I'm annoying myself

[blueberry]

LOL Im sure she did. And thanks am finding the bitterness really works for me. Trying to practice compassion but a part of me would prefer to castrate the lot of them.

 

 

Hmm... I quite like those bits intact.

 

I wouldn't say no to a roll of masking tape and a bullwhip though.

[Adunaphel]

I absolutely second porter218's post.

 

Good lord, I'm making myself ill here.... re-reading myself I'm beginning to see how pathetic this all has been.

This is good sign, it means you are disentangling from the situation and starting to see it objectively.

 

Try to concentrate on your trip to Rome - and on the one to Croatia, as well.

Whenever your thoughts wander to Mauritius, force yourself to engage in some romantic fantasy with handsome roman guys (or on handsome croatian guys as well - I am partial to romans as my MM lives in Rome ) .

Or concentrate on him knowing that you are in Rome and wondering if you are being hit on.

Even if you are in no way looking for love while you are abroad, fantasy is a wonderful tool.

[winter]

Avoid emotionally unavailable people like the plague! Especially if they're hot!

[GPFan]

I've mentioned in a previous post that he went on to tell me that "if it was any consolation", he "had to think of me the whole time, whilst she sat on top and did all the work".

Unbelievable and insulting to your intelligence.

 

 

 

He "owes" her (she picked up the pieces when he left his wife after finding out about an affair)

He claims his ex-wife had an affair? Has he any evidence to back up his claim?

[jj33]

Ohhh - hook, line and sinker baby.

 

It is sometimes very hard to know what is truth and what is pure garbage, but in a nutshell:

 

- Says he is not in love with her anymore, but she is his best friend.

- He "owes" her (she picked up the pieces when he left his wife after finding out about an affair)

- She is desperate for a child and they get along so well. As he says "

compatability is just as important as passion and love"

- Has sex only during her fertile times

 

But again - who knows what to believe.

 

And so I've stopped listening.

 

Good lord, I'm making myself ill here.... re-reading myself I'm beginning to see how pathetic this all has been.

 

Hes a mental midget. He owes her because he she picked up the pieces so he is paying her back by moving his fast hips (sorry cant get over that one) with you?

 

And his gift to her is a child? Wow that gives new meaning to I will give you my first born. His hips must be pretty fast to keep you on the go with the drivel that he is spewing.

 

Better her than you. If he is messing around during the fertility process what hope does she have once they have a child. She can look forward to a life with him marked by his affairs and annual trips to Mauritius. Lucky lucky girl.

 

Blue you can take yourself to Mauritius and meet some hot guy there who doesnt "need" to brag about his fast hips. You certainly dont need him.

 

Sharpen that hole puncher. Cricket season is about to begin and you are the bowler!

[Reggie]

Glad you are figuring this out. He fed you some BS and you bought it because it was what you wanted to hear. Now , you are smarter. Painful lesson but most of the good ones are. Good luck.

[jj33]

And Blue I didnt mean to sound harsh calling it drivel. I know its hard letting go and when I look back on some parts of my A I cringe. I was like Dominos Pizza. He called I delivered.

[DealingWDrama]

Blue - may you find peace as you travel on this emotional journey...

[blueberry]

And Blue I didnt mean to sound harsh calling it drivel. I know its hard letting go and when I look back on some parts of my A I cringe. I was like Dominos Pizza. He called I delivered.

 

 

...you don't sound harsh at all. Infact jj - no-one can quite make me snort red wine out of my nose the way you do.

 

Thanks for all your support. x

[blueberry]

Blue - may you find peace as you travel on this emotional journey...

 

 

Thanks DwD. You too - and let us echo that sentiment for all here.

 

For no matter what varying situations we find ourselves in, we have been led to this forum. The OW / OM / BS / x's etc etc....

 

All hurt - all with different stories. It's a great comfort. And a big fat eye-opener to human beings at their most deceitful.

[jj33]

Thats what kills me about my situation. He did not decieve me. I did that all by myself. Did he try his damnest to keep me going once I was in it? Yes he did. Could he have behaved better at times. Absolutely. But I cant say that he decieved me. And I am so ashamed that I stayed as long as I did. We are getting along now. All very professional. Its good. I guess. Better than not. But still odd. Very odd. And he still thinks we are together. Someone hit on me in front of him. And he commented that this man was so much wealthier than he was. As if THAT were the problem...

