confused343 Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Hey everyone. Here's my story, I'll try and keep it brief. Looking for advice! Was going out with an amazing girl last year but we broke up in January. Then a few months later she starts to go out with another guy. After the break up I was a bit of a mess and I must've looked very desperate and pathetic to her. Anyway, afterwards, (from April onwards) I got my life together quite a bit, I took my finals, I graduated from Uni, got a new job, a new car and generally got myself together. I tried to get over her, I asked a few girls out but nothing ever happened from them. Yet, even to this day my feelings towards her have never changed and they're as strong as ever, even after 7 months. We remained in contact during this time but it was only minor. IM mostly but we met in person a few times. Then last month she tells me that she is having problems with this new guy and they break up. At roughly the same time she starts being much more friendly towards me (coincedence?!). We meet up a few times and I play it cool. But she is still being very friendly (at one point she said to me come over with a bottle of wine and we'll watch a film) and then it comes to today... We met up today in town and she came back to visit my new place but she was busy and couldn't stop long. Then came tonight, we just had an IM conversation in which I told her how I felt but she told me that she might be getting back with this other guy. (Emphasis on the word might, I don't think it'll work out but what do I know!). Then comes the meaning of the title of this story... She said she "thinks" she doesn't have feelings for me, and she didn't say it once, she said it three times! What does "think" mean? Before it was that "she doesn't have feelings for me anymore". Straight out like that, not I "think". I am hoping that she did this unintentionally, from her subconscience. Now (sorry for the over analysis but...), the way I see it is there are three possible reasons: 1. She was looking for an ego boost from her break up and came to me 2. She was thinking about being with me and does have feelings but thinks she should try to get with the other guy to see if it works out. 3. She needed a friend and doesn't feel anything but wasn't trying to stir up feelings. If you've read all this so far then I commend you, and what I am asking is this, if I should decide that she is worth it (I mean, even if she does have feelings for me, she is still going to see if things work out with the other guy first and that still isn't good) and I keep trying, in your opinions, does it sound like could she still have feelings? My plan now is to cut all contact for at least two weeks, maybe up to four. It should hopefully come as a shock and it should make her realise two things; if she wants to be with the other guy (which will never work out) and whether she has feelings for me. Advice/Opinions?
ahhhchooo Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Personally I think she may have been trying to stir up her old feelings for you, probably thinks you're a good guy, etc, but can't force the feelings - now she wants to keep you there as a fallback ("I might get back with this guy"). You're placing too much emphasis on words. There is nothing in her actions... You deserve better.
BCCA Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 There is really no way of telling what her motive was. It could be as simple as she was lonely. If she has feelings for you, you can bet she'll let you know. I wouldn't even not contact her for two weeks, I wouldn't contact her at all, ever. If she decides that you're the one for her, she'll let you know. Anything outside of that is a waste of your time. Dont be her 'fill-in' boyfriend. That's not fair to you.
taylo560 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 My ex fiance and i broke up about 4 months ago. We were together for 1 3 months. He was the first to say i love you, the first everything in our relationship. I changed his life in such a positive way, according to him. I basically lived at his house for the 4 out of 7 days a week. Everything was great. He told me i was the woman of his dreams and how he couldnt imagine his life without me. He told me he thought he was in love before but realized after he met me he wasnt. After 5 months he proposed to me out of the blue. We were so happy. However about 10 months later he started becoming a little different. 3 DAYS before he broke up with me he told me how he couldnt wait to marry me and have children with me. Then two weeks later he started seeing a girl completely opposite of me. (a year younger, tattoos, weird piercings) all the kinds of things he said he hated in a girl. However over the last 3 months he has contacted me both drunk and sober. He even made a surprise visit to me while he was dating this girl. We hooked up and he ended up telling me he was deciding between me and her. He visited me again a week later and said he didnt care if I BRoke up with the girl for him Of course i did not. He ended up choosing the girl and said hurtfull things the last time we spoke. Now it is two weeks later and he called me restricted one night after saying he never wanted to talk to me ever again and he hated me. I am so confused. However i know hes told this new girl he loves her just to cover his ass, bc i told her about our secret two meetings. I am just wondering what people think of this?? I still love him, i know i need to move one, but will his current relationship last? IS it a rebound? Does he still care about me?
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