SuaveWazoo Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 How does NC work? And how does NC allow you to heal? I always thought NC sucked and had no purpose but to force one to wallow in their pain. But now I realize that it allows you to take a breath of fresh air and to experience things outside of the emotional whirlwind of a breakup. It gives you a chance to put aside emotions you've been so pined over about and realize how much more you can be happy with in other areas of your life. Me and my ex broke up over differences in our levels of commitment. I was a wreck during the time period immediately after the breakup, and clung onto the emotional hope of wanting to reconcile with her. However, after we realized that hanging around each other after the breakup wasn't necessarily benefiting either of us, we both decided on NC. Being forced into a position of NC allowed me to put aside my concern over the relationship and experience all my other activities I have in my life. My biggest activity right now is my campus theater club. When I was still worrying over the breakup, I still had fun when I went to the club meetings but I wasn't feeling it because my mind constantly had my ex in it. After NC I realize that my friends and my role there means so much to me. The same went for all my other activities such as school. I broke NC briefly to just tell my ex that things are going OK on my end, and that I am opening my eyes and freeing myself in the fashion that I just described. She brought up NC because she knew that we both needed time to figure out our priorities, and she was glad to know that we are both taking steps to not let ourselves be hurt by the breakup, but to grow from it. I have not lost hope that someday me and my ex can possibly reconcile and have a more fulfilling and healthy relationship. But I am not letting that get in the way of me pursuing the things in my life that can provide me happiness and fulfillment. I am definitely not aiming for a reconciliation to be a "goal", not am I going to wait for her. I am merely aware that I shared some good times with this person, that we were unable to work out over some priorities in our current lives, and that I have so much more to live for than to regret and worry constantly over this issue. I know that I am growing and learning from this experience.
Intergalactic Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 this was a great read and very inspiring. i'm in virtually the same boat as you, as far as the reasons for my break up (although there were some other issues for me, which i am working on), and i also haven't given up hope for a future reconciliation - but NC has worked well for me so far, because being friends right after breaking up just wasn't working well at all. eventually we can be friends again, and then who knows what may happen? congrats, and good luck!
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