cheatedongirl76 Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 I met a guy in October last year. I was also honest and clear it was a bad time for me and I wasn't interested in a relationship but regardless he pursued me relentlessly and was SO into me it was ridiculous. TBH I took advantage of him a bit and was quite mean sometimes... and he just lapped it up. I lost respect for him and still felt hopelessly in love with an ex so eventually I had to end it. I saw him once or twice after that and he ignored me. It was fair enough, its so hurtful when you are rejected. Fastforward six months...the ex is completely out of my system and I realise I was so blind to how great this guy was. I call him and apologise and ask for another chance. At first it seems promising because we go out on a few dates and swap emails during the work day and its fun. We kiss, cuddle, hug and end up in bed together having great sex and my hopes start to rise. But...the dynamic is different this time, he is much more cautious and restrained and I am doing the chasing more, he is calling far less than is usual for him. He is all hot and cold. When I ask him about it he just says he doesn't want to get hurt. I can understand that....but then we went out last Saturday and he is acting really funny and says he has to go home because he is feeling sick and leaves with just a quick kiss on the cheek and no explanation. He never EVER gets sick! I call him when I get home because I feel so thrown and he tells me he wants to stay single, is enjoying his freedom to date lots of people and wants to keep it that way. He even tries to cancel a dinner we are supposed to go on Monday. I am so disappointed! We do end up going to dinner together on Monday.... I wore a sexy dress to show him what he was missing (!) And like magic he was all into me again taking me out for drinks afterwards, kissing me, telling me how into me he is and he asks me for a date this weekend. Great! I think. We chat a little during the week...but then this weekend comes up and I don't hear anything from him. So I email him to check and he blows me off saying he is busy, no other explanation! I just want things to be how they were! I can't stop kicking myself. I hate myself for being so stupid when I could have had him. I have missed out on a great guy and I want to figure out how to get him back, if he is single now surely I have a chance? Or maybe not? I can't figure out his actions, I just don't understand how he could be so different this time. On the positive side, maybe he is just cautious or scared. Maybe he is being ultra tough because he wants to make sure I respect him this time and don't walk all over him? In that case its definitely working. My fear is that its not for good reasons.. Is he trying to get his own back, to hurt and reject me? Is he one of these guys who just wants the thrill of the chase, the unavailable woman, but bolts as soon as you are really available? Is he playing games with me, as he has all the power now and he knows it, I am basically eating out of his hand this time around! Or is he much more into someone else he is dating (as I know there are other girls buzzing around) and just using me from time to time for an ego boost? I know a lot of people will say he just not that into me and to get over it. And I would definitely ditch him if he is just a player or has bad intentions because I don't want to get hurt or used. But I'd hate to walk away from this guy if he is just genuinely hurt by what I did if I could make it right. Ideas people????
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Well, you have said that your Ex dumped you in July and that you have a child with him, so that isn't a great amount of time to get over such a serious relationship, esp when it involved infidelity. This guy that you want to date so much now is also seeing someone else casually, and has told you that he doesn't want a heavy relationship with you right now and is afraid that you will use him and dump him again like you did last fall. I think the best thing is to acknowledge that he might have some legitimate areas to be concerned with about you, and to talk to him. He also might might not want to get into a dating relationship with someone who has a child, depending on how old he is or what he is looking for out of life.
Recommended Posts