 

... had the other guy not been so disrespectful in his approach I would have said well at least hes single. It was odd.

[blueberry]

Thats what kills me about my situation. He did not decieve me. I did that all by myself. Did he try his damnest to keep me going once I was in it? Yes he did. Could he have behaved better at times. Absolutely. But I cant say that he decieved me. And I am so ashamed that I stayed as long as I did. We are getting along now. All very professional. Its good. I guess. Better than not. But still odd. Very odd. And he still thinks we are together. Someone hit on me in front of him. And he commented that this man was so much wealthier than he was. As if THAT were the problem...

 

... had the other guy not been so disrespectful in his approach I would have said well at least hes single. It was odd.

 

 

Hey - it takes two to tango. Don't be too harsh on yourself eh. Some of us, having been weakened by past experiences are (for the most part) subconsciously waiting for someone to come along to make them feel precious.

 

(I'm not saying you weren't precious to him persay, you know what I mean)

 

You fell into it. Was there a voice telling you to head for the hills? No doubt. But he gave you what you wanted at a time that you were open to it. Me too.

 

Makes ya feel dumb eh. And guilty.

 

Your guy sounds sooo much like mine. Example: We had ended "it" (prior to going NC) and had entered a quiz evening along with some others a couple of weeks ago. During break time I started chatting to a guy from an opposing team. No big deal. I come back to our table and he was standing there, laptop slung over his shoulder, briefcase in his hand, ready to storm out. Saying HE couldn't handle it! WTF? Said this guy was smarter, better looking, higher-up, yadda yadda yadda.

 

All it does jj, is show how superficial these guys are. That's as far as their pre-requisite list runs to. THAT is how their minds work. If someone has more money, or is better looking, or whatever - means their head is TURNED. Easy. And so they think our heads are turned that easily also.

 

So you say he thinks it's still going on? What's the story there then?

[jj33]

No story. The fact that I havent seen his hips in action or otherwise in many moons means there is no story at least thats my yardstick...

 

It was the way he said it kind of wistful like he was waiting for me to say that didnt matter to me and some other things he said, the way he looked at me. It was odd. Maybe its more that he was seeing that other men, "worthy" in his eyes younger and single were options and that he is no longer the apple of my eye. (theres an american cliche for you Blue)

 

But it doesnt matter. It is what it is. And it is over. Has been for ages. Would be cleaner and neaterif we didnt see each other so much, but then if I put the past aside, we are a good team and thats the most important part. At this point I think it bothers him more than it does me. I think he is still processing the fact that sneaking back in is no longer an option. Im on to him!

 

I do think they were separated at birth... its that "old boy" thing they have going on...

[jj33]

And you got it in one. I was at a really vulnerable point in my life. I was like Cinderella being asked to the ball by the handsome prince. Pathetic really.

[blueberry]

No story. The fact that I havent seen his hips in action or otherwise in many moons means there is no story at least thats my yardstick...

 

It was the way he said it kind of wistful like he was waiting for me to say that didnt matter to me and some other things he said, the way he looked at me. It was odd. Maybe its more that he was seeing that other men, "worthy" in his eyes younger and single were options and that he is no longer the apple of my eye. (theres an american cliche for you Blue)

 

But it doesnt matter. It is what it is. And it is over. Has been for ages. Would be cleaner and neaterif we didnt see each other so much, but then if I put the past aside, we are a good team and thats the most important part. At this point I think it bothers him more than it does me. I think he is still processing the fact that sneaking back in is no longer an option. Im on to him!

 

I do think they were separated at birth... its that "old boy" thing they have going on...

 

 

You, my darling girl, are exactly where I want to be in a few weeks time. You've got yourself together for the most part.

 

"Neater and cleaner" is not neccesarily the best way out. I've always advocated facing demons. It's why I get annoyed when people suggest leaving their jobs in order to go total NC. It's better to face up to the music. FEEL the pain - otherwise how can you truly get through it?

 

As for Americanisms? "Apple-of-my-eye"... not so much. However "Yardstick" is! I keep getting confused with gardens...

