gonetildecember Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Im annoyed at my boyfriend for ditching me yet again and taking my time for granted. He went out last night for ANOTHER boys night, despite us arguing about it the night before because he ditched me for them. This ALWAYS happens. And I want this time to be the last. This is not a huge thing, but usually once a week or so when they boys have a plan, he all of a sudden has no time for me to call to see me if i need him for anything. He'll drop plans with me, or just disappear with them, until the next day when its convenient for him. He has no regard for my time, and assumes I'm always around..so if he all of a sudden wants space or something better comes up...he just goes with it, then comes crawling back the next day and I always just give in. Im DONE with that approach. What would happen if I just didnt answer when he called today (he is suppose to call when he gets home). I have not seen him since Friday morning, although we had plans friday night. He ditched me and went out with the guys. We had a few heated conversations over the weekend, ending with an amicable one...but there was still tension. He has not yet made effort to contact me, but I know he will this afternoon and will want to come over later. I dont just want things to go back to normal and for this to repeat next week...So i'm thinking of altering my behaviour to "get to him" and make him pay me a little more attention and realise im important too. Will not answering today and being scarce..playing cat and mouth..get him to pay more attention to me? Does that usually work? I hate this crap lol..but im interested to hear how many ppl do this and if it has worked.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Well, I don't know about purposely ignoring him, but it would be a good idea to be "unavailable" more often. Go out and do your own thing, hang out with friends. So when he comes calling tell him you have other things to do. It's manipulative to just "get back at him" but it does appear that he is taking advantage of your availability. So be less available from now on. By the way, this guy doesn't sound like a good boyfriend if he ditches you for his friend. Maybe you could come up with some kind of compromise, where Friday night you BOTH made plans with friends and then Saturday night would be reserved for the two of you. Then he wouldn't ditch you, he'd stil get his own time in, as you would get your own as well. He may feel as though he is "unable" to go out with his friends because he has a girlfriend, so to prove his independence he decides to ditch you in an effort to prove that he is not "whipped." (which is extremely immature). So I would suggest trying to compromise. If he ditches you for a date on Saturday night, then it's obvious he has no respect for you, therefore it's up to you whether or not you want to be with such a rude guy.
Author gonetildecember Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 Well, I don't know about purposely ignoring him, but it would be a good idea to be "unavailable" more often. Go out and do your own thing, hang out with friends. So when he comes calling tell him you have other things to do. It's manipulative to just "get back at him" but it does appear that he is taking advantage of your availability. So be less available from now on. By the way, this guy doesn't sound like a good boyfriend if he ditches you for his friend. Maybe you could come up with some kind of compromise, where Friday night you BOTH made plans with friends and then Saturday night would be reserved for the two of you. Then he wouldn't ditch you, he'd stil get his own time in, as you would get your own as well. He may feel as though he is "unable" to go out with his friends because he has a girlfriend, so to prove his independence he decides to ditch you in an effort to prove that he is not "whipped." (which is extremely immature). So I would suggest trying to compromise. If he ditches you for a date on Saturday night, then it's obvious he has no respect for you, therefore it's up to you whether or not you want to be with such a rude guy. I know that if I went out more that this would make the problem a lot better. I just moved to this city 3 weeks ago, he has lived here for two years. We are both at school here. So far the only ppl I know are his friends. So even when we aren't tohether, he knows who I'm with or what I'm doing usually. So even when we have space, we usually still run into each other somehow. I'm finding it hard to be busy when he calls, because all I really have to do is go online, school stuff, and chill with our mutual friends.. The compromise thing is great, it usually happens without us even discussing it. But the thing is that its random, if we had plans for Friday and something with the guys comes up on Friday- I'm just supposed to know that our plans change to Sat and he just goes with them Friday. And its always about he just wants to have fun and chill with his boys. Just RESPECT ME! ANd that trying to prove his independance thing I think is exactly on. Half his friends are single and half are taken. The taken ones all do this like randomly ever so often, as if its a test to prove they arent whipped. Usually they're around doing the good bf thing, but then its like you can't get too comfortable...they just disappear, dont call, dont come over...for a couple days.. just as if to prove they can it almost seems. I just want him to check himself and realise wow maybe her time is important too.
pretty professional Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 To answer your question, I think that it is a good way to see if he really cares. I mean if he really cares about you, he'll at least call you everyday. See how much he thinks about you by just not calling. Right now it's him who is sititng back and doing what you're talking about, not contacting you while you wait for him to contact you. So if he doesn't call, you're seeing what you mean to him. I think it's a great idea to try.
carhill Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 As a program note, since there are three threads running currently on this same issue, I would suggest consolidation, so new developments and opinion are not lost upon those commenting in any of the individual threads. Pick one and put everything there.
loki Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 ahhhhhhh I'd be so annoyed too. if you make plans together, then both of you should honour it. neither of you can cancel pre-made plans just to go hang out with other friends! I would definitely find something else to do. keep yourself busy, not to 'get back at him' but to entertain yourself! since obviously he's not capable of that. the next time you make plans with him, ask him if he's going to stick with it!
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Just stopping communication doesn't work well. Communication on BOTH sides with stated and accepted boundaries and repercussions is what is needed - not silence and game playing. Carhill is right - stick to one thread about the same issue. Take your key back. TELL him simply and plainly that you do not want to be treated like an after-thought, and if he can't treat you with respect, then you choose to not spend time with him until he can do that. If my BF constantly dumped me in favor of spending time with his friends, then he would not be my BF anymore. There are a lot of guys out there who are kind, loving, sexy as hell, fun, and respectful. Why do I want to share my heart and my bed with a jerk?
Walk Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 I just don't think things should have progressed to the level where you feel your only recourse is to teach him a lesson. I'm not blaming you on that, just stating it's sad that it would get to that level. Take a step back for a second... why are you with this guy? He isn't meeting your needs, and you're obviously unhappy with how things are going. You've talked to him on numerou occasions about what you want and how you feel, and yet he continues to do the same thing. A guy can be compatible on many levels, but if the discord lies in the ability to communicate, to comprimise, and to find solutions.. then there isn't much of a relationship there. Those are the important areas, the rest are just fun to have. Take the whole day today, and seriously think about what you want in a partner. Write up a list of the good and bad about your bf. Write up a list of the things you need to have in a partner in order to be happy in the relationship. What areas does your partner fit with what you need, and what areas doesn't he fit with. Are those areas ones you can happily live with, or without? And also... take the next 2 weeks and start joining clubs, activities, etc. to get you out and meeting new people. Your uni will have lists of groups and stuff, and at my school they always had fliers and stuff up mentioning meetings or whatever. Put all this frustration and wasted time into pushing your life in a direction where you won't be completely reliant on your bf for your social life. Its a two fold benefit. This isn't a "gosh that would be nice" kind of suggestion. You have to do this. If your relationship fails, then you'll have nothing to fall back on. If you don't do this, then your relationship will fail. You won't want to do this right now, but it's really important that you force yourself to do it. Its far more productive to better yourself then to play vindictive games of cat and mouse. Take action, take control, and change the things you can change. The rest will sort itself out.
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