Mynewlife Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 First I will begin with where it started. I was married for 10 years and left my husband for another man. Our marriage was over years before I left. I married when I was 16, and I loved him, but not as a husband. We have 3 kids together. I still love him, a lot, but not in that way. Just recently, the man I left him for and I broke up a few months ago. It was a really bad break up. I really loved him a lot, but I didn’t give myself completely up to him. Part of me was guarded. Part of me wanted the relationship to end. I don’t think it was guilt. There were things in the relationship I knew I could deal with. The first 6 months, I knew that we wouldn’t end up together. I wanted to feel like we were going to be together. We tried and we both fought, but that part of me just wouldn’t let go, where you give that 100% and you know that you will be together forever. He felt it, but I just couldn’t let go. Getting over him was really tough for me, although I knew that I didn’t give him 100%. I knew I wanted to. Now, I’m with a really, REALLY great guy. He is everything my ex-husband and ex-boyfriend were not. He holds me every night, romantic, just overall everything I want. I still feel that wall up. I feel that guarded feeling. I want to let go, but just part of me won’t. How can I found out what ”it” is?? I don’t want to lose this guy. I didn’t want to lose the last guy either, but I know he was wrong for me, so I think someone was watching out for me. Is this “someone” doing the same this time? I can’t see anything about my new guy that should keep me guarded. How do I let go? I can I just fall COMPLETELY in love with him? Is it because I didn’t have closure in my marriage? I know that I have to let go for any relationship to work. I listen to inspirational songs, quotes, etc., and I just can’t. I WANT IT SOOO BAD, though. I want to feel that love again. I miss it!!! I can totally see myself being with this guy the rest of my life, if I could just LET THAT DAMN WALL DOWN!!
imagine Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 You've got to work for what you want. Maybe you could have had it at Guy #1. This idea of the perfect match from get-go to curtain close is a myth. I chuckle a bit when folk divorce for reasons of incompatibility. I think that we all are to a greater or lessor degree. Coaching, negotiation and patience helps to bridge that incompatibility. Think about it!
lonelyandfrustrated Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Have you ever been by yourself? It doesn't sound like it. I have a silly rule that applies to myself and anyone that i've been involved with: no serious relationships for a year after a breakup. Maybe some time without a man will help you open up to being with one.
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