Lucky_One Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Then apparently I have been misunderstood. I know that I have to discontinue all contact with him. He has made his choice, and it's not me. I get it. The intent of my post was not to justify continued contact with him or having an affair now that he has decided to return to his marriage. I was just venting, trying to get my feelings out. Maybe trying to get a bit mad to help me along. I'm human though. Our relationship was not an affair. I obviously have pretty sincere feelings here and am just hurt. No one wants to feel 2nd best. I was going off the fact that you still have ongoing contact with him, and that the sporadic contact made you feel better. When your heart is busted into a gazillion pieces, you crave that contact that takes away the pain for a few minutes. Like taking a gulp of wine for an alcoholic or taking a hit off a crack pipe. And it is HARD to give up and HARD to enforce. And when he calls begging to see you bc he misses your smile and the scent of your hair, it will put you in further agony if you turn him down. (And if you do meet, you sit in his car, and eventually you hug, then you kiss, and then you are making out, and then clothes are flying.) And the cycle repeats. NC is hard. But it is the only way to heal, IMHO, and to keep from being dragged farther and farther into a relationship that is not what you truly want it to be. Good luck with it, and NC no matter what.
Author Karma101 Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 I was going off the fact that you still have ongoing contact with him, and that the sporadic contact made you feel better. When your heart is busted into a gazillion pieces, you crave that contact that takes away the pain for a few minutes. Like taking a gulp of wine for an alcoholic or taking a hit off a crack pipe. That's sooooo it! The sporadic contact has made me feel better. It has not been ongoing (for me) because I thought it would change our situation, but because it was like slowly pulling off a bandaid... Kind of weening myself off the relationship. But you are right, the relief is very temporary, and then I am left to start over again. And NC continues!
NoIDidn't Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Speaking of weaning. I have never been able to wean my kids. I just had to get them to a certain age and then cut them off completely. Maybe that's what you will end up doing. Eventually just cutting him off completely. Good luck, either way, Karma.
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