t1r3d Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 I'm not the type of person to ask for advice, but I'm in a bad way and need some help. My ldr and I have been together for a couple years and most of the time things are really good. We see each other when we can and talk a lot on the phone or email. The issue we have is that she can't let go of anything that happened in my past before her. She gets crazy about it and it's not like I can change anything that happened before. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have made those choices. She don't trust that my feelings for her are true. She keeps bringing up other women from my past like I really want anything to do with them. I never talk about them or even think about them. She is all that I want for the rest of my life, but I don't know how to make her see that. help...
Maggs Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I guess that depends on what issues in your past she has a problem with. If it's something like you used to be an alcoholic or a serious drug user, or you're a serial cheater on your girlfriends....then yes, I could see her being worried too. But if it's something fairly insignificant, I'm sorry to say that it's her problem. There's really nothing you can do about her insecurities, it's something she needs to deal with herself. Just about everyone has things in their past they probably regret but it's up to them to not dwell on it. If she knew these things before you started dating, than it's unfair of her to being insecure about them now. If she couldn't deal with it then she shouldn't have started dating you in the first place.
superd Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 dude, if you want to air out your past gf's do it after you get married especially if they are not an issue for you. Just don't let your gf "trick" you into revealing things now because she may be "testing you".
In the Light Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Dude, I share your pain. If you truly love her, keep fighting through the issues. She may just need to know she's special or your number one choice. Show her you don't take her for granted and that your love for her is true and only for her.
In the Light Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I've gone through the same things. We were friends before lovers, it sounds like it was a shorter time than you were, but we still shared things that shouldn't have been shared, said things that shouldn't have been said. If you love her, you just have to keep pushing through it. My girl is worth it. No one in my life ever has been until now. My advice is to keep being true to her and fighting for your relationship. Sorry my computer is acting up and posted before I was done.
Author t1r3d Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 I guess that depends on what issues in your past she has a problem with. If it's something like you used to be an alcoholic or a serious drug user, or you're a serial cheater on your girlfriends....then yes, I could see her being worried too. But if it's something fairly insignificant, I'm sorry to say that it's her problem. There's really nothing you can do about her insecurities, it's something she needs to deal with herself. Just about everyone has things in their past they probably regret but it's up to them to not dwell on it. If she knew these things before you started dating, than it's unfair of her to being insecure about them now. If she couldn't deal with it then she shouldn't have started dating you in the first place. No, I'm no druggie or cheater. Its just about the girls I was with before her. We met at college and I'm still going there and working part time. She moved back home about 4 hours away. We used to just be friends and talk all of the time about life stuff. We'd hang out in the lounge while studying sometimes. Then we started having feelings for each other and going out. Thats when she got jealous of everyone that I had gone out with. It's gotten worse since she moved back home. I think part of the problem is that she is there and I am here. Some of the girls I dated go to school here. I say hi if I see them, but we dont talk or anything. I'm all about my girl and I don't talk about those other girls at all. I go to school, study and work all of the time. Between all of that, I don't have time for nothing else. I know its her problem, but it doesn't make it any easier for me.
Author t1r3d Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 Dude, I share your pain. If you truly love her, keep fighting through the issues. She may just need to know she's special or your number one choice. Show her you don't take her for granted and that your love for her is true and only for her. Thanks. I try to do that stuff. I'll keep trying.
Maggs Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 No, I'm no druggie or cheater. Its just about the girls I was with before her. We met at college and I'm still going there and working part time. She moved back home about 4 hours away. We used to just be friends and talk all of the time about life stuff. We'd hang out in the lounge while studying sometimes. Then we started having feelings for each other and going out. Thats when she got jealous of everyone that I had gone out with. It's gotten worse since she moved back home. I think part of the problem is that she is there and I am here. Some of the girls I dated go to school here. I say hi if I see them, but we dont talk or anything. I'm all about my girl and I don't talk about those other girls at all. I go to school, study and work all of the time. Between all of that, I don't have time for nothing else. I know its her problem, but it doesn't make it any easier for me. Yea it sounds like she's a bit insecure. If you've never cheated on her or anyone else, what makes her be jealous? You've never given her good reason too! Maybe she has self-esteem issues? Or has she had past boyfriends cheat on her? You can reassure her all you want, but it sounds like it's an issue she needs to resolve on her own. My BF sees his ex all the time--they have a son together. We have a good relationship with each other, never any jealousy issues. Loads of couples do it. I don't see the big deal really!
Freedom Now Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 If she has been damaged by other men, she will have fears. You need to get to the bottom of her issues. I'll bet a million dollars, it is fear that is driving her. Fear of getting hurt again. FN
Author t1r3d Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 I don't know how to get past her fears or whatever they are. I'm a good guy to her and call when I say I will and do stuff I say I will. I make mistakes like everybody else but I don't cheat on her and don't even look at other women. She's all I want and I tell her that. I just don't know what to do.
Freedom Now Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 She is being triggered by something. Something happened to her in the past with someone else that hurt her badly. And she is being triggered now. Talk to her. Ask her point blank why she is so scared. I would guess that something happened to her in her past that hurt her deeply and she is terrified that she is going to get hurt again. Perhaps an ex cheated on her with an old girlfriend. Perhaps that is why she is so scared of your old girlfriends. Somehow, your situation is dangerously close to another situation that she has already been badly hurt in. Talk to her. She has been badly hurt in the past. And she is scared stiff that she is going to get hurt in the exact way now.
Author t1r3d Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 We talked about stuff over the weekend and she has problems from a past relationship. She was with a real jerk that cheated on her and pretty much just used her. I think we are going to take a break for a while until she can work through her stuff.
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