MonroeVonOh Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 I have been with this man for 8 months. There has been some dishonestly on both parts , nothing major , but enough to question some things as we are both insecure people that have been hurt a lot in the past. We do fight a lot and I mean a lot and we just don't seem to back down so nothing ever gets resolved. He wants to spend every waking hour with me and I do enjoy that as I love the attention but sometimes find myself needing something else. So , when I am in my city and in my home ( we live 2 hours apart) I go out and treat myself to dinner , or rent a movie. Nothing big at all. I tell him what my plans are then he accuses me of talking to other guys which I have no idea where this steams from. If I'm not with him Im usually talking to him and when I do go out I go out on my own and not for very long. Ill come home to texts like " I bet your out partying it up" " go chat it up with those ****ing guys" and so on. And when I fight him on it , its this big long fight through texts till one of us ( and one of us always does ) says they were through. He is really sweet, he does many things for me , and I haven't been the best to him , I tend to freak out on him over little things , although I think its pent up frustration with things that have happened in our past. He's a mans man and doesn't let me do anything , and once he even told me " I would like to see you this weekend , it would be nice to come home to a nice girl and a nice meal" that offended me so much. I try to explain and resolve whatever issue we are going through but he just doesn't seem to read into what I'm saying , he takes what he wants from it and rolls with it never letting it go and nothing gets solved. I am pregnant with his child ( not that far along) and I don't know what to do at this point. One min he gives me the moon and the stars and we are absolutely perfect. Next min when I take the train back home and say I'm going out for a bit , that's when **** hits the fan. I don't know what he has to be this way over , I haven't done anything wrong for him to be this controlling , jealous and untrusting of me. I wish that I didn't fight with him back or pick on him but I get so frustrated sometimes that I just burst is this really worth it? should I just do what he says and move in with him for the sake of the child , a child that he sometimes says I shouldn't keep because he wouldn't want to raise a child into such a relationship? Im so sad, I miss him and have tried no contact with him to see if he even cares to get back. Last time I told him I missed him , he got back to me and we were talking back and forth but not once did he say anything about missing me back or anything like he normally does. any advice. nothing seems to be working and I feel its nearing the end even though I really don't want it to even though we are the way we are to each other.
Author MonroeVonOh Posted September 27, 2008 Author Posted September 27, 2008 why does no on ever reply to my posts, I dont know what im doing wrong here i am only asking for help as I am sad , lost and confused.
Mike B. Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 why does no on ever reply to my posts, I dont know what im doing wrong here i am only asking for help as I am sad , lost and confused. why does no on ever reply to my posts, I dont know what im doing wrong here i am only asking for help as I am sad , lost and confused. Hi. I read your post and there is one thing I would like to comment on first because I feel it is the most important thing. In my personal opinion, I think people should never have kids or do something such as stay together soley for the child's sake. I say this because children usually do not make a relationship stronger or better. They usually add to the complications and provide a new source of argument. Additionally, the child might even suffer from two parents who are constantly at each other's throat. So now instead of always hearing "you just partying it up all of the time," now you are hearing "you are always partying up all the time and leaving the baby here or there and blah blah blah." Children can make a already good relationship/marriage even greater but one that is rocky tends to become even rockier because now it involves an extra but innocent life. I hope that you two can actually improve yourselves for the sake of the child but I do not encourage you two to move in together under the current state of your relationship. The fact that he stated that he would rather not have the child because of how you two currently get along is a very bad sign. It sounds like you both have trust issues but naturally, since you are the author of the above post, your boyfriend has the misfortune of having the spotlight placed on his trust issue but you did state that you both have trouble in this area. You two really need to talk about your trust issues. I mean you have to sit down and directly go for this topic. I would choose a nice neutral place to bring down both of your guards. You say you have done nothing to cause him to have such huge trust issues with you but let me ask you if you have given him details of your past relationships such as cheating on exs or anything. A lot of times, this is all it takes. This is why I believe in not discussing past realtionships too much. they tend to bring down the future ones before they even start. Since there is a child coming, it is very worth it to put a lot of effort towards improving things. A lot of the effort must start with you. I would suggest you take the high road from now when it comes to your spats. Do not antagonize him. Let him learn from your actions. Try to reassure him but I hope you both see that if you keep up with the insecurities, it will eventually ruin every thing. So many people use the excuse "well, I have been hurt too many times in the past" as a license to display insecurity and obnoxious behavior in their current relationship. I am sorry if you two have been hurt but frankly, if you want to live in the past, don't bring another person back there with you. Yes, we have all been hurt in the past but we have to own up and take responsibilty for our own actions and behavior in our current relationship and not use past relationships as an excuse for acting in an undesirable manner.
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