I should have, I spent all this time trying to make relationships work out even if I knew that they were more or less flawed.

 

I almost felt like I was reading about myself, when reading your post. The "norm" for me is not a healthy one, either.

 

Loneliness is a real killer for me... I feel like I go crazy whenever I'm lonely.

Posted

Loneliness is such an awful feeling BUT i do belive that we compound ourselves in the fact that we feel lonely as so it makes the feeling worse!

 

You were so right to end that unhealthy R, I know you feel lonely now but it is one thing feeling lonely when you are alone to feeling lonely when you are in a relationship!

 

You really need to put yourself out there and make things happen for yourself hon, it may sound easier said than done but when I split from my ex I surrounded myself with as many people as I could and tried to keep positive thoughts in my head

 

When you feel really bad, just think about the bad points with your ex and smile and know that you dont have to deal with that anymore

 

You wont be lonely forever but you do need to work out why you need to be with someone to feel validated

  • Author
Posted

I know exactly why I need validation. It'd require a fairly lengthy post, but I definitely know where it stems from.

 

Regardless, getting out there and meeting new people is hard for me to do even though I know it's a good course of action. Sigh, lol.

Posted

I think you should start the long thread on why you are needy

 

I think that needs addressing more than anything and you may get good help

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