[blueberry]

And you got it in one. I was at a really vulnerable point in my life. I was like Cinderella being asked to the ball by the handsome prince. Pathetic really.

 

 

Not pathetic _at all_. He could probably smell it on you.

 

My guy knew about my history .... the fact i had just left an extremely abusive marriage - yet he still preyed on that.

 

He even had the gaul to say to me "at least you now know that there are men out there who will treat you better than your husband".

 

As if beating people up emotionally is any better than beating someone up physically. If I am to be honest with myself - bruises on the body heal. Hearts take a LOT longer.

 

Pretty sure I prefer the physical beating - at least my Muay Thai training gets some unscheduled practise!

[jj33]

Oh sweetie. You have been through the mill and come out so strong. You are an inspiration.

 

He didnt know the details of my circumstances - thought i led a charmed life... you know, the American dilettante working as a hobby (as if) but you are right he could smell it on me. I was ripe for the picking.

 

And I agree it is better to face. Leaving a job because someone hurt your feelings is insane to me. Have to be tougher than that. Otherwise you spend your life running because you dont give yourself enough credit to be able to "restrain" yourself.

 

Its good. Turned what would have been a 1k job into a 5k job yesterday because MM dropped everything to assist. Sure he will make money from it too, but he was in town and rearranged his schedule to do what needed to be done. Cant complain about that... had I been sulking and doing total NC that would not have been possible.

 

I have to say now that the pain is gone I dont regret it. He is the only person I can count on to really look out for me. Its like having a guardian angel looking over my shoulder on the professional side. I wondered if that would still be the case now and thankfully it is. And I would do anything (short of going back into the A) for him. Everyone else thinks that I am totally self sufficient etc but he sees beyond that. I think he will be happy for me when I meet someone. Sad for him but happy for me. He may also be relieved. Then he will know that I am "ok" if that makes sense. He worries about me being on my own. Very old school. But when you are totally on your own as I am there is something appealing about that.

[jj33]

You, my darling girl, are exactly where I want to be in a few weeks time. You've got yourself together for the most part.

 

And btw you are miles and miles ahead of me. Its taken me a year to get to this point. A year in the A, a year in a sort of an emotional A, always hoping something would change (hit over head with cricket bat see the light sort of thing .... ) finally coming out the other side. Now finally at point of making money not love (an old twist on the 60s saying make love not war)

[LostGirl811]

When he "owned-up" to the fact they had been trying for a child, my reaction was somewhat nuclear. I couldn't fathom how a man who was honestly trying to bring life into this world, was also spending time in my bed.

 

I've mentioned in a previous post that he went on to tell me that "if it was any consolation", he "had to think of me the whole time, whilst she sat on top and did all the work".

 

Honoured.

 

Bleuch.

 

Wowwwww

 

Generally I try to find the good side of everything, but seriously, this guy is a total douchebag, I can't even fathom why you'd be upset. He's doing you a favour by staying with her, she'll be miserable when she finds out what kind of person he is in the future.

 

What kind of human being tells someone they supposedely care for that "oh, well, yeah, Im f**king her, and trying to make a baby with her to boot, but if it's any consolence I was thinking bout you" ???????? Is he retarded, serious, or just lacking in any tact?

 

AND by the way, he still has a very easy way to get out. He's not a father yet, and he's not married yet? So it's kind of like he has a girlfriend, just one that he's promised to marry, which to be honest, is just like breaking up a bf-gf relationship. If he meant anything he said about caring about you, he would have just broken it off with her already.

 

If ever there was a case of pure cake-and-eat-it-too this would be one of them. Hell, at least my MM has three small babies at home and a new house to make it hard to leave. It doesn't make him less of an assh**le for cheating on his W with me, but he does have legitimate reason for not leaving his M. This guy still has oppurtunity to leave his R to be with you, and he's not. ]

 

Run far away from him. run to Rome. Run to wherever and dont say another bloody word to him ever again. your heart and sanity will thank you for it.

 

Good luck love

[MizzBlue72]

Sorry - this sucks. I do the same too. Doesn't make it any easier.

Have a good cry, and have fun in Rome.

