so gutted Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 I went looking for trouble. I looked him up on facebook. Found his wife. Her martial status is not showing. I then saw photos posted last sept of them very much together in Rome - of all places. Compared to him she is actually very plain looking. So the goodlooking guy married a very plain woman? This ties in with what he said - they were together then. Even so it is becoming more and more obvious that he is very definetly still married - she must be abraod while he saw me - in his home - where he lived with his wife. This is really sick. why the fk did he do this - if he was married. it was clear from day one i was after a relationship ....settling down was even mentioned as a general goal. Im really annoyed at myself. Really.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Some guys are real jerks. I've dated two (TWO!) who told me that they were divorced, only to find out later that they were NOT. Yuk. What an awful position to be in, confronted by a wife who you were told was an X. Move on! Nothing to see there. Nothing you did wrong, nothing you can do about it now but Move On.
marlena Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Forget about it. Your predicament is as old as recorded time. Just shrug your shoulders and laugh at the commanality of it all. Learn from it and soldier on. Next time round you won't be so easily fooled. That, in itself, is enough to make you glad this has happened. As of now, you are just a tad more wiser.
superd Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 I can't take this advice that these people are giving, run, run , run, run, run... I say maybe stand and fight for him, especially if you are better looking than this girl.
Author so gutted Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 Dont you think I should email his wife - sitting abroad working her ar-se off to pay the rent that he sponges off her - and tell her what her husband is up to? tell her why he married plain jane? to pay the bills, send abroad and then do the dirty on. I can set up an profile and tell her ?
Author so gutted Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 i dont want to fight for him, guys like this nevr change but i think he got away with too muc, How can i expose him?
superd Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Don't expose him, that is vengeful. Comfortable living is the best revenge. Anyway, if you don't want him, what do you care what he is with. "Exposing" him may just put you in harm's way. You may make a "fool" out of him, but he is not going to change anyway.
Author so gutted Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 But i know who his wife is - he is telling people (me) that he is seperated and she is working herself to the bone - aiming to come back here and live with this cheat. wouldnt you want to know?
superd Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Let her find out on her own, it is not your business. You can't save the world, not even one person at a time.
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Dont you think I should email his wife - sitting abroad working her ar-se off to pay the rent that he sponges off her - and tell her what her husband is up to? tell her why he married plain jane? to pay the bills, send abroad and then do the dirty on. I can set up an profile and tell her ? So gutted, you don't know ANYTHING about their marriage or their relationship. You are making guesses, bc you are angry at him for leading you on. Well - he is a guy. Sometimes guys (and sometimes girls) lead other people on bc they are selfisih jerks. What are you going to tell her "I am the girl who was crazy over your husband and he told me you were divorcing and I believed him and I tried to have sex with him but I couldn't but he was willing and now he ran from me in the mall the other day and doesn't call me anymore!!" When he is going to turn around and say, "OMG Honey I am being stalked by this psycho chick that I felt sorry for and had over to our apt a few times and she attacked me and I told her to hit the road and never contact me again and I even saw her in the mall the other day where she is STALKING me and I had to run away - Bob was with me, you can ask him!!" Get over it. Get out of their marriage.
popey Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 if you can honestly say that you are thinking something like: I truly don't think the wife has any idea that her husband might be betraying her. I also had no idea. And if the shoe were on the other foot, I would really want the other woman to have the courage and compassion to just give me a heads up; AND you feel this strongly enough to feel its worth the risks of what may follow. Then perhaps the right thing for you is to pass some message on as sensitively as possible. if there is any other reasoning behind it (which it seems it might) then don't. just move on with your life with some learning.
Author so gutted Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 Now that was a good answer. What i propose to say is, that while you are working hard, your husband is screwing around in your home in your bed. Thats it. I can give more details to show i am not the crazed stalker - e.g decor, her appliances etc and she will know i have been there. She deserves to know - or she is working hard for a fake life.
Author so gutted Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 my reasoning is that he thinks he can have it all. I told him what i was about and he proceeded to try and use me..... he cannot have a home paid for by her, lead her (and me 0n) and live happily.
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Let me guess - he told you that she pays for everything, and you snooped in their checking account online and say that he pays for nothing except for booze, coke and chicks, and her MySpace confirmed that she is working her butt off while he pays for nothing. You don't know jack about their marriage and their finances and their marital status and their understandings of each other as partners. So what that you can describe her appliances? He will just say that you are this sad little girl he met and he felt sorry for you after you followed him around, so he had you over for a beer and you examined all the makers of the kitchen stuf. You didn't have a relationship with him. He probably lied to you, and you are definitely going to meet other people who are going to lie to you, and the chances are huge that you are going to lie to someone else's face in order to get something that you want. Call his Sunday School teacher so that she can pray for his soul, and then get over him and get out of their marriage. Although - I bet that you have already set up a new Facebook acct, and will contact her no matter what anyone says to you here. Watch out, :bunny:!
popey Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 IMO it is understandable that you feel this way OP. I think it is natural to not want someone to "get away" with such a selfish, manipulative and hurtful way of life. He doesn't deserve to be able to live happily ever after by these means. Don't worry about that. Worry about your happily ever after. That's the only way to move forward.
pretty professional Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 You pretty much deserve this since you are so superficial. Looks have nothing to do with love. At one point he loved this woman. He looked past her "plain" looks. He might think she's hotter than hell and you are a skanky piece of ass. sorry but had to say it, hon.
Author so gutted Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 You pretty much deserve this since you are so superficial. Looks have nothing to do with love. At one point he loved this woman. He looked past her "plain" looks. He might think she's hotter than hell and you are a skanky piece of ass. sorry but had to say it, hon. looks have nothing to do with it - says miss holier then thou - called PRETTY PROFESSIONAL! If looks ahve no bearing - change your name!
Shygirl15 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 looks have nothing to do with it - says miss holier then thou - called PRETTY PROFESSIONAL! If looks ahve no bearing - change your name! lol..you're funny! Seriously, Miss Plain Jane seems to hold all the cards here, despite her plainness.
Lucky_One Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Gutted, looks don't matter in the long run. An ugly woman can be beautiful inside; just look at Eleanor Roosevelt. She was truly a great woman, and a woman we could all aspire to be more like. Your looks may help you in an initial hook-up, but they won't help you to keep a man interested in your heart, soul, or mind.
Author so gutted Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 Yes Miss Ugly holds all the cards - because her plain looks have plainly kept him interested. He isnt with her - the plain one or me the slightly better one...he is p*ssing on everyone. Ok she has a ring on her finger - but the one holding the cards is him, because he has kept her - his piggy bank and still gets to sleep around - all with no accountability. What a great marraige. Im so jealous.
Author so gutted Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 Grow up. I said it sarcastically.
DaisyBelle Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 SG, PLEASE, please, please move on. You really didn't have a relationship with this guy. You met a few times and it didn't work, for whatever reason. There is *no* relationship here, despite your attempts to claim there was one. Please, please, please go get yourself some help to understand why you attach so much emotion, meaning, time, and venom to someone you do not know. This is deeply unhealthy and clearly a painful pattern for you.
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