dreamy1945 Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 after you have broken up? I'm getting to the point that I feel indifferent toward the EX and think I could handle some phone calls and occasionally go for coffee. Would it be unadvisable to remain friends through the years and do this?
nopainnogain Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Its been 7 months for me. I think I could handle an occasional text. But no phone calls or seeing her just yet. Mostly because I still need more self improvement. But I am over her. Now, Im at a point where I can envision her getting boinked by some dude,hearing of her having a b/f and it wont affect me. I think once you are at a point where hearing about them with other people and it absolutly does not affect you is the first step.
pandagirl Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 You have to really, really be over them, with absolutely no feelings left for them! I tried being friends with an ex too soon, even though I thought I was over him, and it just...let's just say it didnt work out. : ) I still have hopes to be friends one day, but I'm letting time pass before that happens.
djhall Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Yes, I am friends with just about all my exes to the extent that they keep in touch every few months, have lunch or dinner together if one of us is passing through town, etc.
superd Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I think its healthier to be friends a couple of months later but after you find a new mate, you probably should end it for good. Thats just my experience and I think has some practicality.
Lizzie60 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 after you have broken up? I'm getting to the point that I feel indifferent toward the EX and think I could handle some phone calls and occasionally go for coffee. Would it be unadvisable to remain friends through the years and do this? Yes it is.. I'm living proof.. I'm friend with all my 'exes'... some more than others but sometimes we're much better at friendship than we were in relationship..
malibustacydoll Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I believe it is possible to remain friends, however, I think it depends on if you're now in a relationship or not. I also think you shouldn't hangout with them in person as much as you would another friend. I talk to a few of my exes online every now and then. It is just casual conversation to catch up and see how life is with the other one. I don't find this harmful at all. However, I don't know if being best friends is a way to help you find a future guy. It is a very fine line.
popey Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I am friends with exes. I think it can definitely work, provided you have both really moved on.
superd Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Screw it, I'll be out with it. Being friends with your EX's is a very BAD idea!!! It is like befriending the devil inside you. It will get you in low places, the kind that won't ever let your soul grow and breathe. Trust me, no offense to the people on this site, however, but being friends with your EX's is a sloppy business. It is part and partial of a slovenly way of life, which you know is a sin and that won't get you into heaven. My theory: sometimes kicking out is also cleaning up!
Karma101 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Definitely! I fell hard for the 1st guy I dated after my divorce. Total rebound. We dated for about 6 months. I was pretty devastated when things ended. Out of the blue, he contacted me about 6 months later (after NC whatsoever). I was pleasantly surprised to hear from him, but totally indifferent as well. We have become friends. We text each other here and there, have had lunch a couple of times and have even hung out together when seeing each other out. We also talk about our current relationships. We are soooo much better as friends!
orangehose Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I think it's possible to be friends with some, but not all, exes, as long as you're over them. And it probably won't be a 'best buddy' kind of friendship, but more like occasional email update or lunch kind of thing. Which I think is nice, if the breakup wasn't really bad (i.e. no cheating or abuse involved). As for being friends with your ex while you're in another relationship: I personally don't think it's a big deal, as long as you don't have lingering feelings for the ex, and aren't in frequent communication with them. I've dated guys who were 'friends' on some level with an ex or two, and it didn't bother me one bit. On the other hand, I know that guys tend to flip out about this issue, being more suspicious perhaps of the idea of purely platonic relationships with the opposite sex. When in a relationship, I'd advise being completely open, i.e. "I used to date this person, I have absolutely no romantic feelings for him but we occasionally chat or meet up, and if you are uncomfortable with this, then I will not maintain this friendship for the duration of our relationship".
lofi_tokyo Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Yup! I think being friends with an ex is totally cool. But only if you've both moved on from when you were dating, and are ready just to hang out casually. I've only dated two guys seriously - my first ex and my most recent one. ;p The first guy I am now friends with, and enjoy hanging out with once in a blue moon. We're on 100% good talking terms, and its nice because... he really knew me well when we dated, so if I ever need to have a frank conversation with someone, hes the guy to go to, we're not really worried about hurting each others feelings since we've already gone through the worst of it years ago. My most recent ex though? I have no intention of being friends with for... I'm not sure how long lol. Maybe we'll never hang out? Really cant tell. Right now though, I like just enjoying my first real space from him in literally YEARS.
ed-205 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Yes, it is possible to remain friends with an Ex if you give yourself plenty of NC time to heal and get over it. My rule of thumb is however long it takes you from the time of the break-up to get to the point of "meh" when you think about them, double it before you think about opening a friendship with them.
BCCA Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I am not friends with a single one of my ex's and don't plan to be anytime soon. I have plenty of other friends that I haven't been romanticly involved with, and I would just assume keep it that way. As far as I'm concerned, any ex of mine and I have nothing to talk about and I could honestly care less how they're doing. I'm just being honest here, that's how I deal with it.
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