[jj33]

Wowwwww

 

Generally I try to find the good side of everything, but seriously, this guy is a total douchebag, I can't even fathom why you'd be upset. He's doing you a favour by staying with her, she'll be miserable when she finds out what kind of person he is in the future.

 

AND by the way, he still has a very easy way to get out. He's not a father yet, and he's not married yet? So it's kind of like he has a girlfriend, just one that he's promised to marry, which to be honest, is just like breaking up a bf-gf relationship. If he meant anything he said about caring about you, he would have just broken it off with her already.

 

If ever there was a case of pure cake-and-eat-it-too this would be one of them. Hell, at least my MM has three small babies at home and a new house to make it hard to leave. It doesn't make him less of an assh**le for cheating on his W with me, but he does have legitimate reason for not leaving his M. This guy still has oppurtunity to leave his R to be with you, and he's not. ]

 

Run far away from him. run to Rome. Run to wherever and dont say another bloody word to him ever again. your heart and sanity will thank you for it.

 

Good luck love

 

Lost I dont want to rub it in but look at your own words. He acquired some of that stuff while you were with him... its not really so different. You too are making excuses for him. None of us are immune. Its so much easier to look at others and say oh your situtaion really sucks mine is different because....

 

but they are not. In each situation the OW is rationalizing a situation where the MM is not meeting her needs and is unavailable in some way.

 

The precise facts really dont matter

 

plus ca change plus c'est la meme chose (the more things change the more they remain the same)

 

aka same **** different day

[blueberry]

plus ca change plus c'est la meme chose (the more things change the more they remain the same)

 

aka same **** different day

 

 

and to that I will say "ates dustu yeri yakar" - the ember will burn where it falls! Something we all need to remember....

 

 

10pm here and only just got home. A long tiring day. Going through a load of redundancies - the perfect "pick-me-up" for an otherwise depressing existance.

 

Not.

 

Worst thing is - Rome is off (for now). I've been called into a workshop all day Monday (when I was supposed to be in Rome) - which means a weekend full of preparation (again - when I was supposed to be in Rome).

 

Just what I damn well need. I was _so_ looking forward to getting out of London for the weekend.

 

Groan.

[blueberry]

PS - company is offering to rebook my ticket once the dust settles - so all is not lost. Just wanted to get out of town this weekend.

[jj33]

Turkish? I know its disappointing but its getting scary. The good news is you are there to do the work and needed for a workshop. Bright side of the cloud.

 

I am off on a trip next week (the boss - that would be me - already paid for it so am going...) its business. Go where the money is. xMM has arranged introductions for me that have already resulted in business. He quite the benefactor now which is new. He was not when we were together (not that I expected he would be so this is a pleasant surprise). Am swamped with bus at the moment and afraid the penny will drop at any time so working 24/7.

 

We should consider ourselves lucky Blue so many people are losing their jobs. Am exhausted and reminding myself not to resent the murder hours because the opposite would be so much worse....

[blueberry]

Turkish? I know its disappointing but its getting scary. The good news is you are there to do the work and needed for a workshop. Bright side of the cloud.

 

I am off on a trip next week (the boss - that would be me - already paid for it so am going...) its business. Go where the money is. xMM has arranged introductions for me that have already resulted in business. He quite the benefactor now which is new. He was not when we were together (not that I expected he would be so this is a pleasant surprise). Am swamped with bus at the moment and afraid the penny will drop at any time so working 24/7.

 

We should consider ourselves lucky Blue so many people are losing their jobs. Am exhausted and reminding myself not to resent the murder hours because the opposite would be so much worse....

 

 

Yes, Turkish! (I'm not - but had the pleasure of working in Istanbul for 4 years).

 

I hear you re: business. I'm working every hour that God gives me at the moment. In at 7am - home by 10pm (granted, I had a couple of wines with a friend before coming home - regardless, I'm still pulling 12 hours a day).

 

Mr. Fast Hips won't be so lucky I think. I don't want to see him out of a job, but it's looking that way. We are losing 1/4 of our workforce over the next few months (23,000 people global) - and he's not what we would call "essential".

 

Who is though eh - I'm not kidding myself, but not losing sleep either.

 

You'll *have* to look me up if you ever make it across the pond to London. Maybe we'll take that Rome weekend together!