GrenEydLdy7 Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 We've been together 4 1/2 years. I love him, he says he loves me but we hardly see each other anymore. He lives an hour drive away so its tough but he used to drive up to see me 2-3 times a week, that was over a year ago. He hasn't come this way since January of this year (our 4th anniversary). I spend every other weekend driving down there so we can spend time together. I really wonder if we would see each other at all if I didn't make that effort. Him coming out this way seemed to taper off slowly so it wasn't very noticable at first. There would be a day here or there in a week he "couldn't" make it cause he was beat from work, (he owns/runs a business that do require long hours, so I do understand, to a certain extent. But only to find out he's up half the night (2-3 AM) in chat rooms (romance chat rooms) talking with other women. I always knew he chatted in chat rooms alot, that was how we met, so I never really thought anything of it. But I now know he has posted ads on craigslist looking for other women to date or other wise. He even replied to a fake post my friend made for a "friends with benefits" relationship. He responded with "I understand where your at and looked forward to meeting a good friend". WTF I have since aquired his email password (without his knowledge, yes my bad) and can confirm he is not only posting on craigs list but has met with at least 3 other women, one which seemed to involve the exchange of money she desperately needed and her giving sex in return... but by her emails, she disappeared after he gave her the money! Ok, I know I look bad here, reading his emails and expect I will be chastised by more than one poster, so be it. BUT What I really want to understand is, a week after giving me a card on my birthday saying he had found the "love of his life" he dated another woman? Im very confused, why would he be constantly (and I mean constantly, every day) replying to posts from women looking to date and him saying he is single and looking for that special woman to spend time with???? I am in a relationship with a player?? Would anyone here think I have been played all along??? Very confused and hurt and scared of what to do....
Geishawhelk Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Well, I think on the one hand, yes, it's staring you in the face, isn't it? Given that you've gone so far down this route of using subterfuge and trickery to get all this info, you could take it a step further and adopt a pseudonym, go on as a willing and keen stranger and bait him that way too... But would there be any point? If he bites and starts chatting you up (and he's likely to) it just confirms what you suspect already, and will both increase and prolong the agony. If I were you, I'd tell him straight that you've discovered he has an account on craiglist, and that a friend of you has informed you of his exchanges with her. [Do not for goodness' sake tell him you have his password! You've complicated things enough, and that would just make rhings a whole lot more complicated and worse! let that go. Lose the password and forget it.....!] You are terminating this relationship and giving his freedom. Please don't contact you any more, and delete everything you have on him. Phone number, e-mail msn, the lot. Refuse any further communication, and cut your losses. he's already gone, by the sound of it.
CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 If you're doing all the driving and he isn't, well, doesn't that tell you something? Actions speak from the heart. Words mean nothing. His actions are proving beyond a doubt how he feels.
Konfuzion Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 This is kinda tough and kinda cut and dry. If the two of you truly love each other I am a strong believer in that any couple with love can work threw anything, however this guy sounds more like he just needs the next conquest. I would bail on him start no contact and erase all memory's of him. It really doesn't sound like he is worth your time. Look deep inside and you know exactly what needs to happen. Good luck to you.
Author GrenEydLdy7 Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 Thank you all, its what I needed to hear, even though deep down I knew! Caliguy, I just read your NC thread from February 2005, thank you! So glad you took the time to put all that down. I have copied and saved it to refer back to in future weak moments. I do have concerns, he has several of my things at his place and there are things of his at my place as well, the cell phone I have is on his account, but the biggest concern is he bought me a car for my birthday last year but I have yet to receive a title from him despite repeated reminders, the car replaced the one I had that had a bad trans (he sold it for me after putting a trans in it) How do I resolve these issues with minimal to N? Any suggestions?
Treasa Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 You can go to his house and get your things. Drive back to your house, ship him his stuff via certified USPS mail, and make sure you keep the receipt with his signature showing he received it. Then you break up with him. If you have any documentation showing the car was a gift, hold on to it. Otherwise, tell him he'll need to drive to your place to get the car back if he wants it. Don't tell him about breaking into his email. Just tell him it's over and you're moving on. Be as calm about it as possible. And do NOT give in. This guy isn't worth your time for the foreseeable future.
CaliGuy Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Thank you all, its what I needed to hear, even though deep down I knew! Caliguy, I just read your NC thread from February 2005, thank you! So glad you took the time to put all that down. I have copied and saved it to refer back to in future weak moments. I do have concerns, he has several of my things at his place and there are things of his at my place as well, the cell phone I have is on his account, but the biggest concern is he bought me a car for my birthday last year but I have yet to receive a title from him despite repeated reminders, the car replaced the one I had that had a bad trans (he sold it for me after putting a trans in it) How do I resolve these issues with minimal to N? Any suggestions? Box his stuff up, give it to a friend to deliver. Ask the friend to retrieve your stuff. As for the title, send a certified letter asking for it. It's yours. Then you'll have proof if you have to go to court to get it.
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