First in coping...am I moving on now?

[sacg]

As the title says, ive not wanted to post here for some stupid reason i thought it would mean I had lost her for good, maybe im now realising i have. So Ive eventually left the breaking up forum, begging for answers, to here, strating a whole other process. The weird thing is, im hoping i do all three and get to "second chances".

 

I have a couple of posts if anyone cares to read the story and how it develops. But basically, i was with her for 7 years, and she left 3 months ago. I was shocked and devastated. I found out more recently she was with someone else, (GO COMPLETE NC ASAP), someone she knew B4 she left, and someone she got together with within 2 weeks of leaving. Although she mantains she never left me for him, although im starting to see through that likelyhood. I was crushed all over again.

 

Now, to the post here. I think im getting a little better, i dont cry as much, unless im drunk, but i have these two nagging feelings. One I still have a small glimmer of hope deep inseide that in a few months / years, she may regret and come back, but would i want her??? Why cant i dislike or resent her now for what she's done, what she's doing for Gods sake? She's out having fun all weekend whilst i sit here and miss her like crazy. I know thats my fault, im creating by doing it. but i do try and get out and have fun, see below. its just i cant understand why i still hold a torch for her after what shes done. The second is i cant get her and him out of my head, doing all we did, ALL we did.

 

I went out to a club last night, for the first time in years, and I hated it. I went out with all good intentions and was actually looking forward to it and the fact it would make me forget what she and he were doing. As soon as I was in there I thought of them, probably doing the same thing not too far away and it killed it. It even made me feel unattractive, old and pretty ****. Again, i know thats me causing my own pain. I left. I was disgusted in myself. But i cant stop the thoughts. I think im letting go slowly, but these thoughts are horrible. I love her so much, and she could just have "detached", etc and left me without a care, without a second look. Its just hard to accept that you really dont know that person anymore.

 

Dont really know what im asking here, just felt a little lonely and sad and fancied one of your caring guys to throw me a bone.

 

link to my story if anyones bored....

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=5383601

[lofi_tokyo]

heya sacg

 

I went through/am going through a similar situation. My ex of 2.5yrs (not nearly as long as your relationship, I know), broke up with me, and not even two weeks later was dating a new woman. Technically, I dumped him, because I could see him getting closer to this girl and blocking me out... but then I begged for him back for about a week and a half.

 

So hes dating her now. Prior to us breaking up, he INSISTED he was not attracted to her, and even went crazy on me for suggesting they'd get together after our break up... but go figure, they're together now.

 

 

How do I feel? Annoyed. Angry.

We were 16/17 when we started dating, and are 19/20 now. We were also in a long distance relationship. So I really did not expect us to last forever. I wanted to try our hardest to wait until we finished college and see if we could make it as a real couple, but it was hard on us both. We need to experience life, you know? I wish we had broken up on those terms - loving eachother, but needing to see the world, not holding on to a voice on the phone. At the end of the day, above all else, he was my best friend. More painful than losing him as a romantic interest is losing that friendship. Had we gone our separate ways with no hurt feelings, then friendship would have been alright, I think. Sadly, I feel betrayed by him, abandoned entirely. It hurts, and I wish I had advice for you, but I have nearly none.

 

 

How old are you? If you're young like me, or got together young, then maybe thats why she just went for someone new out of no where... she loved you, but was not "In love" with you. Too young to be sure. Then she found someone new, maybe not necessarily someone to love, but a glimmer of something she found interesting, and let things fall apart with you. Is that okay? No. She should have been strong enough to leave you and be single for a bit, rather than hoping to a new man. But, she has done it, and if you are young like me then... all you have to do is accept what has happened, and try to move on and smile at the world, for all its ups and downs.

 

For me personally, I hope the day comes when I move back home, when I'm my own person, over him entirely romantically, then maybe him and I can sit down for coffee. Be friends again.

 

Hes not a great boyfriend, I've learned that since our breakup. But hes still a descent guy... just young and confused right now, I think.

 

 

Hope that helped, sorry its long ;p

[CaliGuy]

You had 7 years together. It's going to take longer than 3 months to move on. But you are doing the right things (sans hoping for a second chance). Keep going out. FORCE YOURSELF to go out and eventually you will start having fun.

 

The thing about your second chance, bro, is that until you do not want it, it will never come (if ever). You really have to forget about a second chance. Accept things for what they are because what is done is done and you can't change it. You have to let go of things you can not control.

 

You had 7 years. She knows you well. If she can move on after that amount of time -- and I hate to say this -- odds are very slim that she'll change her mind. You really need to accept that, grieve the loss, pick up the pieces and do your best to move on.

 

And trust me. If she wants you, she knows how to find you. And neither hell nor high water will stop her from finding you...

