NYGal Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Since I haven't posted here before I will give a bit of back story. I had been with my ex for 9 months, but since the end of the first month, we have practically be living together. He stayed here 5 or 6 nights a week. I should also say that he has two children that I spent a lot of time with, and grew very fond of. We spent at least one weekend night with his kids and usually a few nights during the week, going places, having them come to my families houses, etc. The four of us even went away a week before our breakup. It wasn't the best weekend, b/c i had become increasingly unhappy in the relationship. He never put in what he took. I was generous to a fault. Money was a bit of an issue for him, he liked to blame it on the fact that he had to pay child support, and that he also spent so much money on his children doing things, but the reality was more that he was not very good with his money and kept buying expensive items that he would tire of, sell, and buy something else, losing money most of the time. He also complained A LOT about how much he had to work (OT and days off) and how he was always tired, so he always got out of planning dates for us and taking me out, b/c I would feel bad and cook dinner. I would bring up that I wanted him to treat me special once in a while, but he never did. The only times we ever went out was with his children. There was good, he could be quite sweet and affectionate, but that dissipated when he was stressed out, which seemed to all the time at the end. Ok, so I know I am better off, he wasn't giving me what I needed, and I knew enough to tell him that I wasn't happy. He finally admitted to me that he could not give me what I need, so we said goodbye. It's hard, but at least I know, right. I honestly don't think he is capable of real love, and I think he knows it too b/c he told me this was the healthiest relationship he had ever been in. But then last night I see him walking & holding hands with a woman just 3 weeks after this. I was so dumbfounded. I know i shouldn't be surprised, but it felt like I was punched in the gut that it could have meant so little to him. I (and my family/friends) are trying to talk sense into me that it about him needing validation. I don't want him back, it's not about that, but I wanted to believe that I at least meant something to him, and that he is suffering at least as much as I am. I hope I didn't ramble too much and this makes sense. thanks for reading!
lofi_tokyo Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Heya NYgal, I can kinda relate to how you're feeling. I was in a relationship that I knew wasn't going to last. Maybe someday it would work out, but at the time it was not working. My ex became detached from me, but instead of just breaking things off, he found a new girl. I can totally relate to the feeling of being like... feeling a bit hurt by your man finding someone new so quickly. Didn't we mean something to these men? How can they move on so hastily? Its surprising. Oh well, who needs em? ;p
superd Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 What's up with all this cheating in the world. I blame it all on the internet. I am going to find myself a "devout" Catholic girl for obvious reasons.
9Lives Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Since I haven't posted here before I will give a bit of back story. I had been with my ex for 9 months, but since the end of the first month, we have practically be living together. He stayed here 5 or 6 nights a week. I should also say that he has two children that I spent a lot of time with, and grew very fond of. We spent at least one weekend night with his kids and usually a few nights during the week, going places, having them come to my families houses, etc. The four of us even went away a week before our breakup. It wasn't the best weekend, b/c i had become increasingly unhappy in the relationship. He never put in what he took. I was generous to a fault. Money was a bit of an issue for him, he liked to blame it on the fact that he had to pay child support, and that he also spent so much money on his children doing things, but the reality was more that he was not very good with his money and kept buying expensive items that he would tire of, sell, and buy something else, losing money most of the time. He also complained A LOT about how much he had to work (OT and days off) and how he was always tired, so he always got out of planning dates for us and taking me out, b/c I would feel bad and cook dinner. I would bring up that I wanted him to treat me special once in a while, but he never did. The only times we ever went out was with his children. There was good, he could be quite sweet and affectionate, but that dissipated when he was stressed out, which seemed to all the time at the end. Ok, so I know I am better off, he wasn't giving me what I needed, and I knew enough to tell him that I wasn't happy. He finally admitted to me that he could not give me what I need, so we said goodbye. It's hard, but at least I know, right. I honestly don't think he is capable of real love, and I think he knows it too b/c he told me this was the healthiest relationship he had ever been in. But then last night I see him walking & holding hands with a woman just 3 weeks after this. I was so dumbfounded. I know i shouldn't be surprised, but it felt like I was punched in the gut that it could have meant so little to him. I (and my family/friends) are trying to talk sense into me that it about him needing validation. I don't want him back, it's not about that, but I wanted to believe that I at least meant something to him, and that he is suffering at least as much as I am. I hope I didn't ramble too much and this makes sense. thanks for reading! I can relate. I just got out of something similar about a week ago. It is all about him. If I was you, I would totally stay away. He only cares about himself. Just walk away. Dont chase in all that.....this relationship was not fulfilling to you. keep that in mind. the worst thing you can do now is keep up with his every move. Dont do it to yourself. My ex sent me this lame text asking how was I. I just keep going. I want to completely get over him so I dont want to talk,see, hear, smell or nothing from him. Just go away. I dont care if you got a new bench for everyday of the week. Just keep your ass away from me
Author NYGal Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 I totally agree, but he texted me to say he was sorry about the other night, meaning when I saw him on his date, and now we are texting about him getting my stuff back to me. I just want him out of my life so I can heal and move on and meet someone that wants to put as much in a relationship as they get from one. I hate that I feel this so deeply, and he doesn't - it doesn't seem fair, but I know that means I will be better off in the long run! thanks for listening!
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