sveltskye Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 So I've "sort of seeing" this guy (his words) for about 3 weeks. I live in Northern California and my parents live in Orange County and they are visiting on the same weekend he and I have tickets to go to a concert. I was wondering if I could ask him if he wanted to go to dinner that night with me and my parents without it seeming too much like a pressure-y "meet the parents" kind of thing. It wouldn't be a big deal to just say that I have to spend time with them, but would it seem unusual to extend an invitation? I don't want him to think that it means anything from my end, beyond the fact that I don't want to neglect my parents and I'd still like to make it a nice evening and spend enough time with him.
IrishCarBomb Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 You have to be more than "sort of seeing" somebody before the parent introduction is appropriate. Otherwise it kinda feels like a "Play Misty For Me" thing.
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Hmmm. I dont' see a problem with it - depends on how you approach it. "Hey, my folks are in town for the weekend, and I want to have dinner with them before the concert. Want to go with us, or do you want to meet up after dinner? " I don't see that as pressure, and I don't see it as anything he would have a hard time saying yes or no to, with no hurt feelings on anyone's side. I always introduced my BFs to my parents before I was married, relatively quickly. Now we don't live close, but I would totally have had them meet my current BF by now.
Author sveltskye Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 Ok well, two nos and a yes so I guess I won't do it. Thanks for the advice. Its not a big deal to me, it was more for time reasons and because they live out of town and my mom was curious about him, but I can see how it would seem a little freaky to him. If I was going to, I would definitely phrase it like you said, Lucky_One. I was thinking of a "your welcome to come if you want". But it might be easier to steer clear of the stress of having him wonder if my invitation has some hidden meaning. BTW, what's a "Play Misty For Me"?
Lauriebell82 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Ok well, two nos and a yes so I guess I won't do it. Thanks for the advice. Its not a big deal to me, it was more for time reasons and because they live out of town and my mom was curious about him, but I can see how it would seem a little freaky to him. If I was going to, I would definitely phrase it like you said, Lucky_One. I was thinking of a "your welcome to come if you want". But it might be easier to steer clear of the stress of having him wonder if my invitation has some hidden meaning. BTW, what's a "Play Misty For Me"? There are some guys who don't get freaked out by "meeting the parents" and don't see it as some hidden meeting. I've had both experiences: 1. ex boyfriend introduced me after a week of dating (he was graduating from college and they came up for the bancquet and he invited me along). 2. current boyfriend: waited 9 months before I met them (they live 5 hours away). A "sort of seeing" status maybe isn't enough for a "meet the parents dinner." I would go to dinner with your parents and tell him you will meet him at the concert.
Author sveltskye Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 Well, I think he said that because he wanted to sleep with me and I said we should wait a little longer LOL. Plus I often refer to "hanging out" with him as opposed to "dating". So I think he was a little confused about our status. We've also said numerous times that we are dating as well. I'm really close to my parents and its not really a "thing" on my end ("meet the parents dinner") for me to invite someone to meet then, however, I could see how a guy could read more into an invitation than I meant him to so I probably should wait until its more appropriate. Anyways, I'll talk to my mom. Maybe she'll just want to do lunch earlier, or me and him can go out for drinks after or something.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Well, I think he said that because he wanted to sleep with me and I said we should wait a little longer LOL. We've also said numerous times that we are dating before that. I'm really close to my parents and its not really a "thing" on my end ("meet the parents dinner") for me to invite someone to meet then, however, I could see how a guy could read more into an invitation than I meant him to so I probably should wait until its more appropriate. Anyways, I'll talk to my mom. Maybe she'll just want to do lunch earlier, or me and him can go out for drinks after or something. Did the two of you have plans for dinner, or just go to the concert?
carhill Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Parents are just people. I'd have no problem meeting your parents and enjoying their company. Such is how I learn more about you. I'd attach no "symbols" to such a meeting. Some people are incredibly close to their families and include whoever happens to be around them at the time. Follow your gut. Your "friend" may not be like that...
Author sveltskye Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 We didn't have finalized plans to go out to dinner. We generally haven't made definite plans until a little bit before. I just enjoy kind of making it a night if you're going to do that kind of thing.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Parents are just people. I'd have no problem meeting your parents and enjoying their company. Such is how I learn more about you. I'd attach no "symbols" to such a meeting. Some people are incredibly close to their families and include whoever happens to be around them at the time. Follow your gut. Your "friend" may not be like that... Yeah, I agree with this. Personally, I don't have any issues about having a guy I'm dating "meet the parents." My boyfriend met mine on our first date (I was staying with my parents over xmas break when I was in college). Honestly though, my boyfriend didn't really seem to have a problem meeting my parents. He was just iffy for me to meet his right away. Maybe this guy won't care?
Author sveltskye Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 Oi vey. I have no idea. I've already asked him to drive an hour with me to visit my sister and her boyfriend and he was cool with that. So maybe? I just don't want to scare him unintentionally. Maybe if I was super casual about it?
Lauriebell82 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Oi vey. I have no idea. I've already asked him to drive an hour with me to visit my sister and her boyfriend and he was cool with that. So maybe? I just don't want to scare him unintentionally. Maybe if I was super casual about it? Yeah, honestly I'm just thinking that maybe if you told him you were going to dinner and you'd meet him at the concert, he may feel bad or hurt you didn't invite him along. You could do it super casually. Suggestion: "Hey my parents are going to be in town on the night we have the concert and I wanted to go to dinner with them. Your welcome to join us, or we could just meet later at the concert." And then see his reaction. If he says he'd rather meet at the concert though, make sure you don't have a disappointed look on your face or he really will percieve that as pressure.
Author sveltskye Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 Ok, that sounds like good advice. Thank you, Lauriebell!
Lauriebell82 Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Ok, that sounds like good advice. Thank you, Lauriebell! Your welcome, let us know how it turns out!
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