[motive2002]

Take some time and rediscover who you really are. When we are in a relationship, we tend to mold ourselves around another person. That's just part of the package.

Rediscovering who you are, good traits and bad. Likes and dislikes etc. is a journey in and of itself. One that can be quite liberating.

I spent months pining over the ex. It still hurts to think she's gone forever, but I have a new relationship now, with myself.

 

It's gonna take time. I know you've heard it over and over, but it's just the way it is. During this time try to be nurturing to yourself. Take care of yourself like you would care for a loved one that is not feeling well. Give yourself a lot of patience, compassion, words of encouragement etc.

[sacg]

Ok, bin a while, update.........

 

I have not had any contact for over a week, maybe two, im not gonna count, nothing, considering i was there most days for the last couple of months, thats pretty dramatic :-). I had to mail her today(financial stuff), and after the recent NC, felt pretty ok doing it. to cut longer story short, she opened up conversation and questions when there was no need. She sent an email saying quite abrutly, that why am I bothered (about the money), I have moved on havent I!!!!!!! Which was wierd taking into account what she was currently up to. So i asked her what she meant, big mistake there, right there, i allowed that coversation to develop. she denied knowing why she said it, then later in chatting she said things werent all "rosy" with him and her!!! I mean WTF? Why bother?

 

Her response was, I wanted you to know so it would make you feel better, like we werent all great and lovey????? And she had started to realise what I must be going through??? I stupidly asked, are you still sleeping together, and thats where the conversation dried up. Of course she was!! And i was gutted and destroyed all over again.

 

But i dont think ive travelled back that far. I think im still in reasonable control, and will pull it back in a couple of days. but why? Why say it, why bother, why get funny that i may have finally moved on, and why go straight back to a guy your not overly confident with and **** him?

 

Why?

[HopeDiesLast]

There could be a million reasons why, sacg. could be she wants her cake and eat it too- meaning she wants to move on and do her thing, but wants your pining for her just in case. could just be a jealous streak. could just be shes curious.

maybe she wants to know how you are with all this.

dont look too far into it....im notorious for that and i keep telling myself, unless it sounds like "i made a mistake, i want you back. lets try again." its prolly just a human reaction.

[sacg]

Hi HDL, kind words yet again, i hope your ok. Sorry i aint been around for a couple of days....BIN BUSY!!!!

 

Im not sure, but I think im starting to feel better about this. So all you guys and gals that think its all over, the end of the world is upon you, you will NEVER get over this, read my posts...... I did too, and wanted her back so bad, but i think im moving a little forward. unreal isnt it? How on earth can I? I know you who live still hoping read this and think, he obviously doesnt feel the same as i do about my ex, well I did, i still think I do, but its a wake up call, its time to live your own life.

 

Of course i miss her, and I still love her the same, (you can love someone without being with them, and if you truly do, then respect theyre decisions) but the jealousy and thoughts are not as profound, its like ive accepted theyr'e an item and I'm the ex! not just a bad dream, a nightmare. I think it also helped in as much as i accepted there ****ing, couples do that! but to top it, i think that is what has destroyed any hope I had left. I still want her back in some wierd way, but I dont really think i could really deal with what shes done and how imtimate she has been with another man. She is no longer that girl i fell in love with and spent so much time with. If guys, and a massive IF anything was to happen in the future so much water has to pass under the bridge, people need to learn and heal. Then thats all you can hope for, but today you let go, let you BOTH settle, learn and move forward in whatever way, and see where life's road takes you.

 

Now whilst you all havent lost ex's that have moved on as quick, and all reasons are different, the fact is, we've all been left, hurt and need to recover in any way we can. My story is common, I guess that helps me heal and realsie more, the principal is the same. Face the facts, accept the truth, carry on caring, but push hard, push really hard, get out and live YOUR Life! you CAN NOT control any situation other than yours...what's meant to be, will be regardless. So live on.

 

I started going to the Gym a few weeks back, and working hard, and its slowley starting to pay off. Im getting musclier, and i like it. I used to hate the Gym, but it does more than make you look better, you FEEL better, you REALLY do, i swear by it. Ive been out the last few nights, and had a good time, not thought much until I was home, and going to bed, but even thats not as gut wrenching. Im feeling my confidence returning and im starting to like who i see in the mirror every morning. Part of me is still scared of letting this go completely, but as each day passes, i dont think i have a choice, and i think it happens regardless, and you feel better.

 

So stay strong people, that day comes around, more often than not a lot quicker than you think. Im sure ill have bad ones, but just lately, im becoming a little......well.........indifferent?

 

If she ever does actually knock at my door, I'll deal with that then, but today, she's gone, has a life and is happy..........So do I, and I will be too.

 

Stay strong.